4th attempt at withdrawal, too many substances, Metoclopramide to reset dopamine sensitivity bad idea?

[SeeminglyFine]

The only recovery im looking for, atleast for now is a tolerance recovery, because the ritalin is not working anymore, makes me drowsy at low doses and doesnt feel right at any dose, even if i try snorting 100mg

Taking Lots of ritalin and nicotine, some alcohol, sleeping pills, cannabis, caffeine, some nasal spray, and recently a bit of dxm, ephedrine, benadryl, oxycodone, codeine, and NSAIDs as potentiators
And many supplements

Recently been mixing more than half of them at the same time.

Last time i put myself to sleep repeatedly with food comas, woke up every 6-8 hours and aet and it put me to sleep for 3 days but it didnt last, even when i overaet like crazy, Perhaps i shoulve moved to heavier meals like 4 chunks of tuna steaks
i wanted to do lots of hot baths to relax and fall asleep when going back to bed but couldnt drag myself out of bed other than going to get some food quick

Planning to try fasting again and hope that it numbs me up from the fatigue or upregulate some receptors, last time i tried fasting i had kidney pain, i think my kidneys and liver are fried

Damn, when depression first hit me i slept for 18hours a day, i want that superpower again..

Any ideas on how to sleep a lot through it,
or how to lose my mind a bit less?

Im thinking to maybe keep the cannabis or sleeping pills, but not sure if its gona hinder the process

Also i have metoclopramide, seems to knock me out blissfully, so i guess if it blocks dopamine then it resets tolerance faster??

 

[timf]

You might want to be cautious about ephedrine as it can damage heart valves. I think that is why it was dropped from diet formulas 30 years ago. stimulants like Ritalin can decrease efficacy through habituation. A schedule of five days on and two off may allow enough of a recovery period to maintain effectiveness.

It sounds like you are using so many different things that they may be interfering with each other.If you were to drop everything for a few days and still couldn't sleep. you might try some GABA.

 

[SeeminglyFine]

thanks, gaba is what was thinking too so i guess il stick with stuff like valerian, chamomile and skullcap, or sleeping pills if they're not enough.

today i felt like quitting everything cold turkey is impossible, thought il have just a few cups of coffee, ended up having more than 20cups,

Cuz of those damn digestive issues, when i eat the wrong thing i feel so drowsy after eating like my brain is inflammed and nothing can energize me back to life nor put me to sleep, just laying in bed tired and foggy

Kinda worried about tomorrows withdrawal more than i was worried about today's

I guess if il have headaches from caffeine withdrawal then cannabis wouldnt be a bad idea

Hopefully using 1 substance at a time and herbal teas but at large amounts is an improvment compared to mixing 10 pharmacutical substances a day.

 

[western_heart]

The closest situation I can think I've been in was cocaine dependence, it got to the point where doing more of it didn't help and didn't feel right. it was unbearable to the point where I was going to end up hospitalized or dead. (instead I ended up switching to meth, do not recommend, it stopped me from being acutely suicidal and paranoid but I lost a lot of weight I didn't want to & it made me psychotic for a few months.)

IMO you need to stop stimulants for a while - based on the symptoms you described your body needs to recover, not just a short break to reset your tolerance...

Caffeine, instead of stopping outright, could you take progressively lower doses? I used to take caffeine pills cut in half or even quarters to avoid the withdrawal headaches.

 

[SeeminglyFine]

Ye i definitely should lower the dosage, especially since i end up being caffinated in my sleep with this amount,
But hopefully i can do a water fast because i get such intense hunger fangs when on a withdrawal from the stimulants i eat so much till my stomach hurts and then i keep eating while telling myself to stop, and not even enjoying it, and clearly its not vegetables im craving.. the sugary+fatty stuff,
thats why im leaning more towards knocking myself out with sleeping pills for a while instead of tapering off slowly

Before i got hooked and was mostly sober i used to be fasting for 10-25 days at a time and broke my fast when i was few kilos from getting hospitalized, wasnt too hard to control my apetite but i now my hunger is completely uncontrollable, gets a bit easier though if im like 1-2 days into a fast i suppose

its actually a bad time for me to be on withdrawal, i got some stuff to take care of, godamn.

