Would CTB be selfish of me?

[RatLiker]

Hey people, a bit of backstory: 23 living in HU working a job I absolutely hate for 66 hours a week, attempted once previously and it was the worst experience of my life. Currently living with my mom and his abusive husband, I get verbally abused by him almost every day for my religion, sexuality and other things. After my previous attempt my mom has told me that if I try that again and succeed, she will follow. I also became an uncle 7 months ago.

I am not happy with the way things are, work is absolutely soul sucking and it leaves me barely enough time to even rest. I don't even have time to see my family or friends.
Would CTB be selfish for me to do? It would certainly lead to sadness for my friends and family, and if my mom were to keep her word, she would also do it. That would leave my sister and niece without the both of us, that would be their immediate family gone forever. I don't want my niece to grow up like that, not my sister to experience that, and I definitely don't want my mom to die.
But I just don't think I can physically go on much longer. My body, my mind and my soul are all so tired. If I quit it's only gonna lead to more abuse and possibly even homelessness. I do not what to do. Any advice or opinion is appreciated.
I love you all, stay safe. <3

 

[Mimi_]

It's not, you were brought here without your consent. You would just take back control of your life

 

[CantWait2D1E]

CTB is never selfish. Anyone's circumstances or "reasons why" they are considering the act are perfectly valid.

Your situation sounds difficult. I commend you for still holding down a job despite how you are thinking/feeling. I won't give you false promises and say everything will get better in time, but I do hope it does.

It is refreshing to see a mother's seemingly opened mindfulness on their child's desire to CTB. My pro-life parents keep interfering with my plans despite knowing I'm suffering and that I've already given up on myself.

 

[Sulyya]

It's not selfish. It's just a hard decision for many people depending on their life and family circumstances. I too don't want to abandon my baby niece.

 

[Ozi]

As others have said, CTB isn't selfish. It never was and never is. You were brought here without your consent, so you should be able to leave here, with your consent.

 

[darkangel44]

hii, text me if u want to, I also live in HU

 

[RatLiker]

hii, text me if u want to, I also live in HU

Not sure how to, still new to this site, feel free to message me if you can!

 

[darkangel44]

As far as I know you have to get 9 messages to be able to chat in privet, but i am also still kind of new

 

[RatLiker]

I see, I guess I should be more active then. I usually just lurk.

As far as I know you have to get 9 messages to be able to chat in privet, but i am also still kind of new

I think I figured it out, check your messages when you have the time!

 

[Touhou]

No, not at all. You were brought into this world without your consent, so with that being said, you should be able to leave it.

 

[FuneralCry]

There is nothing wrong with suicide and there never could be, it's a completely personal decision deciding when to leave this world and other people should have no say in it. Nobody should feel like they are forced to prolong their suffering, the reality is that grief and loss are just an inevitable consequence of life being brought into this world and eventually we all have to die and lose everything someday. All that suicide is, is just taking control over our inevitable fate and it's a decision in which people have every right to make. It's very much understandable wishing to finally be free from this hellish world and all the torment that it brings and if people don't wish to deal with loss then they shouldn't so selfishly choose to procreate in the first place.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

It's difficult for me to give my final stance on CTB-ing while having young children because then you actually own someone your time. You made the thing so you can't just deny your responsibility. You made a human being. And if you don't want to directly harm it, you should think it through, deeply. I don't have kids so I don't know what it's like but I imagine it's very tricky territory.
In every other case - No.

 

[ExistHarm]

It's difficult for me to give my final stance on CTB-ing while having young children because then you actually own someone your time. You made the thing so you can't just deny your responsibility. You made a human being. And if you don't want to directly harm it, you should think it through, deeply. I don't have kids so I don't know what it's like but I imagine it's very tricky territory.
In every other case - No.

although i wholeheartedly agree with you in theory, life is just so much more complex..what if a parent gets a terminal disease and is in terrible pain, it would be barbarism to force them to be killed by the disease.. if RTD laws ever reach a rational state in this world, there would be provisions against parents ctb, ideally at all but at least before they are 18. then again in a rational world there would be laws against procreating. i think of kurt cobain who had a toddler when he ctb, man im glad his pain was over but what a terrible parent..

