ctb_warrior
I wish to CTB asap
- Feb 11, 2024
- 678
Okay, this is a venting thread.
Just some experiences and thoughts about my life
Read it in case you want to
If I look back at my life, I was an innocent bright kid, great at academics, ahead of my peers, full of creativity.
Jealousy of my maternal uncle was the first thing that affected my mental peace, he was jealous that i got all the love and attention while his kids didnt. He still brags about his kids to this date. (btw later in life I proved who is superior. his kid and myself we appeared in an entrance exam in India, i got a rank under top 10 all India, and his kid was faaaaaaaaaaar behind - that moron uncle tells my friend that anyone can get top 10, if that's so, why didn't his kid get it lol)
So, this maternal uncle kept annoying and bullying me. (Today he hasn't got the guts to look me in the eyes because if I'm nice, I can also be tenacious and diabolical, after growing up, I showed him his place)
Later on, my class teacher was harassing me. And there was a nun in that school who bashed me on my birthday even when she knew it was my birthday. She was pure evil. Bloody witch.
Although, in my next year, i got a very considerate class teacher who literally focused on my growth so much. Made me act in a drama. Made me dance with a female partner. Also made me sit between two girls to remove my hesitation. She was indeed a great teacher.
Later on, I became a computer wizard of my school. When people were learning to speak in English (i am from India so english is not our first language so a lot of ppl struggle at it)
I could speak in fluent english when i was 8
And i got good at computers by the age of 10.
I had my own animated website up and running on the internet at the age of 12.
Then something happened and i was in a state of shock for many months.
Later on, one day i fainted and the idiot doctor asked for eeg and mri.. he falsely diagnosed it as epilepsy even when it was syncope
Anyways
Later on, when i changed city and school.
I got admission again in a missionary school.
That school was so evil that it's principal who was a father in the church used to run around the playground beating kids profusely
So this school admitted 61 students even when the limit allotted to that school by education board was 30-32.
They wanted to earn from the fees of all 61 students and later eliminate the extra students in the name of poor performance by saying that they were not good at studies.
So, they started failing all the new students who didnt study private tution from those teachers
I matched both the criteria, i was new student to that school and i didn't study private tuition from any of the teachers.
They failed me in physics and chemistry.. they could not fail me in English computer science and maths.
However, failing in physics and chemistry was enough to give me a shock.
I was bright at academics and i had failed for the very first time.
I didn't know how to break this news to my parents. Every evening when my father came back from office, i used to look at his face.. and i used to think, should i tell or not...
And every day i used to get a no from my conscience.
It was finally the evening before parents teacher meeting
On that day my parents would have known that i failed.
I had taken a leave from school.
I thought of running away from home, i thought of lying down on railway track, i thought of electrocuting myself.
None of them looked feasible
I decided to mix my epilepsy meds with my mom's depression medicines + multi vitamins.
I got poisoned successfully but
Green fluid started flowing out of my mouth
And my parents got alarmed.
I was taken to hospital and admitted in icu. I was unconscious all this time. I woke up after 2 days. I looked around, i was on a hospital bed, alive, and i could hear beeping ecg machines around me..and dying patients on other beds.
So, i survived and came back from hospital
I had no option but to give life a chance.
As i was good at computer science.
There was a computer exhibition.. i thought let's show them my talent.
I worked on a project all by myself and developed and designed a beautiful project.
Back then we used to have floppy disks and CD was just introduced.
I asked my teacher if i can bring my project on a floppy, he said yes.
But on the day of exhibition, he had removed floppy drives from all the systems.
He deliberately lied to me so he could promote his distant relative who was my classmate.
He was nothing in front of me.
Anyways.. so, i had taken my project on a floppy disk, and floppy drives were removed. He said, bring the project on a CD.
There was no way to do that.
I had to wait until 10am so that some computer shop or cyber cafe would open and I could make that happen
I roamed around for hours on the street looking for an option. But couldn't find anything.
Finally at 10 i found a shop, where i got the content written on a CD.
I went quickly to the exhibition room
This mf assigned me an old black and white pc with no multimedia. My project had animation and multimedia based beautiful project.
That day i lost interest in computers.
I went to a medical shop and bought paracetamol to OD. I bought 4 of them and hid them in my tiffin box.
When i reached home, my father opened the tiffin box and found those 4 strips of paracetamol.
To cover it up, i explained that i was getting a lot of fever lately, that's why i bought these many leaflets of paracetamol.
Even though it got seized. I didn't give up
I bought more. And I ODed on them.
But unfortunately, it created some sort of discomfort in my chest.. It was very uneasy. I was regretting it.
I have knowledge of homeopathy so I took carbo veg 30. It eased my situation in 30 minutes.
Never OD on paracetamol.... Please!!!!!!!!!!
It's the worst thing to do in desperation.
I again attempted suicide and landed in hospital icu. I anyways passed that class for the curious ones. They couldn't fail me.. i scored good marks in the finals.
Fast forward to my college life. As these 2 years were suppressed. I did yoga and meditation, and i increased my energy levels to the next level.
I became a star in my college on the first day itself.