 

[bennydiazapine]

I can only speak for Opiate & Benzo WD's

For me the hardest part is the insomnia and the restless legs, I've found cannabis & Benzos can help settle some symptoms from the Opiates. IDK how much oxy a day you were using, before I had suicide attempt in December, I was hospitalized after a failed suicide attempt using opiates.

The WD's I went through were horrible and lasted nearly 2 weeks (The worst was the first 7 days) The Physical symptoms can be quite quick for me, the mental side of it is where I struggle. The depression I go through during WD's is unbearable.

 

[SeeminglyFine]

If i am experiencing opioid withdrawal on some level then its probably very minimal

I wasnt using it oxy for too long, i read its very hard to be able to eat, and im crazy hungry
but my time perception is non-existant on drugs, id estimate around a week or so, probably less
But i used grapefruit, nsaids, antihistamines, baking soda and stimulants to potentiate it so whatever doses i took is an unreliable measurment

most of the withdrawal is definitely stimulants,
and ye,the struggle is mental, i could care less about being fatigued,
even watching a tv show feels impossible at times, its more like staring at colored pixels and hearing white noise..

Probably does me no good to have a cabinet full of meds and a nic vape right by my side cuz i take few hits when i start swinging back and forth

i just dont like to think about ctb when my mind isnt fully made up and when i dont have a plan yet or the mental capacity to go through with it right now,
But then i get into a thought loop thinking that those thoughts are necessary for me to reach a state of mind that enables me to ctb.

but idk, i guess its part of my neurological pathways now. Withdrawal or not, its been there for years

I dont know how yall do it honestly, maybe i didnt choose the right method to try cuz the SI is so strong i chicken out and go into full panic

Still cant understand my rational a few years back of trying to attempt fully sober though...
i keep thinking now that if i had the option to take pills abd fade away id be able to do it if i decide to but feels like im fooling myself, or just reluctant to think about it id rather get drunk, messed up and high

I dont know what scares me more, my own mind,my lack of courage, overthinking the afterlife, leaving my mom in shattered pieces, or how ugly life is.

 

[bennydiazapine]

If i am experiencing opioid withdrawal on some level then its probably very minimal

I wasnt using it oxy for too long, i read its very hard to be able to eat, and im crazy hungry
but my time perception is non-existant on drugs, id estimate around a week or so, probably less
But i used grapefruit, nsaids, antihistamines, baking soda and stimulants to potentiate it so whatever doses i took is an unreliable measurment

most of the withdrawal is definitely stimulants,
and ye,the struggle is mental, i could care less about being fatigued,
even watching a tv show feels impossible at times, its more like staring at colored pixels and hearing white noise..

Probably does me no good to have a cabinet full of meds and a nic vape right by my side cuz i take few hits when i start swinging back and forth

i just dont like to think about ctb when my mind isnt fully made up and when i dont have a plan yet or the mental capacity to go through with it right now,
But then i get into a thought loop thinking that those thoughts are necessary for me to reach a state of mind that enables me to ctb.

but idk, i guess its part of my neurological pathways now. Withdrawal or not, its been there for years

I dont know how yall do it honestly, maybe i didnt choose the right method to try cuz the SI is so strong i chicken out and go into full panic

Still cant understand my rational a few years back of trying to attempt fully sober though...
i keep thinking now that if i had the option to take pills abd fade away id be able to do it if i decide to but feels like im fooling myself, or just reluctant to think about it id rather get drunk, messed up and high

I dont know what scares me more, my own mind,my lack of courage, overthinking the afterlife, leaving my mom in shattered pieces, or how ugly life is.

I only go through mild opiate WD's as well, only using very small amounts and try to have days off.

Mild symptoms for me is just a runny/blocked nose and low moods, sometimes get a bit sweaty.

I'm struggling to find any joy in anything I do lately as well, ever since my attempt its been worse, I think this is one of the worst symtoms of depression - Just utter dread in everything you do. My first thought when I wake up in the morning is "Fuck"

I don't know what it's like to withdraw from stimulants, is it just a craving you have?

