scared

[k_7777]

hi everyone, this is my first post on this forum. i dont expect anyone to read or care abt this but i had to get it out

im 18f and i already fucked my life up. my mom died jan 2025 and ever since then i have not really wanted to live but not want to die. for the past 3 weeks or so i want to die every day i am constantly stressed and i cant distract myself amd have panic attacks & little appetite.
i feel like im screaming for help and my family is just walking past me. im in constant emotional pain. im so disappointed with how my life has went and in myself and i just want all of it to be done. i want to die, but killing myself freaks me out as i am scared of pain and disabling myself or smth. i wish i could just go under anesthesia and never wake up again

 

[Set Real Goul]

I understand how you feel. A couple of years ago, I spent more than a year taking care of my grandmother. She had serious problems with her legs-she could still walk, but only short distances and not for very long. We spent a lot of time together. We'd cook together and just keep each other company.
Then one day I had to leave for an appointment. I left her at around 2:00 p.m., and it was such a shock to find out that she passed away around 3:30. I was the last person to see her alive.
It's just... an unbelievable shock.
It was hard for me... My father, though, would make absolutely awful comments. Around forty days after my grandmother died, he said something like, "Why are you still grieving? It's been long enough. How much longer are you going to keep this up?" It was just so fucking insensitive. And it wasn't the only time he said things like that.
So I really do understand how you feel. I hope things get better for you