Wow I can't believe I'm finally posting on here! I've been a bit a lurker for a few months from when I discovered SS. But the compassion, kindness and understanding I've seen in that time has meant everything 
It's actually what's given me the courage to finally post on 
Ok I'll stop rambling now and get to the point. So like most on here I'm in unbearable pain and have suffered from depression for a very long time. I've been constantly suicidal for the past 4 years and sadly my previous attempts have failed. This time I think I have a better method of taking a load of Xanax and antihistamines which will knock me out and I can peacefully drown in the bath. Infact I've been meaning to do this for awhile but things keep getting in the way! And the SI has been getting in the way. There is no doubt that I absolutely want to go the pain is unbareable on so many levels and there is no end. Maybe if I was born into a different life with a different brain. So I was actually meant to do it today but my housemate has been in all day and is only going out for a few hours this evening so that doesn't give me enough time. I'm just waiting for a day when she's out for 5 hours at least and hopefully that will be enough time
I was meant to attempt yesterday but the depression has been so bad I've not even been able to get out of bed and it took me everything to schedule goodbye messages.
Anyway I was wondering if anyone would be there for me while I attempt? Like just be present for me virtually, maybe say some kind words and help me feel less alone in my last hours? I saw some people did it for another guy on here and wondered if anyone would even consider doing it for me? It would mean so much especially with how worthless and self hating depression makes you feel.
It's actually what's given me the courage to finally post on Ok I'll stop rambling now and get to the point. So like most on here I'm in unbearable pain and have suffered from depression for a very long time. I've been constantly suicidal for the past 4 years and sadly my previous attempts have failed. This time I think I have a better method of taking a load of Xanax and antihistamines which will knock me out and I can peacefully drown in the bath. Infact I've been meaning to do this for awhile but things keep getting in the way! And the SI has been getting in the way. There is no doubt that I absolutely want to go the pain is unbareable on so many levels and there is no end. Maybe if I was born into a different life with a different brain. So I was actually meant to do it today but my housemate has been in all day and is only going out for a few hours this evening so that doesn't give me enough time. I'm just waiting for a day when she's out for 5 hours at least and hopefully that will be enough time
I was meant to attempt yesterday but the depression has been so bad I've not even been able to get out of bed and it took me everything to schedule goodbye messages. Anyway I was wondering if anyone would be there for me while I attempt? Like just be present for me virtually, maybe say some kind words and help me feel less alone in my last hours? I saw some people did it for another guy on here and wondered if anyone would even consider doing it for me? It would mean so much especially with how worthless and self hating depression makes you feel.
and good luck getting SN in the uk!
you get no help for the suffering but they won't let you end the pain either 
thank you I really hope it works and that someone can be there for me 
