killjohnlennon148
lost
- Dec 18, 2025
- 15
I dont get why everyone thinks theyre doing me a big favour. I dont want to live. I dont want to be "saved". all theyre really saving is their ego. theyre trying to save themselves from having to accept what I feel. they want to feel heroic, to ease their own guilt. it feels like people are more afraid of what my absence would mean for them than concerned with what living means to me.
really, all the hospital did was confirm that this is a place I never want to be inagain. even if I wanted help I would be forced to suffer out of fear of being sectioned. they drug you up with their mind control pills that fuck up your protective energetic field and if you dont comply you are held down and forcefully injected by government puppeted homicidal maniacs armed with an alarming confidence in their completely fabricated "science".
its no coincidence that spirituality or knowledge of the truth is regarded as a "mental illness". they just want to silence you. why do you think people like Elon musk are investing billions into rocket technology? they think they can brute force their way to enlightenment but they are nothing but a whole bunch of dirty demonic liars and cheats who will spend 50 million lifetimes in avici. im not retarded. I see through their lies.
they've been transmitting shit into my head about how no ones going to believe me. I know thats true, last time I told someone they thought I was losing it and drugged me up yknow its something else sitting in court hearing a judge declare youre "mentally disordered" having "paranoid delusions" when you know youre not that shit fucks up your psyche. I didnt even learn they thought I was "psychotic" until my LAWYER of all people came and told me. and then after a nyrse handed me a pamphlet about psychosis and didnt speak a word to me. If you think im insane SAY IT TO MY FACE but they won't because they know im fucking right.
also, I saw a psychologist today. I couldn't even comprehend a single thing he was saying. all words are garbled. psychologists truly are gifted at saying a whole load of nothing in the most words possible. I just got up and left after about 10 minutes. he commented on how I was "presentable" which I thought was funny given I haven't showered in over a week nor changed my clothes and haven't brushed my teteh for 2 weeks. I think as you near the end of yur life you stop caring about all of that crap.
im engaging in the act of self murder on the 27th. it'll be a full moon. I bought the rope last week and it been sitting under my bed waiting to twist itself into a noose and pull taught against my neck. im going to take it to a public bathroom (so as not to freak my family out) and call the police to come collect my body (so as not to freak some random cleaner out). I cant imagine theyre going to get there in time. I hope not.
much love
really, all the hospital did was confirm that this is a place I never want to be inagain. even if I wanted help I would be forced to suffer out of fear of being sectioned. they drug you up with their mind control pills that fuck up your protective energetic field and if you dont comply you are held down and forcefully injected by government puppeted homicidal maniacs armed with an alarming confidence in their completely fabricated "science".
its no coincidence that spirituality or knowledge of the truth is regarded as a "mental illness". they just want to silence you. why do you think people like Elon musk are investing billions into rocket technology? they think they can brute force their way to enlightenment but they are nothing but a whole bunch of dirty demonic liars and cheats who will spend 50 million lifetimes in avici. im not retarded. I see through their lies.
they've been transmitting shit into my head about how no ones going to believe me. I know thats true, last time I told someone they thought I was losing it and drugged me up yknow its something else sitting in court hearing a judge declare youre "mentally disordered" having "paranoid delusions" when you know youre not that shit fucks up your psyche. I didnt even learn they thought I was "psychotic" until my LAWYER of all people came and told me. and then after a nyrse handed me a pamphlet about psychosis and didnt speak a word to me. If you think im insane SAY IT TO MY FACE but they won't because they know im fucking right.
also, I saw a psychologist today. I couldn't even comprehend a single thing he was saying. all words are garbled. psychologists truly are gifted at saying a whole load of nothing in the most words possible. I just got up and left after about 10 minutes. he commented on how I was "presentable" which I thought was funny given I haven't showered in over a week nor changed my clothes and haven't brushed my teteh for 2 weeks. I think as you near the end of yur life you stop caring about all of that crap.
im engaging in the act of self murder on the 27th. it'll be a full moon. I bought the rope last week and it been sitting under my bed waiting to twist itself into a noose and pull taught against my neck. im going to take it to a public bathroom (so as not to freak my family out) and call the police to come collect my body (so as not to freak some random cleaner out). I cant imagine theyre going to get there in time. I hope not.
much love
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