People were extremely impressed by me.
But with that i got many silent enemies too, who were secretly jealous of me.
They tried to troll me in my 3rd year.. I'm good at trolling btw as I'm very witty. I trolled the fuck out of them. They were 7 and I was all alone.
But by the end of it, my sensitive heart was upset and tired
I ctbed on all the ativan strips I had
40 strips. I thought it'll end the suffering finally.. But i didn't know ctb is not possible with od.
I survived and woke up after 5-6 days.
Then, i created a motivational page to motivate ppl. It became an instant hit in south asia.
It got 15000 followers in 9 months.
After that i got my soulmate in my life..when she entered my life as a best friend, life became interesting suddenly
We had 8 years of fairytale relationship.
Then, after break up i ctbed again and failed at it
I dedicated my life to helping ppl in distress and fortified myself . I made that my purpose
But there was this friend of mine who was like why is this guy not getting seduced by her
She kept on striking my psyche. After several attempts, i finally succumbed to the seduction.
I proposed her
After 2 weeks she said that she has got a potential proposal from a family friend and her father wants her to marry that guy
Now, interestingly, this guy was a jerk. She is currently with another guy but she can't marry that guy as well, because that guy's family doesn't approve of this girl.
Later on, while i was exploring SaSu for ctb methods
Another friend of mine was impressed with my wit and sense of humor.
She started giving her efforts on me. She showered her love and care for a month that's when I melted and allowed her to enter my psyche.
6 months were smooth. I gave her all the love i could. But later on, she cheated on me and to not be called a cheater, she tried to assassinate my character.. It took me two months to prove that I'm innocent.
But it was taking a toll on my mental health..i started drinking alcohol for the first time
And i developed anxiety disorder
After i proved myself innocent, as I was famous, so she had to come back to me,. But she was slowly brainwashing everyone behind my back against me. So that she is still not called a cheater. But one person can be blind, two, 5, 10 can be blind, all can't be.. Everyone could see her game..
So she actually had come in relationship with someone else.
She could have simply chosen to tell me that let's breakup because i like someone else. And i would have let her go.. But she played drama and tug of war. That worsened my anxiety disorder and it escalated into mdd.
I loved her so much that I went to a foreign country to settle a career so that we both could have a good life together, but she was already seeing someone else so my efforts were getting wasted
What I learnt from this episode that please never ever keep your self respect below anyone
Your self respect is the most important thing
And if you don't love yourself, whoever you are with, slowly they will also move away from you.
Soooooo
No matter how much effort i gave to improve my life...
No matter how much love i gave to the girls in my lifell...
In the end, it doesn't even matters......
Just some experiences and thoughts about my life
Read it in case you want to
If I look back at my life, I was an innocent bright kid, great at academics, ahead of my peers, full of creativity.
Jealousy of my maternal uncle was the first thing that affected my mental peace, he was jealous that i got all the love and attention while his kids didnt. He still brags about his kids to this date. (btw later in life I proved who is superior. his kid and myself we appeared in an entrance exam in India, i got a rank under top 10 all India, and his kid was faaaaaaaaaaar behind - that moron uncle tells my friend that anyone can get top 10, if that's so, why didn't his kid get it lol)
So, this maternal uncle kept annoying and bullying me. (Today he hasn't got the guts to look me in the eyes because if I'm nice, I can also be tenacious and diabolical, after growing up, I showed him his place)
Later on, my class teacher was harassing me. And there was a nun in that school who bashed me on my birthday even when she knew it was my birthday. She was pure evil. Bloody witch.
Although, in my next year, i got a very considerate class teacher who literally focused on my growth so much. Made me act in a drama. Made me dance with a female partner. Also made me sit between two girls to remove my hesitation. She was indeed a great teacher.
Later on, I became a computer wizard of my school. When people were learning to speak in English (i am from India so english is not our first language so a lot of ppl struggle at it)
I could speak in fluent english when i was 8
And i got good at computers by the age of 10.
I had my own animated website up and running on the internet at the age of 12.
Then something happened and i was in a state of shock for many months.
Later on, one day i fainted and the idiot doctor asked for eeg and mri.. he falsely diagnosed it as epilepsy even when it was syncope
Anyways
Later on, when i changed city and school.
I got admission again in a missionary school.
That school was so evil that it's principal who was a father in the church used to run around the playground beating kids profusely
So this school admitted 61 students even when the limit allotted to that school by education board was 30-32.
They wanted to earn from the fees of all 61 students and later eliminate the extra students in the name of poor performance by saying that they were not good at studies.
So, they started failing all the new students who didnt study private tution from those teachers
I matched both the criteria, i was new student to that school and i didn't study private tuition from any of the teachers.
They failed me in physics and chemistry.. they could not fail me in English computer science and maths.
However, failing in physics and chemistry was enough to give me a shock.
I was bright at academics and i had failed for the very first time.
I didn't know how to break this news to my parents. Every evening when my father came back from office, i used to look at his face.. and i used to think, should i tell or not...
And every day i used to get a no from my conscience.
It was finally the evening before parents teacher meeting
On that day my parents would have known that i failed.
