“You might not like your new body/life, but you’ll have to get used to it”

[emgrl]

This is what my therapist tells me. "You don't have to like or love your new body or life post-trauma, but how can you be comfortable enough with it to take care of it and keep it strong and safe?"

What?! I don't want to take care of it. I don't want it safe and strong. I despise it, and there's no escaping it. I'm literally trapped and tortured everyday with the physical and emotional reminders of my trauma… and I'm asked to embrace it to help my mental health?

It's a sick circle that they aren't running around on. I am… And I'm exhausted.

How do you all deal with the expectations of mental healthcare professionals?

 

[lachrymost]

"You don't have to like it, but you better learn to live with it!" I hear it all the time. It really is exhausting. I wish we didn't have to live with unbearable things.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

"You don't have to like it, but you better learn to live with it!"

Exactly, this it's a different kind of toxic positivity and its very callous and dismissive really.

@emgrl I'm so so sorry for this. I'm sorry that your therapist isn't more supportive and understanding, and I'm sorry for everything you've been through. It's a hell being trapped with your traumas. I feel so bad for everyone that cannot escape their trauma, their abuse or even their own body. Much support to you from now until forever.

 

[Sad_Sack]

This is what my therapist tells me. "You don't have to like or love your new body or life post-trauma, but how can you be comfortable enough with it to take care of it and keep it strong and safe?"

What?! I don't want to take care of it. I don't want it safe and strong. I despise it, and there's no escaping it. I'm literally trapped and tortured everyday with the physical and emotional reminders of my trauma… and I'm asked to embrace it to help my mental health?

It's a sick circle that they aren't running around on. I am… And I'm exhausted.

How do you all deal with the expectations of mental healthcare professionals?

Ugh. I so wish there was a device that could let people feel exactly what you are. It would shut them right the fuck up.

 

[emgrl]

Ugh. I so wish there was a device that could let people feel exactly what you are. It would shut them right the fuck up.

I mean, she just heard me say again how much pain I'm in physically… goes right into "so what are you going to do to help that pain and take care of your new body?" Ummm… what?! I have no answers for her. None.

 

[akirat9]

"You don't have to like it, but you better learn to live with it!"

Bullshit. I will walk right out and take that SN no hesitation

 

[Suicidebydeath]

I mean, she just heard me say again how much pain I'm in physically… goes right into "so what are you going to do to help that pain and take care of your new body?" Ummm… what?! I have no answers for her. None.

I'm so sorry. I would expect something like "You're always in pain" in response to me, so I just have to not mention it. I'm sorry you have to endure so much pain without receiving support from people that are supposed to help you. Best wishes.

 

[IntoTheLight]

I hate hearing this so much. "Your situation might suck but life goes on so what are you going to do about it" - maybe fixing the part where life goes on.

 

[emgrl]

I hate hearing this so much. "Your situation might suck but life goes on so what are you going to do about it" - maybe fixing the part where life goes on.

Wow, that was deep. Perfectly put ♡

 

[Suicidebydeath]

How do you all deal with the expectations of mental healthcare professionals?

I don't think expectations like those are reasonable. Maybe they should learn what it's like first or from the experience of others before they judge.

 

[hungry_ghost]

and I'm asked to embrace it to help my mental health?

What else can you do?

"Embracing" it is not about affording it some positive characteristic, but accepting the things you can't change.

None of us can change the past.

To me, the therapist's responses seem practical.

"What are you going to do about x, y, z..."

This is a logical question that encourages the patient to come up with actions that address their problems, rather than just drowning in them and being stagnant.

Do you want to be helped? Do you want to do something about it? If not, why are you in therapy?

 

[emgrl]

What else can you do?

"Embracing" it is not about affording it some positive characteristic, but accepting the things you can't change.

None of us can change the past.

To me, the therapist's responses seem practical.

"What are you going to do about x, y, z..."

This is a logical question that encourages the patient to come up with actions that address their problems, rather than just drowning in them and being stagnant.

Do you want to be helped? Do you want to do something about it? If not, why are you in therapy?

I do see where she's coming from. I joined therapy for my sister. They are practical questions for those that want help. It's really soon in the process, though. Not saying that's an excuse, but I'm literally crying every session.

