Venting a close friend of my will probably ctb soon

[vinicuit]

he is my best friend, one of my closest friends for some time now, and he's struggling with chronic depression. whenever he vents to me, he feels safe to talk about his suicidal thoughts

the problem is, i myself also have suicidal thoughts frequently, so i don't feel like i could ever help him properly... and i have a feeling that if he ctb i'll probably ctb just as well (i couldn't feel like handling his death without dying too)

it's very hard to be in this position of not being able to help someone you love, i want both of us to endure e recover, but it's been so long and as time comes, it just feels like we're going to die any day now

 

[Aflame5926]

he is my best friend, one of my closest friends for some time now, and he's struggling with chronic depression. whenever he vents to me, he feels safe to talk about his suicidal thoughts

the problem is, i myself also have suicidal thoughts frequently, so i don't feel like i could ever help him properly... and i have a feeling that if he ctb i'll probably ctb just as well (i couldn't feel like handling his death without dying too)

it's very hard to be in this position of not being able to help someone you love, i want both of us to endure e recover, but it's been so long and as time comes, it just feels like we're going to die any day now

my pigeon brain is striaght away going like
can you maybe talk to him? tell him how you feel.
there is a slight possibility a very slight possilibty that 2 times minus make positive.

im not sure how everything is connected with eachother.
but also what do you have to loss?

my pigeon brain in social activity gets me this far >.<

 

[vinicuit]

my pigeon brain is striaght away going like
can you maybe talk to him? tell him how you feel.
there is a slight possibility a very slight possilibty that 2 times minus make positive.

im not sure how everything is connected with eachother.
but also what do you have to loss?

my pigeon brain in social activity gets me this far >.<

i fear that talking about that It will bring the feeling of his obligation to stay alive just for my well-being, idk it makes me feel very selfish

i want to talk to him about that, but how to do it without making me sound manipulative?

 

[Aflame5926]

i fear that talking about that It will bring the feeling of his obligation to stay alive just for my well-being, idk it makes me feel very selfish

i want to talk to him about that, but how to do it without making me sound manipulative?

so basicly, if he goes you go

you can't expect him to live for only for you. and you dont really want to block it but also want to block it.
you still want to go. with him.

so there is not much option left.

maybe it easier for me because im at the same side as him.
but why not either go together or you both stay?

another issue i see is if you really have "suicidal thought"
or if you are really that scared to loss him that this feelings comes up.

you probally can be honest on how you feel. its the weight of his actions that he needs to face.
but regardless dont manipulate. keep it open regardless on what he choices.

w/e you do dont rat him out. through im against impulsive behavior. but this doesnt sound like impulsive behavior to me.

this might be cold and bad advice but there should be others that might give you different and maybe better advice

 

[Hvergelmir]

i want to talk to him about that, but how to do it without making me sound manipulative?

I agree with your reasoning. You don't want to threaten him into any sort of obligation.

You could very honestly let him know that you'd be sad, and that it would be a great loss, though.

 

[NihilDoll]

Yeah, friendships between suicidal people are... tricky.
Does your friend know that you're also suicidal?

I have to chime in with the others here. I also think that just being honest with him will be the best way to go about it.
If he knows that you're also suicidal, he probably also knows how you will feel if he CTB's.
If not, it's a good a time as any to talk about it with him. It's the biggest, most intimate thing that connects the two of you.
It's thoughts you usually can't share with many others. And you already know, he vents to you because you make him feel safe.
That's a great foundation for it.

But yeah, i think picking a good, calm moment and talking with him about it is the way to go.
And if you fear it might come off as manipulative... tell him that as well. That you worried it might come off like that.
That you're not trying to sway him one way or another, but just don't think you could go on without him.
I'm sure he will understand you. You seem close enough for him to know that you're not trying to guilt trip him in any way.

Your friend trusts you enough to vent his most intimate, darkest thoughts to you. Trust him that he will understand you, maybe he already does and you might be worrying over nothing

 

[Pure Vanilla]

i fear that talking about that It will bring the feeling of his obligation to stay alive just for my well-being, idk it makes me feel very selfish

i want to talk to him about that, but how to do it without making me sound manipulative?

whether you talk about it or not if they care about you they will automatically feel that obligation so i think you should worry less about doing that, as long as you dont say "think how i would feel if you did that!" you should be fine

 

[eggsausagerice]

i fear that talking about that It will bring the feeling of his obligation to stay alive just for my well-being, idk it makes me feel very selfish

i dread the thought of using my suicide as a thing to hold over someone's head or as a way to stop someone from killing themselves because i'm also suicidal. i cut people off because i started to talk about suicide too much and felt like i was burdening them by not killing myself yet. i know they wouldn't actually want me to kill myself, but it's hard to not recognize that i'm not someone people would actually like to talk to or hang out with if i'm acting depressed all the time. there are posts on here that talk about how they stay alive for their friends or their partners, but i think that i shouldn't tell anyone in my life that i want to die so that they won't feel like they could've done something while i was alive. it only leads to more conflict.

it's good that you care about your buddy, but he would probably feel the same about his own suicidal thoughts if he mentioned you having them as well. i do wish that one of my friends were as suicidal as i am, but i know i'd only motivate them to seek help instead of get worse with me.