I think its important to be 100% committed if you do decide, and I think you should be in a solid state of mind when you do make the decision, as it (obviously) is one of the most permanent decisions you can make.

I hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do :)

 

[SeeminglyFine]

I don't know what it's like to withdraw from stimulants, is it just a craving you have?

Uhm i dont think so, cravings, tightness in my chest, really foggy minded, and i just dont feel like doing the things i really need to urgently get done, nor able to physically move much,


i seem to indulge on being really tired as it quiets down my mind.
My eyes are half shut right now and i feel like im resisting sleep, dont know if its just my thing...

As for depression and suicidal thoughts, i did everything to avoid it up untill now, as mentioned, food comas or fasting got my mind so out of it.. but ye been there inbetween, mostly unwanted recollections of the worst times of my life.
But havent managed to go longer than few days yet(didnt manage to quit everything too)which is when i think the fog will lift a bit and depression lurks awaiting, cuz last few times the first 3 days been the easiest, so much sleep after binging for 40+hours of staying awake everytime.....

I hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do :)

Thank you, i wish you the same

 

[SeeminglyFine]

Damn, that withdrawal got me abusing caffeine like a madman, didnt manage to stop it, been so high on everything else when trying to stop using ritalin, and drunk often too, even more than before.
today is a relapse day and im typing compulsivly not knowing why, and i feel nothing about it, i think im a lost cause, and i dont feel like i care right now.

Tomorrow is probably not going to be fun though... unless....

Well Maybe im just bound to be a junkie, cant change the fact that i have severe attention deficit disorder

Or maybe i just need wellbutrin or adderall or something idk.

 

[SeeminglyFine]

Im drunk and high once again and trying to stop myself from typing knowing im irrational right now but im getting scared to even think about quitting,

yesterday i mixed so many drugs i couldnt even stand up cuz i kept getting dizzy
and i havent yet decided if im ok with dying or not bcuz my mom will subsequently suffer,

but idk what to do when my mind takes over and i stop caring, when that happens, 1minute later im washing down the pills with whisky and then snorting.

I went from counting my sucessfull soberness durations from days to minutes.
Usually 30minutes a day or so.

I think i know what i need to do and how to go about it, i got some good advices in this posts.

But knowing doesnt seem to suffice, i dont know what could possibly be done though.

Honestly, most of the day i say to myself that i dont need to quit, that if i try to then its gonna get worse and i will be mentally gone , and i tell myself its ok. And i know this is a defense mechnism but my mental state makes me ignore any logical thought that could possibly pop up...

Im no longer able to enjoy my hobby which helped me cope, and thats because of the drugs, And because of that, i now feel i can only cope with drugs.

I dont think any advice could possibly help me but.. idk what else possibly could when my ego is trying to make me ignore everything and anything to get high... like i said the advices above are good advices but if i cant apply them, is there anything that is easier to apply?

Any additional advices to share?

 

[western_heart]

maybe, if you're not physically dependent, you could get rid of some of the substances you're abusing? I have done this with varying success in the past, years ago I remember pouring a few liters of liquor down the drain, even though at the time I wasn't giving up alcohol completely, it helped me cut back temporarily.

or store them in a way that makes them harder to access - for stuff like pills or powders, a safe with a numeric passcode or something.

 

[SeeminglyFine]

I guess il try to make them less available by atleast not having it right beside my bed

What was the mindset and self talk when trying to quit in such agressive way?

Do i just need to be of the mentality of: i need to man up? Maybe im feeling too sorry for myself and im stroking my ego... enabling myself and being a stuck up crybaby? Unable to handle my own thought, feelings nor reality..

And i guess i do feel physically dependant, if im not misinterpreting the meaning.
atleast on some of the substances(withdrawal wont kill me tho), sometimes i dose to get out of bed and shower or something, im not really partying here.
the anxiety and pressure in my chest today was present even tipsy and high, i suppose that was nicotine withdrawal because never did tobacco flip my brain as intensly as today

Its like the substances in my system dont even work when on a nicotine withdrawal or any other withdrawal,

being often dumb and inappropriate when drunk+high and feeling ashamed for it later is another thing that makes me do it more i suppose.

i guess il store them someplace less available for now and see where it leads me
Thank you