Story Yay to another weekend alone, hugs to those in need of one

[FadingSnowFake]

I was at a work (retirement) party last night, and it made me think that if a bunch of us SaSu members could meet up, it would be more fun, with no need to pretend.

This was my first party with dancing in maybe 7 years. It was an eye opener seeing people having a great time, dancing, karaoke and laughing, and I could see they were for real, no faking and no alcohol even involved. I went because I thought it would be the decent thing to go and show my face. I have a bad cough so an excuse not to dance, but still, no wanting to join, no feeling inside while pretending, half cheering and clapping.

After a while I kept thinking how different I am to these carefree people, who must be filled with emotions to be able to enjoy themselves so much. On the way back I could picture pouring my SN. I don't think it's possible to live without emotions, to be dead inside and alive on the outside. This empty existence must become unbearable. It's like I saw for the first time how unlike the majority of people I am and realised I'm maybe more f*cked than I thought.

Maybe I just needed to know it's better to be alone and depressed, rather than fake social. I'm almost relieved to have another weekend alone, even if lonely at times. Thanks for the company, SaSu. Sending hugs to all who may feel lonely or just in need of a hug.

 

[itsgone2]

Do they notice? Do people ask if you're ok? I'm getting that frequently now. I'm also just numb to everything but I'm in such a bad spot right now I'm wearing horror on my face I think. I'm so ready to go. I'm mostly alone this weekend. I'm not sure why I'm not making an attempt right now.

 

[quietpill]

SaSu convention! Hope there's a ball pit. Hugs for you from another loner.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

Do they notice? Do people ask if you're ok? I'm getting that frequently now. I'm also just numb to everything but I'm in such a bad spot right now I'm wearing horror on my face I think. I'm so ready to go. I'm mostly alone this weekend. I'm not sure why I'm not making an attempt right now.

They didn't actually, could be that we don't really know each other. I'm quite new and working as a foreigner in another country, where English is limited. So, could be they are assuming I'm just weird.

If people notice you're not okay, they care enough to say it. How do you answer them? If you're in a bad spot, and unsure, it's probably best to take some time out if you can. I just think that it's important to find some calm, as uncertainty and panic may lead to mistakes, regrets, or whatever. Sorry for what you are dealing with, wish I could send more than hugs and words. You are not alone here.

 

[itsgone2]

I try to play it off. Depends on the situation. Outside of work I can think of five times where a person seemed disturbed.

 

[FadingSnowFake]

I try to play it off. Depends on the situation. Outside of work I can think of five times where a person seemed disturbed.

When they notice that you are in bad shape? Do they offer to help?

 

[itsgone2]

People say things like, are you ok, then I try to shake it off real quick. But I was in a convenience store and two of the workers definitely knew. They were trying and I just walked away anyway. No one can help though. Far too many things wrong and they grow by the week.