Would you be willing to have kids?

[Lupgevif]

No. Even if I do not kill myself, get older and sort my life, no. Don't wanna risk repeating history.

 

[sadworld]

Definitely not. I never wanted to be born and i don't want to put other humans on this fucked up place.

 

[Marchioness]

I would like to have kids, or at least a child. I worry though about passing down depression, it would tear me apart to see them sad.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

My story is here on many threads.. I was born into an abusive hell. My abuser my father died when I was 15 and 2 months. About 6 months later I met a bf who was more evil than my father. I spent I dont know a yr or so with this piece of garbage being his punching bag. I spent 16 1/2-18 1/2 suicidal in and out of psych hospitals. 18 1/2 I was diagnosed with cancer.

At 20 I had my older son. I feel I was so blessed and lucky, never would have thought so much love and happiness was possible. I do not regret having him and he was an amazing man, friend, person and son. He died at 25 in a car accident. Which brought back all my desire to CTB worse than it was as a teenager. He was happy, found joy in simple things like rainbows and clouds, laid back, the guy who made everyone laugh, he had about 200 people throw him a candle light ceremony the night after he passed. He was loved by all who knew him and so many had such wonderful things to say about him. He would be 28 now. I also have a son who will be 20 in a couple of months. I broke when my older son died and I regret not being strong enough. My younger son was put through a lot more than he deserved to be. I'm so sorry I wasn't strong enough to handle his brothers death. I do not regret having my younger son either. He's a wonderful young man with so much potential. I LIVED for my kids. While yes, I did have depression and anxiety all those years I was able to keep it in control for my kids because my kids needed me. I have been on xanax for 13 years because my anxiety was bad. My kids didn't go without, they always had- I went without so they could have. I have existed the last 3 years since my older son died for my younger son. I don't want to cause him any more emotional upset. He has been through enough loosing his brother. The only time my kids went through anything bad- was my younger son having to watch me after his brother died. My kids were/are my life. They were why I lived and tried hard to make each day better than the next.

Those who do not want children I respect your rights. I ask you to respect mine to have had mine.

@Dr Iron Arc don't be in a hurry to have kids. Take your time, get married and make sure you are financially and mentally ready for them. I'm sorry about your sister. At least she is lucky to have you. Autism is genetic.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

@Dr Iron Arc don't be in a hurry to have kids. Take your time, get married and make sure you are financially and mentally ready for them. I'm sorry about your sister. At least she is lucky to have you. Autism is genetic.

That's just it, I'm certainly in no rush to have any right now or even in the next few years (I'm only 26 after all) and I'm in no financial position to raise any either. She only broke it off with me to save both of us from the future potential romantic drama of when I might eventually feel more like I actually want them and while she isn't completely against it, she physically can't even if she wanted to. Come to think of it, I should have fought harder for her to give me the chance to prove I can change my opinion...

Also, very sorry to hear about what happened to your sons. Your wanting to live for them and sacrificing so much for them is also part of what gives me hope for me in the future even if my future offspring did suffer in some way. I firmly believe I would also want to do the best to manage my own failings for them and that it would be one of the only ways I could even possibly be motivated to do so. Then again, who knows what could really go wrong?...

 

[262653]

Does anyone here want kids but don't want to raise them? I thought that I'm against kids but I recently realized that it's the caring/nurturing component that puts me off. It feels to me like a big waste of time and effort.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I definitely won't be sticking around long enough to have kids, not that I want them. I think I would make a pretty shit mother. I don't like that there's this expectation for us to get married and kids.

I'd say that this expectation puts a lot more pressure on women than it does on men. When you reach a certain age, the fact is that most people will look down on you if you are not settled down and do not have a kid or two.

Does anyone here want kids but don't want to raise them? I thought that I'm against kids but I recently realized that it's the caring/nurturing component that puts me off. It feels to me like a big waste of time and effort.

I think that most people have kids because society pressures them into it. My biggest fear is that my kid would be born with some type of disability that would render them incapable of living an independent life.

 

[Trayus]

i would have loved to have a girlfriend and children. It has always been easier for me to do things for others than for myself. If i know that all the suffering and bullshit i endure on a day-to-day basis is to make sure that others have a better life it would be so worth it and give me the strength to keep going.

Buuuut because i am an ugly introverted unlovable nerd this will never happen. Ohh well.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

I was an antinatalist for a while. While I am still sympathetic to the worldview, I don't think there is are any objective duties or moral facts. But that wasn't your question.

I would be willing to have children if I felt I had succeeded in healing my developmental trauma and competent in my ability to raise a child in a secure and nurturing environment (which includes a world that isn't going to shit).

 

[Pointlesslife]

I want to have sexual experiences but don't want to have kids. Children are a lot of work and I think I'd make an only okay father.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Short answer no.

