Usako0504
Member
- Mar 1, 2020
- 43
I started a new job after nearly half a year being out of work. I had another job last week but the call center environment made me have a mental breakdown.
The fucked up thing is I started a new job today, in the same... exact building as my old job, which I loved and was pushed out of due to my racist ex-boss. It was extremely humiliating, there is no way to avoid my old coworkers and I'm currently in a much lower position because I kept getting ghosted by recruiters. I worked nearly a decade to break into tech without a bachelors degree so the humiliation is 100x, because I was good at my job and even had other coworkers admit it was racism and bullying on the part of my superiors.
I have to go into the same offices, use the same escalators, I spent 20 minutes of my lunch break crying in our shared bathroom. In the past few month I put out over 250+ applications, went on 20 different interviews, got to second and third stage rounds of interviews, and suddenly when I showed my face I wasn't "qualified" for most fucking receptionist positions despite working on a key platform as a corporate designer and researcher. I fucking hate this world.
My job was the only thing that was stopping me from ctb, I worked so, so, incredibly hard, and I feel like a complete failure.
I feel utterly humiliated having to go into the same building, through the same hallway, to the same fucking front desk, as everyone. It's genuinely like living a nightmare. I relocated to this city at my own expense to do my last job too. I am stuck here, I lost my last relationship and my ex got another girl pregnant. I hope someone shoots me in the head. I'm starting to lean heavily towards just getting N but I don't know what to do with my cat, but I feel like I'm failing him too. I fucked my entire life up. I want to die.
The fucked up thing is I started a new job today, in the same... exact building as my old job, which I loved and was pushed out of due to my racist ex-boss. It was extremely humiliating, there is no way to avoid my old coworkers and I'm currently in a much lower position because I kept getting ghosted by recruiters. I worked nearly a decade to break into tech without a bachelors degree so the humiliation is 100x, because I was good at my job and even had other coworkers admit it was racism and bullying on the part of my superiors.
I have to go into the same offices, use the same escalators, I spent 20 minutes of my lunch break crying in our shared bathroom. In the past few month I put out over 250+ applications, went on 20 different interviews, got to second and third stage rounds of interviews, and suddenly when I showed my face I wasn't "qualified" for most fucking receptionist positions despite working on a key platform as a corporate designer and researcher. I fucking hate this world.
My job was the only thing that was stopping me from ctb, I worked so, so, incredibly hard, and I feel like a complete failure.
I feel utterly humiliated having to go into the same building, through the same hallway, to the same fucking front desk, as everyone. It's genuinely like living a nightmare. I relocated to this city at my own expense to do my last job too. I am stuck here, I lost my last relationship and my ex got another girl pregnant. I hope someone shoots me in the head. I'm starting to lean heavily towards just getting N but I don't know what to do with my cat, but I feel like I'm failing him too. I fucked my entire life up. I want to die.