I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know if I can be helped at this point. I'm doing my best, but taking care of something that's causing the anxiety and depression is a lot to ask of me right now. I long for peace ♡

 

[sleeps]

"you know, sometimes you just have to suck it up and pull yourself up by your bootstraps. it is what it is and you gotta live with it. wHaT oThEr ChOiCe Do U hAvE?¿"

uh, not live. dummy

 

[ever so lonely]

i hear you man, it is this why i stopped reaching out to therapists and cbt therapy or whatever they deem it as these days, this struck a chord, there very good at invalidating us or stating the bleeding obvious, i just wish they would shut there traps rather than give advice like this, which is useless, like as if you didnt already know what they stated, sometimes they insult your intelligence too, i used to play dumb with mine, seemed to work to some degree, they will never have a clue what it is like to be in our positions, staring down the barrel of death everyday, nor could they probably care less about us, i feel for you emgrl, i stopped reaching out around covid so like 2020 ish, the fact i dont have to interact with them makes me feel better in myself, honestly, i find psychopathy a bit of a mine field some say a chemical imabalance doesnt even exist, but i dont know, hope your feeling better soonies as your always around here giving positive vibes, i hate therapists with a passion, and more often than not they cause more harm than good, they have this i am better than thou thing going on a lot of the time too, which is the last thing you need to encounter, i seldom meet a person in life who has a positive thing to say of mental health professionals, and i use the term professional very loosely, hope your ok soon, and sorry for the shitty advice, if it is any consolation i would wager most of us have been there and received the same or similar shitty advice

 

[locked*n*loaded]

"so what are you going to do to help that pain and take care of your new body?

So, what is she trying to do, trip you up so you'll say that you you have no intention of taking care of your body and, instead, are just going to ctb?

 

[emgrl]

So, what is she trying to do, trip you up so you'll say that you you have no intention of taking care of your body and, instead, are just going to ctb?

She is the one who reminded me when we first started that if I ever mention CTB to her, she'd have to alert authorities. She said "she doesn't work well with dead clients"

 

[locked*n*loaded]

She is the one who reminded me when we first started that if I ever mention CTB to her, she'd have to alert authorities.

Is it possible she may just be trying to push your buttons to get you to say you want to ctb, or at least gauge if you want to ctb? You said she already told you that if you mention ctb, she'll contact authorities. In the grand scheme of things, it is her job to help you, or anyone, even if that means making sure you won't hurt yourself, even if that means having you locked up for a while if she thinks you will.

 

[earshurt]

I'm really sorry. In my experience therapists are ill-equipped to address physical issues that you can't will away with the right mindset.

 

[Hollowman]

I don't deal with them at all anymore they're useless to me.

 

[emgrl]

Is it possible she may just be trying to push your buttons to get you to say you want to ctb, or at least gauge if you want to ctb? You said she already told you that if you mention ctb, she'll contact authorities. In the grand scheme of things, it is her job to help you, or anyone, even if that means making sure you won't hurt yourself, even if that means having you locked up for a while if she thinks you will.

Could very well be… maybe she is trying to get me to admit it. All I know is, locking someone up isn't the answer.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I don't know. I've long quit therapy. They just have nothing special to offer me. I suppose I kind of agree with the sentiment that you either have to adapt or don't and die. I choose the second which is why I don't seek therapy anymore.

 

[Traveler VII]

She said "she doesn't work well with dead clients"

That is one of most callous things I've ever read...

Though it was likely meant in jest, a practitioner's compassion, self-awareness and proper reading of a client's emotional cues can go a long way towards preventing unpleasant experiences.

Examples like this are why I've chosen to limit my contact with mental health professionals.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Your therapist is trying to get you to except your new reality but you don't want to. I empathize. I don't want my new reality I want my old reality back.

 

[freedompass]

How do you all deal with the expectations of mental healthcare professionals?

My mental health has improved since staying away from statutory mental health services. I found my own support worker and pay her myself out of my disability benefit since that is what it is for.

I'm also currently in online therapy. At the outset I discussed with her about ctb. No way in hell would I pay good money to someone I can't even open up to without the fear of being carted off to hospital. Here in the UK to be fair you'd need to do a lot more than talk or admit to having thoughts.

I'm paying her. Let her deal with my expectations, I don't give a fuck about hers tbh. If at any point I'm unhappy with her performance it is very easy to switch.

 

[Nirrend]

This is what my therapist tells me. "You don't have to like or love your new body or life post-trauma, but how can you be comfortable enough with it to take care of it and keep it strong and safe?"

