I have a small group of 4 people who I can always reach out to surrounding me. It's support and being supported because they have metal issues as well, so we don't need to explain.
There is something incredibly special about having people in your life that create this kind of atmosphere.
I have a handful of friends….but none of them can i open up and feel like cares for except for two. still, ive never talked about being suicidal to both of them, so are we really that close? idk, but ill talk about my sleeping issues and stresses.
Do you find that you've limited what you share with those around you by choice because of how well you know them, or do you perhaps feel somewhat afraid of how others might see you after divulging some of your real feelings?
Yeah I spoke about that before but it makes him very sad. If you really like someone you don't want to hurt them with talks about suicide.
It's internally crushing to want to reach out to those around you when you have the ability to do so, yet you don't because you don't want to hurt them with how you're feeling. Guilt and shame can be monsterous entities to battle with, even if they have no foundation to battle with you on.
Thank you! I don't yearn for a "designer" friend that wants to talk all about feelings, likes all my hobbies, and thinks all the ways that I do. While it would be cool, having a ton of friends for a bunch of separate aspects of life is wonderful too.
I gave you that definition because I rarely love people. I associate "real" with "love." I don't love my mother, I don't love my sister, I don't love my friend that almost died, or most of the ones that are still alive.
I don't think being nice to someone, but not loving them is superficial. I like my friends. They are nice people that are deserving of good things. So I treat them with kindness and try to do good things for them, and be supportive during the rare moments when I have the patience to be. I'm not a patient person, but I believe patience is a virtue to strive for. I want to be kind to them just for the sake of making them happier.
That being said, I don't love them. There's no desire to discuss my emotions or even express them because other people are incapable of understanding. (It's really rare for someone to have an experience with suicide pacts, let alone how it feels to not fulfill one and get left behind. I deal with it all alone. Oftentimes it creates a one-sided emotional connection where others share their emotions, I offer comfort or advice, and they end up loving me, but I don't end up loving them.) There's been rare exceptions.
People are easy to like, hard to love. It's really difficult for me to be a close friend.
Having someone who is too agreeable in life can be just as uncomfortable to work with as someone who can't agree with you on anything; there's a balance that can be found out there if things align in such a way.
There seems to be a very tight threshold for you to get close with another in a way in which you yourself would feel is comfortable to you, something I'm very fascinated with.
The things you do for those you care about, regardless of the level on which they sit, demonstates so much about the complexity of your character; depth is so rare now, so reading your replies is very much a breath of fresh air. There's a certain eloquence to how you respond, and I very much appreciate it.
Rare exceptions are of no surprise, just as you assuming the role of the "therapist friend" isn't surprising due to the aforementioned depth I believe there is to who
you are.
Interacting with human being is a challenge in itself. Once you add feelings into the mix, it's a huge gamble on what you're actually going to get out of it in the end.
I have no real friends since I'm at least 10. By that I mean: people I invite to my home or visit their home and with whom I share my honest feelings with. People who are there for me if things go wrong.
I have no such people anymore and I do not want anyone to be friends with anyone anymore because the only friends I've ever had later turned out to be manipulative and just bad people.
Did I ever have real friends? At least I tried.
Did you experiences come from people online, or from people in your real life?
One cannot be at fault for trying.
I have 0 people I consider friends and trust enough to share my problems with. I used to think I had more...i was naiive. The second i let a little bit of the real me slip through my "friends" ridiculed me and said i was faking it. They dont talk to me unless i contact them first. They hang out without me and call me wierd.
I used to think my mother was among those people as after she found out i was suicidal she tried talking to me. My father never did. However my mother stopped after a week. She not only stopped but had a mental break down and told me she has problems to and shes sick of me throwing all my problems at her and i should be grateful for what i have and was a spoiled brat. The whole thing lasted about 20 minutes and it was one sided as i stayed quiet. I was never the one who went to her however and she was always the one who started to conversations about my mental health...i think it was too much for her.
I used to think my sister was but...Well to put it lightly i can sometimes act a little crazy. Sometimes with knives. I happened to do this infront of her and she was wierded out. Then I randomly asked her to choke me till i passed out with this string thing i had...yeah to be honest the reason i have no one is mostly because of me. Usually when people do try helping me i push them away and change the topic as i dont like talking about feelings with others.