I shared my story here before but I will again. My ex tied me and raped me when I ran out of birth control pills. I got pregnant and I didn't have the heart to abort. I was supposed to have a daughter...she died before birth. While I was sitting in hospital having a surgery and induced labor my asshole ex was out cheating. I held the remains of my dead baby girl in my arms. This killed me...I'll never be the same. I'm mentally fucked up for life with this imprint of a dead child in my head. Pregnancy ruined so much of my life. I'm terrified of it now.

And this is the confusing thing...I never wanted kids. I knew I would be a shit mom, didn't want to pass on bad genes and I never want to bring innocent lives into this world. Despite not wanting kids..I'm so conflicted because I'm devastated over the loss. People don't think and spew off bs saying "just have another one"....no...no. I would rather die than subject an innocent life into this world just because "I'm lonely and I need a purpose". My daughter's death killed me but as much as it pains me to say...it was for the best. Rest in peace my angel. .......I fucking hate life

 

[deadgirlahsatan]

Yes it's selfish as fuck. This world is a fucking nightmare. No one chooses to be born. It's hell.

 

[woxihuanni]

It is probably bad for the kid to exist, and I hate noise, but fuck yes I would if I could live. I would be a good mother. And the offsprinf would be robust if my husband wanted to breed rather than kill me, because we smell incredibly good to one another. Best smell match in either of our lives.

 

[Samsara]

This is still a question I ask myself. I probably would only if I knew my chronic depression wouldnt interfere, was emotionally stable enough to be a good parent, and knew I could provide a good life for my child. I've heard though that no one really knows if they would be a good parent, and there's always the risk of my child inheriting my depression

 

[opiatedreamz]

Personally, no. I have bad genetics and I would never willfully pass them on to a child of my bearing. We already have too many humans on this earth as it is, why do we need more? The Earth should be at peace, hopefully someday...

 

[Pho3nix]

I never wanted kids because I didn't want to pass on the shit genetics of my hellish family. Also, my evil bitch mother never nurtured me so I'd be unable to look after anything. I can't even keep a plant alive.

Most of all, I was never meant to be born into this fucked up world and I'd never impose it on anyone else. I wish I had been left in the void and not born to two narcissistic sociopaths.

 

[oktnn50md]

If I could ensure that they will be good looking, socially developed, capable of managing their emotions, intelligent in an academic sense and healthy I would. This kind of genetic technology probably won't be arriving for a long time though.

 

[Panna]

I'd love to have a child, even if I don't manage to find someone to have the child with, I could always adopt. Being able to help improve the best years of that childs life and prevent them from living in a orphanage with no adult to care for them, to nurture and share experiences with, that would just be wonderful.

 

[Gnip]

I have contemplated undergoing a no scalpel vasectomy for decades, and believe I will before ever becoming sexually active, so I can know for an absolute fact I can never be responsible for another tortured soul being conceived.

When I was nine years old, my life was already so hellish that I decided I would never have a girlfriend, never get married and never have children. I have female friends who, while they do love their children, have also spat out in angered frustration to me their regret that, "I never shoulda gotten married, never shoulda had kids!"

Although I have female friends I cuddle, hug and snuggle up with, kissing and other sexual behaviors like making out is not part of those deals.

Not having children also frees me to CTB. I won't be abandoning anybody who matters. (My mother's the only person in my life who does matter, and she's made me promise that I won't CTB within her lifetime. In exchange, I have vowed to her that I won't live long enough to see her interred. She is a devout Catholic who is convinced I will be excluded from Hell after committing suicide, exempted from afterlife condemnation on the basis of "diminished capacity," eligible to receive sacramental absolution. She and my Catholic best friend both expect my extremely abusive father will be the one to go to Hell for purposely fucking with my mind when I was a toddler, then controlling and terrorizing me with violently homicidal death threats which some asshole school psychologists then backed HIM up on against me.)

 

[raindrops]

Yes its selfish... but to have a little person who I would teach well and make living the best thing for them, to watch them grow into a great human being knowing I shown them a good path in life or at least did my very best to, to be their best friend, a parent but a friend most of all! I'd be that mum they could tell anything too without judgement and only guidance. I would love that little person with all of my heart, what a beautiful thing it would be, well to me anyway..

 

[stygal]

No, I can't physically have children.
If I could I wouldn't because a) they inherit my genes and mental capabilities and b) the world is already an overpopulated clusterfuck were everyone is just pressed into this capitalist hell and only measured by how "productive" they are.
Plus if anyone was really serious about teaching/loving a little human they would adopt but in this world having a biological child is only there to serve as another status symbol and insures ones damn genes live on.
And last but not least: If I could have chosen not to be born - I would - in a heartbeat - I can't expect from another human not to feel the same.