What?! I don't want to take care of it. I don't want it safe and strong. I despise it, and there's no escaping it. I'm literally trapped and tortured everyday with the physical and emotional reminders of my trauma… and I'm asked to embrace it to help my mental health?

It's a sick circle that they aren't running around on. I am… And I'm exhausted.

How do you all deal with the expectations of mental healthcare professionals?

I'm really sorry, I understand so much why we could fear healthcare professionals..

Often, they say things they don't really lived and so understand, and also, most of the time the way they talk to us is due to law and morality.

But morality and law is for them, greater than real well being..

I'm sorry for what you're going through ❤❤

Love ❤

 

[hush hush]

This is what my therapist tells me. "You don't have to like or love your new body or life post-trauma, but how can you be comfortable enough with it to take care of it and keep it strong and safe?"

What?! I don't want to take care of it. I don't want it safe and strong. I despise it, and there's no escaping it. I'm literally trapped and tortured everyday with the physical and emotional reminders of my trauma… and I'm asked to embrace it to help my mental health?

It's a sick circle that they aren't running around on. I am… And I'm exhausted.

How do you all deal with the expectations of mental healthcare professionals?

It's like saying "eat your shit and suck it up". He just implied that you must get used to your circumstances without complaining. He does not want to you to commit suicide to avoid legal liability. Life is an unwanted and unequal gift or burden. You did not ask for your body or circumstances. If you are unhappy about them, you have to work hard to change them or escape them symbolically or literally. Therapists would be much more compassionate if they did not have the duty to "prevent" suicide, which actually means coercing individuals to stay alive under the instruction of their relatives and governments.

 

[Ryoxuka]

Stop taking bad bad therapy!

It is all a big scam!

 

[Rounded Agony]

@freedompass I was going to ask about your person but being in Canada likely means there is zero overlap with what's available to us. Maybe just the name of the profession or accreditation of your support? Not that I really have the money for such things now!

I made what I considered a big effort at the start of this year and got back into therapy, though under less than ideal circumstances (online and with a student). One thing that drove me nuts about the sessions was the implicit and explicit message of "being okay with not being okay" - you do realize that my "not okay" means I want to be fucking dead, right? I'm only considering the possibility now, but I'm pretty damn sure she wasn't hinting that I should actually off myself (though that'd be hilarious).

I think there's this unfortunately misappropriated and overapplied thing about "acceptance" where once you stop resisting the thing you have an issue with it'll somehow magically get better. That shit has a time and a place, and it is absolutely not chronic suicidality caused by several instances of different kinds of trauma, loss, poor health, lacking purpose and connection in life, etc. etc. When that same therapist tells me I'm spot on in saying that I'm lacking basically all the things that make life feel worth living but tells me to just "be okay" with it...sheer nonsense.

 

[freedompass]

@freedompass I was going to ask about your person but being in Canada likely means there is zero overlap with what's available to us. Maybe just the name of the profession or accreditation of your support? Not that I really have the money for such things now!

If you mean my support worker she doesn't have a job title, accreditation or professional status. She is an older woman, well past retirement age but still very fit and active, who lives in the same road as me.

I placed a little ad on a 'neighbour' site called NextDoor four years ago and she seemed well qualified in terms of her experience, skills, outlook and generally being a good person and easy to talk to. We also had plenty in common.

I pay her £20 an hour and generally just see her once a week.These days we meet on a Wednesday morning at the park gate, go for a walk and sometimes for coffee afterward. She is more of a good friend than anything. She knows me better than anyone and I know she enjoys our meetings too.

Having had very extensive experience with statutory mental health services I have found it very empowering to be able to make these decisions for myself.

 

[chaosandquiet]

She is the one who reminded me when we first started that if I ever mention CTB to her, she'd have to alert authorities. She said "she doesn't work well with dead clients"

This is one of the worst things I've ever heard from a mental health professional. I am so sorry she said that to you. She has a duty to let you speak honestly about how you're feeling. There is a big difference between saying "I'm suicidial" or "I wish I were dead" and actually saying you have a specific plan of how and when to ctb. Simply saying you want to die or have had thoughts of suicide is NOT cause to alert authorities. Her statements are really lacking in empathy.

Therapy can be helpful if you have a person who lets you speak freely and isn't imposing their own agenda on you. Otherwise, it can do more harm than good. I'm sorry you're having such a terrible experience. xx