breathingblues
Dream alive...
- Aug 14, 2025
- 40
Hey everyone.
I've suffered and fought what I believe is beyond the human ability... I was a vibrant boy before all this. Good looking, with a vivid, beautiful imagination, loving, kind hearted, extremely hardworking, all those good things.
At age 15, being from a cult, the leader who died in 2008, who we were told will always protect and love us - as long as we talk and "pray" to him, which I did in more devotion than anyone I know. I followed and lived the life of religious virtue, truth, hard work, goodness, morality, all those things well after these tragedies began, as that's what my loving father taught and I followed them. Despite a life of tragedy, to this day I have never hurt someone's life, only their feelings. That said, I was always a septic, and to this day hold views far against this orthodoxy, as well as a deep desire to help people - both of which are deeply antithetical to this cult. In 2018, due to fighting in the house because of my career choice of being a writer and artist, I was extremely tense and was always involved in a lot of hobbies, all these things let my grip of the Guru's voices loose, and the visions and voices, those involving brutal atrocities against children and loved ones, worsened into suicidal conditions in a month. I was living my best life just a month before that. In a year I had to kill off my old life of belief and became and atheist, it was really the same after that.
Obviously people treated me like I'm crazy and "pretending", and I fought this war for 7 years... My childhood and life have been in unending agony. My father was the only loving man I ever knew in my life, my mother was a psychopath. Still, I ran and enjoyed every success.
After his death in 2021, I got to work on my dream, writing stories, music, singing, I became a photographer, which I'm pretty good at by most standards, did street photography, overcame my anxiety and all of my problems really, didn't complain when I worked, considering it a gift from God to do what I wanted. If you wish to see my work, you can request it. I happen to be writing my third book.
I was also very sharp of the mind, and probably the most loving person I know.
Then, this year my mother blew away nearly the million dollars of my father's life savings. That was the beginning of the tragedies, my family (extended) pulled away very fast, giving me the most harmful advice as if I deserved it... In this agony I did street photography which was pretty good, shot tons, wrote more music and so on. I followed their advice as they abandoned me, which put such extreme strain on me that I had my first, extremely traumatising MRI (the noises are unforgettable, they tear your soul apart), all by myself. All whilst the same family treats me like a disease, to whom I have done nothing wrong. Medicines only blunted me through the years, but after getting off of them I made an excellent recovery after this tragedy, only killed by the family. Obviously friends don't want to talk about it, no one wants to talk today guy with so much suffering, yet still, I pray for a dignified death every day. I was diagnosed with amnesia yesterday, this was a man with a literal photographic memory until this year. I don't know why this is happening to me.
Honestly, I want to be myself again, and that can be through love if I survive... I'm in this server to help people, however I can...
This family used to have a strong honor and nigh-endless, rightful praise for me, but now this is what they do. I live alone, in extreme paranoia that each thought (yes, thought) can be used against me... Which I've seen happen to me in real life. I want to live, even if for some time, the life I did. My therapist has given up.
I've suffered and fought what I believe is beyond the human ability... I was a vibrant boy before all this. Good looking, with a vivid, beautiful imagination, loving, kind hearted, extremely hardworking, all those good things.
At age 15, being from a cult, the leader who died in 2008, who we were told will always protect and love us - as long as we talk and "pray" to him, which I did in more devotion than anyone I know. I followed and lived the life of religious virtue, truth, hard work, goodness, morality, all those things well after these tragedies began, as that's what my loving father taught and I followed them. Despite a life of tragedy, to this day I have never hurt someone's life, only their feelings. That said, I was always a septic, and to this day hold views far against this orthodoxy, as well as a deep desire to help people - both of which are deeply antithetical to this cult. In 2018, due to fighting in the house because of my career choice of being a writer and artist, I was extremely tense and was always involved in a lot of hobbies, all these things let my grip of the Guru's voices loose, and the visions and voices, those involving brutal atrocities against children and loved ones, worsened into suicidal conditions in a month. I was living my best life just a month before that. In a year I had to kill off my old life of belief and became and atheist, it was really the same after that.
Obviously people treated me like I'm crazy and "pretending", and I fought this war for 7 years... My childhood and life have been in unending agony. My father was the only loving man I ever knew in my life, my mother was a psychopath. Still, I ran and enjoyed every success.
After his death in 2021, I got to work on my dream, writing stories, music, singing, I became a photographer, which I'm pretty good at by most standards, did street photography, overcame my anxiety and all of my problems really, didn't complain when I worked, considering it a gift from God to do what I wanted. If you wish to see my work, you can request it. I happen to be writing my third book.
I was also very sharp of the mind, and probably the most loving person I know.
Then, this year my mother blew away nearly the million dollars of my father's life savings. That was the beginning of the tragedies, my family (extended) pulled away very fast, giving me the most harmful advice as if I deserved it... In this agony I did street photography which was pretty good, shot tons, wrote more music and so on. I followed their advice as they abandoned me, which put such extreme strain on me that I had my first, extremely traumatising MRI (the noises are unforgettable, they tear your soul apart), all by myself. All whilst the same family treats me like a disease, to whom I have done nothing wrong. Medicines only blunted me through the years, but after getting off of them I made an excellent recovery after this tragedy, only killed by the family. Obviously friends don't want to talk about it, no one wants to talk today guy with so much suffering, yet still, I pray for a dignified death every day. I was diagnosed with amnesia yesterday, this was a man with a literal photographic memory until this year. I don't know why this is happening to me.
Honestly, I want to be myself again, and that can be through love if I survive... I'm in this server to help people, however I can...
This family used to have a strong honor and nigh-endless, rightful praise for me, but now this is what they do. I live alone, in extreme paranoia that each thought (yes, thought) can be used against me... Which I've seen happen to me in real life. I want to live, even if for some time, the life I did. My therapist has given up.