 

[Jean Améry]

No because I think it's profoundly wrong to do so. Anyone who knows what anti-natalism is will understand. In essence I think it's gambling with very high stakes and very little potential profit in a game where the house always wins in the end and another party (not even present at the start of the game) will pay the price without prior consent. I simply do not want to be responsible for another's suffering and death and it's simply impossible to adequately protect a child against serious harm and we're a long way from the elimination of death through scientific means.

Plus I find it hard to face the prospect my cat will some day die so why would I want to risk losing my own flesh and blood prematurely? I'd go mad with grief.

It's probably not a good idea for someone who at point was actively suicidal but what I would consider if I ever met a woman I could count on through thick and thin is adoption. People who adopt children and give them a great, loving home and unconditional support are true heroes in my eyes. That's completely pure and selfless love not tainted by manipulative genes.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Funny enough my thoughts have changed since I last posted here, now I'm pretty certain that even if I might want to have them, I probably shouldn't which saddens me but oh well. I sometimes wonder if my children are secretly time travelers and suicidal themselves meaning they're making me unable to find a partner in order to ensure their own death. As dumb as it sounds, if it turns out to be true then I'm proud of them for doing what I wouldn't have the strength to do...

 

[raindrops]

No, I can't physically have children.
If I could I wouldn't because a) they inherit my genes and mental capabilities and b) the world is already an overpopulated clusterfuck were everyone is just pressed into this capitalist hell and only measured by how "productive" they are.
Plus if anyone was really serious about teaching/loving a little human they would adopt but in this world having a biological child is only there to serve as another status symbol and insures ones damn genes live on.
And last but not least: If I could have chosen not to be born - I would - in a heartbeat - I can't expect from another human not to feel the same.

I understand people think this and I respect it but I don't think depression is inherited, my mother didn't suffer from depression at all or father, I believe depression is because of your own personal issues. My mother died, my father lives far away from me and is sort of useless so I know it's important to make a stable family for the sake of your child and their future.
All I have is my grandmother, who only suffered from depression when my mother died.

As for adoption...well I was arrested, criminal record but not a bad one, still embarrassing. I have no amazing income either so that surely would not suffice in the eyes of the social services. I hate it when people say "oh you should adopt" like its a crime to want a biological child, adoption is not always a choice for some or they simply do not want to even if they could, isn't life great that we are somewhat free to make our own choices...yet still judged even with good intentions.
I also don't think people see their child as a status symbol, well maybe some do, which is sad.
The thing is I have no family and to create one of my own is a dream to me. As for being measured for how productive you are, well you would only want your child to do well in life, motivating them to get a good career, what's wrong with that. I wish my mother had been more pushy and disciplined me more, maybe now I'd have more confidence/independence to get on in life alone. I was never disciplined or pushed in to anything but she was a fantastic mother, just too easy on me.

Some of my reasons for wanting to ctb are not having a family, loneliness, uncertainty of the future.. I hate the unknown. All I know is that I would inspire confidence and independence into my child and hope that would be enough for them to live life to the fullest, sounds morbid this but even if they wanted to ctb who would I be to judge them, as long as I gave them a happy childhood. Once adults we're in charge of our own life, making our own choices.
I don't crave to have children and I don't care if someone doesn't want them, I thought I didn't and I wouldn't regret not having them.
Sorry I thought I'd give my personal view on this, btw I'm not aiming this at you personally @stygal <3

 

[Breadbfra]

I've always wanted to have my own family. Obviously outside of my country, since same sex couple adoption isn't allowed. But I'm very scared of the effects of the mental illness genetics than run in my family, and I'd be devastTed to know my son can get depression much easier.
I don't want my children to bring flowers to my grave or see me while I can't wash my hair in bed.

 

[peacechoice]

Hell to the fuck no. Why would I bring more suffering into this miserable place. This life is terrible why would I make someone suffer unnecessarily? Also, I don't want my children to be mentally fucked up when I'm not even mentally right.

 

[Johan]

Sure it is selfish. But with age came a desire in my body that was a feeling as strong as wanting to die.
So now I have 2 daughters that I love and now I have to live for them. I want to kill myselfe but that door is closed for me.

Back to the selfish thing. It is, cause the world sucks. But I did understand that it suck because I'm such a fu**ing looser. Not everyone hate life, so I hoped that they would be one of thoose, them that likes living. And I honestly do think that they do like living. They are smart and beautyful (even though I am ugly as shit) so they have no problems making friend and boys "fall in love" with them.

It is a us and them situation. We that hate life and they that don't. Doesn't have to be misserable for everyone. So I aint ashamed that I desided to bring kids into this world.

 

[Frauw]

Nope, have never felt the need or desire for children, plus to me it's one of the most selfish things you can do since you are basically taking a dice roll on another human beings life. You can never assure that they won't be born with some horrible mental/physical disability no matter how mentally healthy you are or how "good" your genes are. It's just chance

 

[Marauder]

I would like to but it is not possible.
I know that one day I will ctb and in order to do that I want to have no obligations.

 

[imdone1]

Never.