I had taken a leave from school.
I thought of running away from home, i thought of lying down on railway track, i thought of electrocuting myself.
None of them looked feasible
I decided to mix my epilepsy meds with my mom's depression medicines + multi vitamins.
I got poisoned successfully but
Green fluid started flowing out of my mouth
And my parents got alarmed.
I was taken to hospital and admitted in icu. I was unconscious all this time. I woke up after 2 days. I looked around, i was on a hospital bed, alive, and i could hear beeping ecg machines around me..and dying patients on other beds.
So, i survived and came back from hospital
I had no option but to give life a chance.
As i was good at computer science.
There was a computer exhibition.. i thought let's show them my talent.
I worked on a project all by myself and developed and designed a beautiful project.
Back then we used to have floppy disks and CD was just introduced.
I asked my teacher if i can bring my project on a floppy, he said yes.
But on the day of exhibition, he had removed floppy drives from all the systems.
He deliberately lied to me so he could promote his distant relative who was my classmate.
He was nothing in front of me.
Anyways.. so, i had taken my project on a floppy disk, and floppy drives were removed. He said, bring the project on a CD.
There was no way to do that.
I had to wait until 10am so that some computer shop or cyber cafe would open and I could make that happen
I roamed around for hours on the street looking for an option. But couldn't find anything.
Finally at 10 i found a shop, where i got the content written on a CD.
I went quickly to the exhibition room
This mf assigned me an old black and white pc with no multimedia. My project had animation and multimedia based beautiful project.
That day i lost interest in computers.
I went to a medical shop and bought paracetamol to OD. I bought 4 of them and hid them in my tiffin box.
When i reached home, my father opened the tiffin box and found those 4 strips of paracetamol.
To cover it up, i explained that i was getting a lot of fever lately, that's why i bought these many leaflets of paracetamol.
Even though it got seized. I didn't give up
I bought more. And I ODed on them.
But unfortunately, it created some sort of discomfort in my chest.. It was very uneasy. I was regretting it.
I have knowledge of homeopathy so I took carbo veg 30. It eased my situation in 30 minutes.
Never OD on paracetamol.... Please!!!!!!!!!!
It's the worst thing to do in desperation.
I again attempted suicide and landed in hospital icu. I anyways passed that class for the curious ones. They couldn't fail me.. i scored good marks in the finals.
Fast forward to my college life. As these 2 years were suppressed. I did yoga and meditation, and i increased my energy levels to the next level.
I became a star in my college on the first day itself.
People were extremely impressed by me.
But with that i got many silent enemies too, who were secretly jealous of me.
They tried to troll me in my 3rd year.. I'm good at trolling btw as I'm very witty. I trolled the fuck out of them. They were 7 and I was all alone.
But by the end of it, my sensitive heart was upset and tired
I ctbed on all the ativan strips I had
40 strips. I thought it'll end the suffering finally.. But i didn't know ctb is not possible with od.
I survived and woke up after 5-6 days.
Then, i created a motivational page to motivate ppl. It became an instant hit in south asia.
It got 15000 followers in 9 months.
After that i got my soulmate in my life..when she entered my life as a best friend, life became interesting suddenly
We had 8 years of fairytale relationship.
Then, after break up i ctbed again and failed at it
I dedicated my life to helping ppl in distress and fortified myself . I made that my purpose
But there was this friend of mine who was like why is this guy not getting seduced by her
She kept on striking my psyche. After several attempts, i finally succumbed to the seduction.
I proposed her
After 2 weeks she said that she has got a potential proposal from a family friend and her father wants her to marry that guy
Now, interestingly, this guy was a jerk. She is currently with another guy but she can't marry that guy as well, because that guy's family doesn't approve of this girl.
Later on, while i was exploring SaSu for ctb methods
Another friend of mine was impressed with my wit and sense of humor.
She started giving her efforts on me. She showered her love and care for a month that's when I melted and allowed her to enter my psyche.
6 months were smooth. I gave her all the love i could. But later on, she cheated on me and to not be called a cheater, she tried to assassinate my character.. It took me two months to prove that I'm innocent.
But it was taking a toll on my mental health..i started drinking alcohol for the first time
And i developed anxiety disorder
After i proved myself innocent, as I was famous, so she had to come back to me,. But she was slowly brainwashing everyone behind my back against me. So that she is still not called a cheater. But one person can be blind, two, 5, 10 can be blind, all can't be.. Everyone could see her game..
So she actually had come in relationship with someone else.
She could have simply chosen to tell me that let's breakup because i like someone else. And i would have let her go.. But she played drama and tug of war. That worsened my anxiety disorder and it escalated into mdd.
I loved her so much that I went to a foreign country to settle a career so that we both could have a good life together, but she was already seeing someone else so my efforts were getting wasted
What I learnt from this episode that please never ever keep your self respect below anyone
Your self respect is the most important thing
And if you don't love yourself, whoever you are with, slowly they will also move away from you.
Soooooo
No matter how much effort i gave to improve my life...
No matter how much love i gave to the girls in my lifell...
In the end, it doesn't even matters......
Last edited:
