Wish for me

[woxihuanni]

Are you in a position where there's a chance of you being physically hurt by AF?

If you mean them punching me in the face, no. I am not allowed to go anywhere near them, or even utter their name. Sounds familar? Like not taking God's name in vain. I am punished if I do. The only thing is they are forcing my partner to force me to kill myself, which is ridiculous and humiliating but gets only me killed.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Is there any way for you to remove yourself from the situation like walk away? I don't want you to be treated that way. You don't deserve that

 

[woxihuanni]

Is there any way for you to remove yourself from the situation like walk away? I don't want you to be treated that way. You don't deserve that

I have nowhere to go. Today they said to me: I am psychologically torturing you. Unlike other cases of such torture, I am not locking you in but want you to go. I said: Can't you see that since the form of abuse IS to trash me, leaving cannot feel like freedom for me? I have no way out but death.

They said no, they don't see. Nobody sees. But if there is anything out there, anything at all to believe in, I will curse both my partner and AF with my last breath. I am helpless, I am murdered, I never wanted to be or consented to be in this position. They lied to me to bring me over. For what reason, I still don't know. It's been nothing but systematically pushing me to suicide for two years.

PS: Don't get me wrong, leaving somebody is not itself abuse obviously. It is the entire way this thing has played out, as if I was not human.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

It's domestic abuse. Have you tried going the down road of contacting domestic abuse helplines? Don't know if there's much they can do or if they are able to refer you to a women's shelter etc to help you leave the situation you're in.

 

[Harleyyy]

Dear SS family, please, please wish for me that I am not thrown away like trash and driven to die. Please, each of you in your own ways. I am so scared and forlorn. Those who were here might remember last November my partner was about to throw me out, and caught me about to drink poison. They seem to be planning the same thing, in a worse way. They are not acting on their own will but AF's. It is a person they cannot break co-dependency and master-slave relation with. Please wish for me that that plan does not come to fruition. I don't want to die. I want to live so much. I want to bake, I haven't seen the southern star yet, I want to swim again. I don't want to die.

All my best wishes to you. I hope you get out of this situation as soon as possible. Best of luck.

 

[woxihuanni]

It's domestic abuse. Have you tried going the down road of contacting domestic abuse helplines? Don't know if there's much they can do or if they are able to refer you to a women's shelter etc to help you leave the situation you're in.

Being driven out of my home to somewhere else IS the abuse. I am completely alone in the entire world in the kind of abuse I experience, nobody would do anything to help me. There is no help. There is a fuckload of people irl who know precisely what's going on, and it is a forced suicide. Nobody stands up to him and says: You will lose your job, you forced your spouse/student to kill themselves. You will go to prison for knowingly pushing them to suicide by self-admitted psychological torture. You will be ostracised by society and disowned by family once you get out of prison.

No, I am expected to slink away with the ruins of my life, and 'get over it'. All of my being is a scream for justice that won't ever happen in this world.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

That's insane that people in your life are aware of the situation but won't do anything to help?

 

[woxihuanni]

That's insane that people in your life are aware of the situation but won't do anything to help?

It's insane, thank you for saying it! No, they think they are perfectly OK to do this They think I am doing a shameful thing by refusing to take it without a fight. They all go 'yeah they have issues'. Say that for a pedo, won't you, then?

PS: There is just one friend I talked to only since yesterday about this who wants me to sue them. I have to give credit where it is due, this is acknowledging the crime and supporting me.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Are you considering suing or taking any legal action? I'm glad you have one friend who is supporting you

 

[woxihuanni]

Are you considering suing or taking any legal action? I'm glad you have one friend who is supporting you

If there is any legal leverage to find, and it stops them doing this right now, that'd be good. I don't place high hopes on this. Other than this, sueing/getting some money does not solve my problem. But it is nice that somebody acknowledges this is a crime.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I sincerely hope things work out for you!

 

[Squiddy]

I hope everything turns out okay

 

[woxihuanni]

If anybody has experience with dissociation and how a person can be pulled out of that state, it could help. I cannot think of anything else, and have no idea how to do that.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

If anybody has experience with dissociation and how a person can be pulled out of that state, it could help. I cannot think of anything else, and have no idea how to do that.

I've heard doing a "5 senses check" can help ground you in reality. That's where you take a moment to ask yourself what you hear, see, smell, feel, and taste. It's a start atleast I suppose.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

No, I am expected to slink away with the ruins of my life, and 'get over it'. All of my being is a scream for justice that won't ever happen in this world.

What I have a difficult time reconciling because I don't know you, but because of what I observe, is that you seem to be an emotionally strong person. You don't take shit, you don't suffer fools gladly, you call shit out, and you don't want to die. But you don't want to be alone, and consider leaving your partner as worse than what you're experiencing and don't want. From all you describe, it sounds to me like you're in a human trafficking situation, an intentional deep mind fuck. And yet you're not crushed. It just doesn't quite line up for me, and I feel confused like gaslighting. That's not an accusation, that's just me saying how I experience what you post. Does that make sense?

I don't know if you've ever been in a DV shelter, which you absolutely qualify for, or in transitional housing, but in such places, no one is alone, and believe me, there are times one would want to be! There is practical support for getting housing and benefits to help one get self-sufficient.

I've always made a point to not judge you or get codependent and try to fix you or your situation. I make a point to be accepting of what I have no control over and wish the best for you and hope good things for you. That is as active effort of compassion, far more difficult than trying to fix or change what I have no control over, and making your stuff about me rather than you.