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

although i wholeheartedly agree with you in theory, life is just so much more complex..what if a parent gets a terminal disease and is in terrible pain, it would be barbarism to force them to be killed by the disease.. if RTD laws ever reach a rational state in this world, there would be provisions against parents ctb, ideally at all but at least before they are 18. then again in a rational world there would be laws against procreating. i think of kurt cobain who had a toddler when he ctb, man im glad his pain was over but what a terrible parent..

I would never dare to imply that life is not complex. I actually think I implied the opposite. But yes, I was giving a theory, try to make sense on something I can't reconciliate. I was putting myself in those shoes in a sense and, although I do have a chronic illness, I am not terminally ill.
I actually know a girl, a new coworker of mine whose father committed suicide not long ago because he was terminally ill. I didn't judge him for a second. The girl is clearly traumatized, but still, this was his choice. And her best course of action would be to accept that pain is sometimes so overwhelming the most compassionate move is to stop it. But she's 19. She's so innocent, you know? Not implying every 19 year old is. But she is. And she looks defeated.
Anyway, yes, life is immensely complex :)

 

[ExistHarm]

I would never dare to imply that life is not complex. I actually think I implied the opposite. But yes, I was giving a theory, try to make sense on something I can't reconciliate. I was putting myself in those shoes in a sense and, although I do have a chronic illness, I am not terminally ill.
I actually know a girl, a new coworker of mine whose father committed suicide not long ago because he was terminally ill. I didn't judge him for a second. The girl is clearly traumatized, but still, this was his choice. And her best course of action would be to accept that pain is sometimes so overwhelming the most compassionate move is to stop it. But she's 19. She's so innocent, you know? Not implying every 19 year old is. But she is. And she looks defeated.
Anyway, yes, life is immensely complex :)

shit man what a sick world this is.
my grandma had a terminal pancreatic cancer. she lived almost a full year after diagnosis. she was full of life in mid-70s, and i watched as she just, deteriorated. i had to leave so i didnt see her in her final 2 months but when i left she was a shell of who she was.. fuck man

 

[RatLiker]

It's difficult for me to give my final stance on CTB-ing while having young children because then you actually own someone your time. You made the thing so you can't just deny your responsibility. You made a human being. And if you don't want to directly harm it, you should think it through, deeply. I don't have kids so I don't know what it's like but I imagine it's very tricky territory.
In every other case - No.

I'm an uncle, not a parent, my sister made the baby not me.

 

[UseItOrLoseIt]

I'm an uncle, not a parent, my sister made the baby not me.

No no, the parent part is only me writing generally. To be fair to you, you didn't ask a general question but a question about you specifically so it's my fault I wasn't clear.

It's difficult for me to give my final stance on CTB-ing while having young children because then you actually own someone your time. You made the thing so you can't just deny your responsibility. You made a human being. And if you don't want to directly harm it, you should think it through, deeply. I don't have kids so I don't know what it's like but I imagine it's very tricky territory.
In every other case - No.

But see how I added the last line. That was my answer to you. I have nephews too, now in their pre-teens and I completely understand where you're coming from. I thought many times about how would it impact them. And my parents. I certainly don't want to spread misery. Unfortunately, the harsh truth of suicide is that you do sometimes transfer the suffering onto others that you leave behind, to a degree at least. But deciding to end it doesn't make you selfish. You are in no way obligated to live and suffer for anybody. It's more selfish from everyone else if they expect you to do that.

 

[Scacie]

Maybe. I know its probably incredibly selfish and dickish for me to say this but I dont think I have the capacity to care about other's feelings anymore. What's best for myself is to CTB and well, what happens next here literally isnt my problem anymore

 

[Brokensoulwalking]

No it is not selfish. But suicide is stigmatised so it would effect the people around you.

I perfectly understand your reasons, and I always find myself saying I love these people but I hate myself more.

I will say just some food for thought and consideration, I lost my uncle when I was 18, and I was never the same since. Deeply effected me but it's not what has pushed me to suicide. However others I have known who lost a close family member like that, did take their own lives as a result.

Its not fair that in a way your mother is putting her life on your choice to end yours. But maybe it's her way of trying to keep you here, I am impartial just looking at it from all sides.

I don't know where you are from or what the working conditions are, but it sounds more like you are drained. Tiredness I've found inhibits my ability to fight and try and stay strong.

I hope you can change your situation and if you still feel the same way then maybe you can CTB, but do it with a clear mind not a tired one.