 

[vinicuit]

But yeah, i think picking a good, calm moment and talking with him about it is the way to go.
And if you fear it might come off as manipulative... tell him that as well. That you worried it might come off like that.
That you're not trying to sway him one way or another, but just don't think you could go on without him.
I'm sure he will understand you. You seem close enough for him to know that you're not trying to guilt trip him in any way.

thanks for the kind words, i will try to be honest and open a bit more... i don't know if i'm going to talk about my own suicidal idealizations explicitly, but how hard it's trying to help when i'm also struggling, idk what's best. maybe i should think less, cause he's my friend and he's going to understand me as well as i understand him

it's good that you care about your buddy, but he would probably feel the same about his own suicidal thoughts if he mentioned you having them as well. i do wish that one of my friends were as suicidal as i am, but i know i'd only motivate them to seek help instead of get worse with me.

it's complicated to deal with that, cause i know that's how he feel, he doesn't want me to get worse and worse

we already talked about how we both can't help each other because of our mental health. "two blind people trying to guide each other"

 

[Aflame5926]

thanks for the kind words, i will try to be honest and open a bit more... i don't know if i'm going to talk about my own suicidal idealizations explicitly, but how hard it's trying to help when i'm also struggling, idk what's best. maybe i should think less, cause he's my friend and he's going to understand me as well as i understand him

you should stop less.

do you know how hard it is for depressive people to find other depressive people and actually finding understood?
i think if you talk to him there is gonna be a lot of dark humor suddenly coming out of the closet. also he can reconise your struggle aswell.
you dont have to be the nice friend with "the pretty happy mask" on all the freaking time. that is also exhausting in my ears.

helping other ppl out while you depressed takes an extra amount of energy. so regardless you are a great person only from that perpective already.

 

[vinicuit]

you should stop less.

do you know how hard it is for depressive people to find other depressive people and actually finding understood?
i think if you talk to him there is gonna be a lot of dark humor suddenly coming out of the closet. also he can reconise your struggle aswell.
you dont have to be the nice friend with "the pretty happy mask" on all the freaking time. that is also exhausting in my ears.

helping other ppl out while you depressed takes an extra amount of energy. so regardless you are a great person only from that perpective already.

i go for that already, we spent the new year's together and we joked a lot about it, when he vents i listen as i'd like people to listen to me, i hate the happy pretty mask as well, so i don't really try to go that way

i listen to his depression and i try to make him feel seen, it's painful and it's important to validate his struggles. it's just that i am struggling too and his suicidality would trigger mine, and honestly i think my suicidality would trigger his

 

[Aflame5926]

it's just that i am struggling too and his suicidality would trigger mine, and honestly i think my suicidality would trigger his

if you talk about it dont talk with him about this.

but i think you can tell your struggles with him. he should be able to understand you aswell because he is the same. why not try to vent to him aswell? like tiny vents to see his reaction and see how it goes?

 

[vinicuit]

if you talk about it dont talk with him about this.

but i think you can tell your struggles with him. he should be able to understand you aswell because he is the same. why not try to vent to him aswell? like tiny vents to see his reaction and see how it goes?

i will try this to this next days, thanks for the advice. I have difficulty venting in general, exposing myself to people close to me makes me feel minimally selfish

 

[SoLowHollow48]

So, he doesn't know that you're suicidal too? Ah. That does make it hard. I think it's time to be honest with him. And like others have said, to admit to that is not to manipulate at all. If he's secure telling everything to you, I think you should feel secure telling everything to him too. You guys are friends for a reason.

You can tell him that he's not alone because you're just like him and see where that goes. Usually, when a person is already so in the dark, they won't give a shit and just jump off a bridge. I would know. But if he still has the spirit, he'll keep on fighting with you by his side and I think that would be a positive growth in your relationship with him because now you have each other's back.

Meet up for coffee or facetime or chat him and discuss about this. I think he'd appreciate it if you're honest before he goes.

Tell us the result of your conversation with him. I hope all goes well!