 

[woxihuanni]

I've heard doing a "5 senses check" can help ground you in reality. That's where you take a moment to ask yourself what you hear, see, smell, feel, and taste. It's a start atleast I suppose.

That actually makes a lot of sense. It is something they must want to do though, not something I can do to 'shake them out of it'. Normally obviously it shouldn't be my problem whatever situation this person is in, but it is like a drunk driver driving me into a wall so I would like to be able to wake them up nevertheless.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

That actually makes a lot of sense. It is something they must want to do though, not something I can do to 'shake them out of it'. Normally obviously it shouldn't be my problem whatever situation this person is in, but it is like a drunk driver driving me into a wall so I would like to be able to wake them up nevertheless.

Oh I didn't know you were referring to someone else. There really isn't a way to make someone do something they don't want to. Without using coercion or manipulation tactics anyways.

 

[woxihuanni]

What I have a difficult time reconciling because I don't know you, but because of what I observe, is that you seem to be an emotionally strong person. You don't take shit, you don't suffer fools gladly, you call shit out, and you don't want to die. But you don't want to be alone, and consider leaving your partner as worse than what you're experiencing and don't want. From all you describe, it sounds to me like you're in a human trafficking situation, an intentional deep mind fuck. And yet you're not crushed. It just doesn't quite line up for me, and I feel confused like gaslighting. That's not an accusation, that's just me saying how I experience what you post. Does that make sense?

I don't know if you've ever been in a DV shelter, which you absolutely qualify for, or in transitional housing, but in such places, no one is alone, and believe me, there are times one would want to be! There is practical support for getting housing and benefits to help one get self-sufficient.

I've always made a point to not judge you or get codependent and try to fix you or your situation. I make a point to be accepting of what I have no control over and wish the best for you and hope good things for you. That is as active effort of compassion, far more difficult than trying to fix or change what I have no control over, and making your stuff about me rather than you.

It makes sense. It is all true, and does not add up so natural for you to be confused. To understand why this so, it'd be necessary to know my entire background and how, just how I am sick of being homeless. Not in the sense of having no shelter only, though I've had that problem a lot as well. Home, I need home. Not with any other people, with my family. Since I am grown up, that cannot birth family but a spouse. Not to mention I'd rather die than go to my birth country or family. It is a need ultimately crushing, and the pain of being trashed like this is... I mean in the past someone in my own family tried to murder me, and I wouldn't compare the two pains. The former thing was not even fly's bite.

I was set to be a professor, an unusually respected one. Been called a genius, etc. I gave it all up and would all over do the same again, just to have a home and wrap something hot from the oven in a tea-towel. I cannot be this thing anymore, a perpetually homeless brain driven from place to place. Lord it hurts so much, I'd rather have terminal cancer and die very slowly in my home rather than be trashed out and 'succeed' in life.

Thank you for your compassion... Hope this makes things a little less confusing, and not more.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

So it's more about your home than your spouse?

 

[woxihuanni]

So it's more about your home than your spouse?

I don't know that we could do a versus, for me home is home with a spouse. It's not just a place... Ask me if I'd be slowly flayed or wake up a single day without them, go ahead flay me. I've never had a home, I'm not very young. Never had a home at all. Cannot bear this anymore.

 

[woxihuanni]

Yup, they are selling the house. Apparently they chose the new house with AF on saturday and bought it. Clever move, sell in secret before there is a corpse in it. And looking for a flat for me probably. How dumb do you have to be for that?

Encrypting all my stuff. My worry is that I have not been eating because of fear, and drink coffee/diluted wine to go with my smoking so stomach is not shipshape.

From here on, all help in making peace with death is welcome. It is very difficult to die when you are forced to, as opposed to wanting to.

I love you, SS family. It is a desolate world, where my simplest needs and wishes were not met despite hard work. All my lust for life and all I had to offer snuffed out by AF and their boneless puppet. The puppet I trusted.

 

[Ghost2211]

It makes me sad to see you're pushed into dying when you want to live. Are you not in a country that you can run away? If you still have passion to live there are places that help with domestic violence cases. It makes me angry to think they will get the power and secret burring they are bullying for.

 

[woxihuanni]

It makes me sad to see you're pushed into dying when you want to live. Are you not in a country that you can run away? If you still have passion to live there are places that help with domestic violence cases. It makes me angry to think they will get the power and secret burring they are bullying for.

The form of abuse makes it a different kettle of fish to deal with... It is down to a miracle right now, something that breaks their dissociation. Don't know where it can come from in just days

 

[XYZ]

If I hadn't myself been in a situation where I was mentally trapped and unable to even allow the thought of escape to enter my mind, I don't think I could understand what is keeping you from breaking free.

Sadly, sometimes, breaking free is simply not an option. You are obviously in an extreme situation and I get the feeling you are resolved to let things play out.

Let me just say that I hope you get a little something to eat, to keep your strength up a bit.

I am here if you need a shoulder to cry on, and I see you have received a lot of compassionate and kind replies, so you have some support on SS and that's good.

(Hugs)

 

[woxihuanni]

If I hadn't myself been in a situation where I was mentally trapped and unable to even allow the thought of escape to enter my mind, I don't think I could understand what is keeping you from breaking free.

Sadly, sometimes, breaking free is simply not an option. You are obviously in an extreme situation and I get the feeling you are resolved to let things play out.

Let me just say that I hope you get a little something to eat, to keep your strength up a bit.

I am here if you need a shoulder to cry on, and I see you have received a lot of compassionate and kind replies, so you have some support on SS and that's good.

(Hugs)

Thank you so much, I don't even know what I would do without all the support... I've only known to truly belong to a community here.