Im also really wierd and i feel like i sometimes wierd people out. I dont hate anyone for abandoning me i just think im not meant to be around people. All the girls around me talk about their crushes and what not while my aromantic ass just thinks "Oh wow that tree would be a great place to hang myself if it wasnt in such an open area"
Im outta joint from everyone else and never really understood how to understand people and fit in with society.
It sounds as if your past "friendships" were very one-sided.
Parents assume the role of a carer when they make the decision to bring another person into this world without their consent; you don't get to pick and choose when you want to be a parent, nor do you get points for providing emotional support in someone's time of need. Your children remain a priority until such times you are unable to provide for them. For you as a person to have remained calm during the endeavour is an acomplishment in itself.
Behaving in ways that don't appeal to others doesn't then mean that you're not longer eligible for support. If someone suffers with a mental health condition that causes them to experience fits of paranoia, or hallucinations, you don't throw that person under the bus because they're behaving in a way that is different to what we consider "normal" in society. If people want to help others from a place of sincere care or concern, the effort will be made without conditions, and will be done entirely of their own volition.
Anyone that is classified as weird is just someone who stands out from the crowd; problems and benefits can stem for being classified as such depending on how you view it.
Wanting to fit in when one doesn't need to fit in can be the root of the problem sometimes.
It's difficult to say really. I mean- I haven't seen these people in 5, 10, 20 years. Some I haven't spoken to in years. Do you call a few texts a year a friendship? One friend texts me weekly. I think- in terms of what you're refering to as a support network though- no, they aren't there. So, while I may think of them as people I have been friends with, practicality wise, I'm going to go with none.
I think I know where you're going with this here though and it will be interesting to see. I think there is this theory that the male loneliness epidemic is in part caused by men not having the friendship support networks that women (supposedly) do.
I'd say, it depends on the men and the women and their ages. Most of my friends now have their own families and their time is taken up with them. When they do socialise, it seems more likely they will do it with other couples who also have children. Plus, most of us all moved away from one another. I grew to not really trust friendship and I have a lot of social anxiety so, I don't exactly look to make new friendships.
A friendship is subjective; right or wrong cannot be applied to how one defines a friendship because of how differently we all see the world.
My end goal is not what I suspect that you suspect my end goal is, though I'm fascinated by the fact that you have so far been the only one to comment on the elephant in the room. How very observant of you.
Do you find comfort or solace in online friendships over real life ones?
I have a ncie close group of friends and sometimes I reach out to some of them. However, there's one person I'm very close to, we're like two peas in a pod, everytime I feel ass I'm able to talk to him about it and vise versa.
Developing a connection like that is like fidning hay in a needle stack.
I've never been interested in having friends personally, I've preferred to be alone. Such a thing sounds tiring, I don't relate to other people and anyway other people can very easily just create way more suffering, they cannot be relied on.
I can appreciate why you'd prefer solitude over the frivolity of friendships when you have the desire to simply cease existing.
thank you for asking actually, yes he knows about my account, he knows I often vent here, he doesn't ignore it but doesn't bug me about it either
I don't know, with time I guess, her life started being shittier while I was going through tough thing, i decided she didn't have to listen to my rambling anymore and even though I check up on her she just seems so distant..
Oh, you really don't need to thank me. Do you find the choice to come here for venting purposes to be liberating at all, or was coming here more of an act of desperation?
When was the last time you two properly connected with one another?
One irl friend I've known since kindergarten and one online friend who is the only one I can share my real feelings (including all my suicidal ones) with. They're the only people I stay alive for.
How long have you known both individuals for?
my closest friends are people i have met online. i have a close friend group consisting of 6 people (including myself) and i am closer with 2 people in this group. in real life i don't have any close friends, just people i talk to because they're there (like my coworkers). i wouldnt consider my family in my support circle because i don't have any good relationships at all.
i am very lucky to have found suck great friends online. we share similar interests, and similar struggles regarding mental health so its very helpful and validating to be around such likeminded people
Online connections with people at times prove to be more fruitful than the connections we make with people in real life; comfort takes the main stage as a primary benefit for online friendships, especially when you know that you can disconnect from them if things get too intense without all of the awkward hassle than can, and usually does, follow socialising with people face to face, you know?
