woke up today, changed my sheets after 3 months.

[notevenhere]

had this conversation with a friend, and i feel more clear-minded and actually been okay. i feel social enough to reply to friends. i'm scared it's because my suicide kit backpack is finally complete. i also have the instructions for the SN method written in my notebook from 2022, im going to make usre everything is in there and a couple hundred dollars usd in it. i think i have the courage to turn my life around, move to HK and do new things bc if it fails, there's that plan B. you know?

but i do feel clear-headed rn, i have this pseudo-productivity for changing my sheets and drinking water and im about to shower.


anyways, im sorry, please dont judge me for anyone whos reading this. i feel really vulnerable rn. i guess i just wanna be praised for this, but i also don't know. i don't know. im confused. and i still wish for human connection. maybe when i finally escape this hell hole of a household, ill find the will to live again. i'm just banking on the fact i am in a good mood after cutting contact with the guy who kept treating me like shit and my life isnt centered around a man.

i still don't have a job but maybe if i live in a hotel for a month or two, find a job at a convenience store or fast food. id be free. my biggest dream is just to walk around at 2 am and smoke a cigarette at a random park sitting on a swing, its been my dream since 16 and thats all i always wanted to do in this lifetime. i dont have big dreams. i just want peace. thank you for reading,

i'll double check my backpack, and make sure everything is in there.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's absolutely a win. Definitely feel good that you did this. I hope the more motivated mood continues.

 

[primadonna_]

View attachment 195725
had this conversation with a friend, and i feel more clear-minded and actually been okay. i feel social enough to reply to friends. i'm scared it's because my suicide kit backpack is finally complete. i also have the instructions for the SN method written in my notebook from 2022, im going to make usre everything is in there and a couple hundred dollars usd in it. i think i have the courage to turn my life around, move to HK and do new things bc if it fails, there's that plan B. you know?

but i do feel clear-headed rn, i have this pseudo-productivity for changing my sheets and drinking water and im about to shower.
View attachment 195724

anyways, im sorry, please dont judge me for anyone whos reading this. i feel really vulnerable rn. i guess i just wanna be praised for this, but i also don't know. i don't know. im confused. and i still wish for human connection. maybe when i finally escape this hell hole of a household, ill find the will to live again. i'm just banking on the fact i am in a good mood after cutting contact with the guy who kept treating me like shit and my life isnt centered around a man.

i still don't have a job but maybe if i live in a hotel for a month or two, find a job at a convenience store or fast food. id be free. my biggest dream is just to walk around at 2 am and smoke a cigarette at a random park sitting on a swing, its been my dream since 16 and thats all i always wanted to do in this lifetime. i dont have big dreams. i just want peace. thank you for reading,

i'll double check my backpack, and make sure everything is in there.

Proud of you. I had a mdd episode I literally bled through my pants and onto my sheets and didn't change it for weeks, crazy what it can do to you. Glad ur getting better <3

also hi fellow nso fan