WOORKK KILL YSELLLFF WAASDhhhh BUREH mmm

[shrusho]

i jsuth called out of work today because im depressed and feel horrible and im on my period and wqant to die so i called in and my mom thinks im a massive failure and she doesn't hide it at all and the lady on the phone was upset bc io was the second person to call out which sucks so bad for her i bet its probably infact the worst thing that could have ever happened to her i reckon i really believe she'd prefer i kill myself or a family of 6 died in a car crash in her parking lot than me calling in sick from work like im so sorry i did that to her i will never fuckinmg undertand the grief and horror i caused her and i should really feel just completely horrible about it i should apologise to my mom for being such a failure and i should compeltley abandom all sense of self i had previous and become a comepltely different person who acts as though i didnt in fact go through the things i did growing up and i should just ignore evberything bad thats ever happened to me and live completely for others and i should stop complaining and crying because it makes other people upset and ruins their day and i should give without recieving or feeling bad about the things people say or don't say to me and i shuld really just jump off a bridge so these people who don't care about me don't have to deal with me anymroe and i can just be forgotten bc they've made it so fduckuibg obvious that i dont matter to them at all they could show at least a sliver of love or affection to me but they don't because i give them nothing i rea;;y wiosh i just had a different family and was a compeltely different person i wish i didn't act or think the way i do i wish i didint feel this way but its just the life i was always bound to have and i can choose to be happy at the slight dissapointment and annoyance of others or i can just kill myuself so im really trying to convince myself what i did was right but i will never ever feel like what i did was right because no one in my life will ever understand what im going through as they r just as selfish and concided as i am i wish i just had a mom that loved me and tried to understand me but both my parents are children and this is just how things are i wish i could enjoy things i wish i culd be happy i just want to live life being happy i know its possiboe because i see other people doing it all the time but it really does feel compe,tely unachieveable fofr me i wish i jhad jsut killed myself when i was 12 it coiould have been so easy but ive gone and made somethign of my life and its genuinely the worst thing i could have ever doen sbdgkjs g,.jsngljkwesf;lksdmfksmeg;kflmf;gkmdfklgmkflmgklfmgkfmgklfmglkfmklfgmlkgfdmlkgmdf;lkgmzslkfgmfslkgvm'f;dl,v; bruh

 

[etherealgoddess]

i jsuth called out of work today because im depressed and feel horrible and im on my period and wqant to die so i called in and my mom thinks im a massive failure and she doesn't hide it at all and the lady on the phone was upset bc io was the second person to call out which sucks so bad for her i bet its probably infact the worst thing that could have ever happened to her i reckon i really believe she'd prefer i kill myself or a family of 6 died in a car crash in her parking lot than me calling in sick from work like im so sorry i did that to her i will never fuckinmg undertand the grief and horror i caused her and i should really feel just completely horrible about it i should apologise to my mom for being such a failure and i should compeltley abandom all sense of self i had previous and become a comepltely different person who acts as though i didnt in fact go through the things i did growing up and i should just ignore evberything bad thats ever happened to me and live completely for others and i should stop complaining and crying because it makes other people upset and ruins their day and i should give without recieving or feeling bad about the things people say or don't say to me and i shuld really just jump off a bridge so these people who don't care about me don't have to deal with me anymroe and i can just be forgotten bc they've made it so fduckuibg obvious that i dont matter to them at all they could show at least a sliver of love or affection to me but they don't because i give them nothing i rea;;y wiosh i just had a different family and was a compeltely different person i wish i didn't act or think the way i do i wish i didint feel this way but its just the life i was always bound to have and i can choose to be happy at the slight dissapointment and annoyance of others or i can just kill myuself so im really trying to convince myself what i did was right but i will never ever feel like what i did was right because no one in my life will ever understand what im going through as they r just as selfish and concided as i am i wish i just had a mom that loved me and tried to understand me but both my parents are children and this is just how things are i wish i could enjoy things i wish i culd be happy i just want to live life being happy i know its possiboe because i see other people doing it all the time but it really does feel compe,tely unachieveable fofr me i wish i jhad jsut killed myself when i was 12 it coiould have been so easy but ive gone and made somethign of my life and its genuinely the worst thing i could have ever doen sbdgkjs g,.jsngljkwesf;lksdmfksmeg;kflmf;gkmdfklgmkflmgklfmgkfmgklfmglkfmklfgmlkgfdmlkgmdf;lkgmzslkfgmfslkgvm'f;dl,v; bruh

I'm really sorry about that. You don't deserve that. My period is starting too, and I feel a lot more emotionally reactive too. Can you do some deep breaths? Do 4 beats in, 4 beats hold, 4 beats out, 4 beats hold, then repeat. Make sure the breathing feels very gentle or else if you breathe harshly, your body will become more stressed out. Do it for a few minutes. I'm not saying this is going to erase all your issues, but I know you're struggling at a 10/10 when we can make your emotions down to at least a 7. You don't deserve it. And you're not a disappointment. It's a reflection of what your mother thinks about herself.

 

[shrusho]

I'm really sorry about that. You don't deserve that. My period is starting too, and I feel a lot more emotionally reactive too. Can you do some deep breaths? Do 4 beats in, 4 beats hold, 4 beats out, 4 beats hold, then repeat. Make sure the breathing feels very gentle or else if you breathe harshly, your body will become more stressed out. Do it for a few minutes. I'm not saying this is going to erase all your issues, but I know you're struggling at a 10/10 when we can make your emotions down to at least a 7. You don't deserve it. And you're not a disappointment. It's a reflection of what your mother thinks about herself.

thank you :) ur right i always forget about deep breathing lol. i ought to get a tattoo or something of it bc it does help me a lot
u are a very kind soul i definietly feel more of a 7 now. ur right baout my moms actions just being a reflection but it doesnt really help the feeling of unworthyness it gives me to just think tht she only sees me as an extention of her yk? i would almost prefer she just genuinely hate me lol than just taking out her self hatred on me. its just like no matter wht i do i wont reaally be good enough (not that im any where near the bar of whats good enough anyway) its just sad bc ive needed her help in the past but its like shes taking out this anger at the world on me by not really helping me or caring but i guess i feel too bad about how ive acted to have any self pity coz i dont think anyone deserves pity : wamp
thank u again brruuuuh nnnnn rrr :3c

 

[SexyIncél]

and the lady on the phone was upset bc io was the second person to call out which sucks so bad for her i bet its probably infact the worst thing that could have ever happened to her i reckon i really believe she'd prefer i kill myself or a family of 6 died in a car crash in her parking lot than me calling in sick from work

Most people are just barely holding on... Those who don't, you don't see them anymore. They've disappeared from sight. You're not alone

People make you feel so guilty, but it's a brutal world. They don't really see you, they project what they want