Discussion Would you leave your sasu history for your relatives?

[Yknot]

When my son (@sakakap) ctb'd last January he left us a usb with a goodbye letter, pictures, spotify playlists and the complete chat history with a friend he met on this forum (@trist). Their sasu chat was 90 pages long, then they switched to whatsapp for another 700 pages.

The chats are sad, funny and beautiful. Honest and unmasked. We also found his sasu forum messages. We have gotten the chance to get to know the real him, including the side he thought we did not want to know or was afraid to show. Funny (in a morbid way) to read how his moods switched from the recovery megathread to the partner megathread. Funny how he describes his ex in australia - and that she has now planted a remembrance tree in her garden. I think it was really brave of him to leave this for us. We may disagree on a lot of things, but we can now understand and accept his views.

So that made me wonder. Would you leave personal details like your sasu history or whatsapp chats for your relatives? Would you be worried about how it might change their image of you?

 

[if_i_make_it]

i'm really awkward and easily embarrassed, so I won't be doing that. I think also, my family's apathy and behavior towards me contributed a lot to my trauma and suffering and i think i rather choose to walk the line between lying to them (or rather, placating them at the expense of my own dignity and truth), or telling them things they really don't want to hear. they can come to those conclusions themselves.

 

[thefirstluminary]

This post genuinely made me cry. I pray that your son's passing was free of pain, and that he is now resting in absolute peace. May you find comfort and strength in the days ahead.

So that made me wonder. Would you leave personal details like your sasu history or whatsapp chats for your relatives? Would you be worried about how it might change their image of you?

I thought about leaving things behind for my family when I die, but I realized there's barely anything to keep. I make a point of deleting my chats and logs, leaving almost no trace of myself online. My plan is to just give my friend my passwords and account access. I'll let him look through my posts here, and he can reach out to my Discord contacts to tell them I'm dead. But my private messages? I don't like anyone seeing those. Some of them are just too awkward. Come to think of it, maybe I should ask the people I'm talking to right now to delete their sides of the conversation, too

 

[Yknot]

i'm really awkward and easily embarrassed, so I won't be doing that. I think also, my family's apathy and behavior towards me contributed a lot to my trauma and suffering and i think i rather choose to walk the line between lying to them (or rather, placating them at the expense of my own dignity and truth), or telling them things they really don't want to hear. they can come to those conclusions themselves.

I think it's a shame that often the most beautiful and purest people consider themselves awkward, just because the majority of people seems to be moulded differently. If neurodiversity was the norm the world would be in a better place I think. Maybe we could find a cure for neurotypicals :-)

 

[wine is fine but]

When my son (@sakakap) ctb'd last January he left us a usb with a goodbye letter, pictures, spotify playlists and the complete chat history with a friend he met on this forum (@trist). Their sasu chat was 90 pages long, then they switched to whatsapp for another 700 pages.

The chats are sad, funny and beautiful. Honest and unmasked. We also found his sasu forum messages. We have gotten the chance to get to know the real him, including the side he thought we did not want to know or was afraid to show. Funny (in a morbid way) to read how his moods switched from the recovery megathread to the partner megathread. Funny how he describes his ex in australia - and that she has now planted a remembrance tree in her garden. I think it was really brave of him to leave this for us. We may disagree on a lot of things, but we can now understand and accept his views.

So that made me wonder. Would you leave personal details like your sasu history or whatsapp chats for your relatives? Would you be worried about how it might change their image of you?

i will be, because if nothing else, they will see how i specifically asked a mod
"why do you not care about my mental health? did you ever think that it might be possible to push someone who is already devastated, over the edge"
what my family choose to do with the fact the mod cared so little, they did not even respond is up to them

however, once back in the real world, i think it might be a good idea, because i feel that letters, while not really a waste of time, but are virtually impossible to get right. there is no way to put years or decades of feelings into a 3-5 minute note without missing some very important points. if they look at my post history or even the only thread i have made so far, it goes as far towards explaining accurately as i could anyway. i cannot explain to anyone why i have the feelings i do. there is no way that someone who does not share those feelings could ever understand. while some unanswered questions are inevitable, reading my post history would give a much more comprehensive assessment of how i felt, what i thought of my existence, and why i may have thrown that existence away than any 100% personal letter could. my posts are not sugar coated, whereas i feel a letter to my loved ones would be too sugar coated, or the exact opposite which is not what i want them to have to deal with

i would like to think that the image they have of me would be better if they read my posts here, but for me personally, that is neither here nor there. i generally only post here if i feel i can help someone, so i regularly answer the questions no one asked. it would be nice for them to have some positive memories of me through my online stuff, but i do not care if any of my embarrassing secrets get out once i am gone. i doubt i will be in a position to care, and both the good and bad are all part of who i am/was

i am so very sorry for your loss. it seems that you have made as much peace as possible so far with what happened, so hopefully you are coping with your loss as well as possible, but obviously, you will be totally devastated. if you do have any questions about how someone may feel, or what may have driven them to their decision, feel free to ask. everyone's situation is different, but i feel most are fairly related for the most part, but of course, knowing some things may make you feel worse so perhaps just looking at his posts are enough

