Help Please someone read 🙏🏻🙏🏻

[Cepheuss]

Ive never spoken about this before i dont know why and i could post this in off topic but its kinda dead and i really need a response

Since i was a kid i have always spent my life acting like someone i know is there with me in the room not in a schizophrenic way its hard to explain. For example i had a dream a few months ago where i successfully killed myself and my punishment was i had to walk through all my memories with this one guy i know and i just spend every day of my life acting like im in a memory im gonna look back on and be judged i dont mnow how much sense im making but jts this constant paranoia and embarrassment

I dont know why i refuse to talk about it but it controls my life so much its so fuckijg bad i just need some advice i dont know whats wrong with me i never feel like im alone maybe its cause i spent years getting stalked but its so fucking hard

If anyone has any advice i would really appreciate it

 

[TheEndof]

Sounds like a form of OCD?

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I wish I had some good advice to help but I don't honestly know what to say. Being stalked for so long probably has a lot to do with it unfortunately. How did you manage to get your stalker to leave you alone?

 

[Cepheuss]

I wish I had some good advice to help but I don't honestly know what to say. Being stalked for so long probably has a lot to do with it unfortunately. How did you manage to get your stalker to leave you alone?

The police finally got involved cause he tried to attack my friend, they put in a 6 month prosecution period where he wasnt allowed near me or my friends in real life or online, it ended in march and i havent heard from him since so i think he just got scared
Im more scared knowing he could come back any time though

 

[FF777]

i believe my spirit guides can see me and maybe dead relatives can too if they want, but i just simply don't care.. and i'm extremely weird.. i talk to my self all the time and am completely retarded and silly all the time and it just doesn't bother me.. if any spirits or entities want to waste their time watching a complete weirdo like me then that's their problem not mine.. that's how i see it any way..

when i was going to CTB recently (i decided to continue living) my online friend i talk to all the time was worried if i was going to sit there in spirit world spying on them all the time.. i told them yeah i might, but i said the last thing i want to see is some one that is scared and self-conscious about every thing they are doing.. so i told them don't do that; i said i want to see a person that is confident and not ashamed and also said that that is the last thing they need to be worrying about because there are so many things they need to be doing in life to try to succeed like making money and investing in stocks etc.. i want to see my friend actually accomplish things in life; i don't give a care what they are doing in their own house in their own free time..

 

[-Link-]

Something like this could originate through negative childhood experiences -- criticism, abuse, neglect, etc. (not even necessarily in great volume) could create this "feeling of being watched".

And then multiple years being stalked would almost certainly amplify any problem like this that was already there. Social anxiety would be another potential aggravator -- self-consciousness about being observed, which could become persistent even when alone.

Based on what you've mentioned here, first guess would be something under the trauma umbrella.

I dont know why i refuse to talk about it but it controls my life so much its so fuckijg bad

If your refusal to talk about it has anything to do with guilt or shame or embarrassment or anything like that, I'd try to take a step back and look at this from as an objective point of view as possible: You were stalked for multiple years. You're now living with this constant feeling as if someone's in the room with you. It would make sense that your brain could have developed some kind of hyperawareness in response to the stalking. I wouldn't frame this as "something wrong with you" so much as I would label it a protective mechanism -- it could have been your brain's way of protecting you, only now it's being overprotective. So, assuming this is founded in trauma (and that's all it is, an assumption), this would involve helping your brain learn that it's OK to 'relax its guard'.

This sounds like a lot to just endure on your own. Hopefully you have access to a psychiatrist or a therapist who could help unravel this, if you're able to engage. If you can't verbalize this problem, maybe look at writing a letter instead. I'd also look around for online communities for people recovering from having been stalked -- sometimes the best support you'll find is from people who have lived it.

Posting this thread was a good start. You're talking about it and confronting it head-on. Any time you notice yourself feeling this, you could try asking yourself questions about it. Not necessarily challenging its reality, but just questions to try to get an understanding of what it is and what factors might be playing into it. So, like, was something in particular going on in that moment that might have triggered the feeling in that moment. Or if you feel a presence with you, does it remind you of anybody in particular. Or if you can associate a particular person or personality with the feeling, then is it consistent, or does the person/personality change. Questions like that.

Once you have more of an understanding about it, this can help with sort of challenging it in the moment -- eg. asking yourself if the feeling is based on what's happening in the moment, or if the moment is reminding you of something from your past.

One other thing that comes to mind here is that whatever you're experiencing now, is the result of multiple (many?) years of development, build-up, triggers, progression, etc. to reach the point where it's at today. So whatever this is, it's going to take time to really get a handle on it, so remember to be patient with yourself and with the process, and give yourself credit for even the smallest steps you make in this. Any setbacks, remember they're part of the process too. Two steps forward, one step backward... It's the overall forward motion that counts.