Venting wrote this on my notes app right now, thought id share

[ger3172]

1:53am
i stand in front of the mirror and it is as blank as my once thoughtful mind. no reflection staring back at me, analyzing and judging me, looking for flaws and whatnot. it's probably good that i stopped caring much about being righteous and about minimizing my lack of sense of self, but you see, and can probably sense that i have in fact stopped caring about this theatrical, hilarious, tragic thing we call life. i have no interest in living. i am stuck in a state of nothingness, in which i want nothing, enjoy nothing, have nothing to say, am nothing. you see, and can probably sense, that i am an all-emotional and full-of-empathy girl. i promise that is just what appears on the outside. i feel like i mimic what i once was, this person so loving and caring I used to be. now not one single spark comes from the mirror, because it's been put out way too many times, and i do not care enough, nor have the strength nor the courage to light it back. because i am unable to gleam, and instead i blaze. it's dangerous playing with fire. i let the mirror be taken over by darkness, daily visitor, such familiar thing, my best companion. now i dont see, but can probably sense, that i am reduced to sensing nothing.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm so sorry for how you feel- don't feel rather. You write beautifully. It's almost like poetry.

It's strange isn't it? My Dad read me something I wrote to him in a book years ago. It was so full of love and so open. I do still love him- of course but that person (me) is gone now. It's weird when you can suddenly see how much of yourself you have lost- or, kept hidden along the way.

 

[Rust20]

One must embrace emptiness as it is, Mother of creation and destruction.
Afraid of my shadow. I might not know who he is.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Such a beautiful post you have written.
I can relate to everything you have said.
I have almost completely shut down as a person now.
I consider myself already dead.
I grew tired of feeling too much, and loving too much.
These feelings eventually destroyed me.
I have locked my heart away in a box and thrown away the key.
For I have grown tired of this meaningless, pointless existence.
And all I wish for now is my death.

 

[ger3172]

I'm so sorry for how you feel- don't feel rather. You write beautifully. It's almost like poetry.

It's strange isn't it? My Dad read me something I wrote to him in a book years ago. It was so full of love and so open. I do still love him- of course but that person (me) is gone now. It's weird when you can suddenly see how much of yourself you have lost- or, kept hidden along the way.

that's a different kind of grief people don't talk about much. I feel like I mourn every day for who I once was.