 

[thefirstluminary]

i'm really awkward and easily embarrassed, so I won't be doing that. I think also, my family's apathy and behavior towards me contributed a lot to my trauma and suffering and i think i rather choose to walk the line between lying to them (or rather, placating them at the expense of my own dignity and truth), or telling them things they really don't want to hear. they can come to those conclusions themselves.

Don't you think you should try to leave this world on good terms with people? Leaving your family drowning in regret and hatred toward themselves is cruel, even if they hurt you. I know you're in pain, but to many, dying by suicide is already a selfish act venting your anger at everyone in your final note isn't going to make it any better

 

[skybox]

I can't describe how it feels seeing a parent talk about their child on here, but I am sorry for your loss. My mom is 60 and we are very close. I have no reason to leave her or anyone else any links to here because it's so irrelevant in my life. I'd rather her read through Discord messages with my 10+ year long friendships

 

[devils~advocate]

Yes, Ive thought about leaving a link or extract what I have discussed here. I want my family to know what I thought about...almost on a daily occasion.
Ive already made a lot of audio recordings for them that are a kind of biography of my life's experiences...good and bad. Ive explained to them that its not their fault for what Ive done to myself. I think about all this multiple times a day for the past 6 or more years. Its like re-experiencing a nightmare over & over every night.

 

[wine is fine but]

Don't you think you should try to leave this world on good terms with people? Leaving your family drowning in regret and hatred toward themselves is cruel, even if they hurt you. I know you're in pain, but to many, dying by suicide is already a selfish act venting your anger at everyone in your final note isn't going to make it any better

there is no perfect answer, but it is a huge cross to bear for someone's family - particularly if their perception of how their family treated them is not 100% accurate

obviously, i have no idea on their relationship, but losing someone is generally always more than enough pain to have to endure

 

[rainatthebusstop]

I was considering writing a suicide letter but it would be mostly about how I want my funeral to go. My family has made it clear they don't love me and are more than happy to remember someone at my funeral who only exists in their minds and not in objective reality.

Regardless thank you for sharing your story. I'm very sorry it happened to you and I'm glad your son chose to show himself to you in that manner. May he rest in peace and may you find peace as well

 

[Jadeith]

Would you leave personal details like your sasu history or whatsapp chats for your relatives? Would you be worried about how it might change their image of you?

To answer first question - no i won't. Not because there's something i'd like to hide. Just, i don't think that there will be anything interesting for them or "explaining" in a way easier for them to understand. If they don't understand me and my motives while i'm here, no amount of digital footprint would change that after i'm gone.
As for the second question - there's nice acronym summing up my answer. IDGAF. I'd be dead when that would happen so their "image of me" and possible change to it wouldn't affect me in the slightest.

 

[darksouls]

no,
they are antisocial idiots,
my family has never understood me

 

[thefirstluminary]

but losing someone is generally always more than enough pain to have to endure

that's what I was pointing out it's already too much to lose a person and it only adds up if you show anger in the note

 

[bb142342]

I am sorry to hear that.

But regarding your question: No, I would never do that.
Nor would I ever leave addresses accessible—for instance, if I had purchased something from someone.

Doing so only puts other people in a difficult position. Bereaved relatives often react in unpredictable ways; rather than accepting that this was the deceased's own wish, they tend to cast blame on others.
Specifically, they might target the people involved in chat conversations, or the person who may have sent something, and report them to the authorities.

Speaking as someone who has also contemplated this, I can only say that one should at least leave others the chance to receive something useful.

 

[unluckysadness]

I'm sorry for your loss
I would like my family to read my posts, and I'm sure they will, because police will investigate and my family will ask where i found SN, etc...
Posting here is - to me - better than any goodbye letter, because we just post without masks, just with our heart. No fake smile here, no fake feelings, that's why this place is so important. I can't speak about my suicidal ideation irl, that's why it's so important for many of us.