Venting Wish for cancer

[alivefornow]

In my crazy mind I wish some kind of deadly cancer would take me out. I wouldn't tell anyone or seek treatment, I would just get eaten by my tumour and rot. People would notice my emaciated stupid cancer face and I'd just say "I got what I wanted. Leave me so I can die alone."

This is one of my several death fantasies. I live in my dark thoughts because I became unable to feel anything good. Anyone else feels this way?

 

[Leyna]

absolutely, wish for this nearly every day

 

[diopdawe]

I wish for that too. People would think I was 'brave' and would not judge me negatively coz of ctb.

 

[deathisapanacea]

Me too. Want to hear "you have no more than x weeks left" from the doctor.

 

[alivefornow]

Me too. Want to hear "you have no more than x weeks left" from the doctor.

Hearing such news might make me so ecstatic I'd suddenly wish to live just to enjoy the feeling of certain death. LOL

 

[SVEN]

Having helped to nurse a relative through the 10 months it took her to die of liver cancer, I can only say, be carefull what you wish for.

 

[Britney Spears]

I pray for it. Compared to the daily pain, it will be like a small, insignificant sting. It would be a blessing for me to have it

 

[Esc9434]

I understand you want to ctb without it being your fault.

However, if you don't seek treatment when you have the means and support, it is still kind of your fault.

I would say the only time it would be appropriate is when you are old and achieved everything you wanted or don't have any major regrets in life.

Anyways, I'm just playing devil's advocate and giving a sort of spiritual point of view on this argument.

 

[bankai]

Having helped to nurse a relative through the 10 months it took her to die of liver cancer, I can only say, be carefull what you wish for.

I'll never understand. It takes quite a bit of time to die from these things and it's extremely horrific. So we will have to deal with our normal suffering on top of this suffering as well. I don't think people have thought it through well.

 

[SVEN]

Having helped to nurse a relative through the 10 months it took her to die of liver cancer, I can only say, be carefull what you wish for.

I pray for it. Compared to the daily pain, it will be like a small, insignificant sting. It would be a blessing for me to have it

On top of your present daily pain, anticipate potentially screaming day and night for relief, vomiting every time you try to even take a sip of water, despite a burning thirst and raging temperature, loss of control of your bowels and bladder and being so weak you cannot even move yourself from side to side in bed; which is where ulcerated bed sores come in.
This isn't as an alternative to what you are presently enduring ... it's in addition to it. Ten months is a long time.

 

[divinemistress87]

Same . Cause here in the states in some places Euthansia is legal. So if you are terminal you can get euthanized

 

[Carrot]

My self destructive part of brain wants that too, but I think I would seek medical help if that happened, because the pain would be insane. It could push me to CTB easier though.

 

[Holu]

I'm wishing for a stray bullet strike and kill me.

 

[Britney Spears]

On top of your present daily pain, anticipate potentially screaming day and night for relief, vomiting every time you try to even take a sip of water, despite a burning thirst and raging temperature, loss of control of your bowels and bladder and being so weak you cannot even move yourself from side to side in bed; which is where ulcerated bed sores come in.
This isn't as an alternative to what you are presently enduring ... it's in addition to it. Ten months is a long time.

I know perfectly well the pain and everything that comes with it. But no one can know the pain and all the mental suffering a person may be going through, nor can they put themselves in their shoes when they prefer physical pain and a terminal illness to what they're enduring. Finding a way out, even if it's brutal. When the mental pain and what one suffers and endures is so great, all physical pain and illness are nullified, no matter how severe it may be.

On top of your present daily pain, anticipate potentially screaming day and night for relief, vomiting every time you try to even take a sip of water, despite a burning thirst and raging temperature, loss of control of your bowels and bladder and being so weak you cannot even move yourself from side to side in bed; which is where ulcerated bed sores come in.
This isn't as an alternative to what you are presently enduring ... it's in addition to it. Ten months is a long time.

On top of your present daily pain, anticipate potentially screaming day and night for relief, vomiting every time you try to even take a sip of water, despite a burning thirst and raging temperature, loss of control of your bowels and bladder and being so weak you cannot even move yourself from side to side in bed; which is where ulcerated bed sores come in.
This isn't as an alternative to what you are presently enduring ... it's in addition to it. Ten months is a long time.

Furthermore, you can't describe what a person suffers and endures daily if you don't know what they're going through, or if you can't put yourself in their shoes. No one can put themselves in another's shoes or compare things. One thing will be more serious for one person than for another. But no one knows what they're going through. It's often thought that mental issues are the least of it, but that's not the case.

 

[desertplant]

In my crazy mind I wish some kind of deadly cancer would take me out. I wouldn't tell anyone or seek treatment, I would just get eaten by my tumour and rot. People would notice my emaciated stupid cancer face and I'd just say "I got what I wanted. Leave me so I can die alone."

This is one of my several death fantasies. I live in my dark thoughts because I became unable to feel anything good. Anyone else feels this way?

I have two people with cancer around me. Dying from cancer is not as peaceful as you think. Looking at diary/vlog of cancer patients made me realize it is one of the most unfavorable way to leave this world.

 

[SVEN]

I doubt that dying of cancer in the stages when even morphine is ineffective would bring much relief from even extreme mental suffering, especially when it's not an alternative for many months but an addition to what is being endured presently.
I speak as one who is no stranger to my own mental illness.

 

[http-410]

I recently had this video flushed into my feed.



She had lung cancer.

Of course, no one can say how long she would have suffered without treatment. But she suffered either way. Imagine your lung filling up with cancer. The feeling of suffocating.

I don't want that.

As someone who has had someone in my family with cancer, I would definitely prepone my suicide if I were diagnosed. I think wishing for cancer or any other fatal disease is easy to say. But the truth is that it's a long, painful ordeal that will probably drive you mad without treatment (even if it's just painkillers, and even those sometimes aren't enough).

Here is another case; she had brain cancer.



I don't want to imagine what would happen if I just let brain cancer run rampant/untreated. No, I wouldn't even wish that on my worst enemy.

Cancer sucks.

 

[alivefornow]

Having helped to nurse a relative through the 10 months it took her to die of liver cancer, I can only say, be carefull what you wish for.

Two of my grandparents died of cancer, one shortly after the other. Grandma was liver too. They went through great suffering and I was there taking care of both of them. I'd still take a cancer death over my life.

I understand you want to ctb without it being your fault.

However, if you don't seek treatment when you have the means and support, it is still kind of your fault.

I would say the only time it would be appropriate is when you are old and achieved everything you wanted or don't have any major regrets in life.

Anyways, I'm just playing devil's advocate and giving a sort of spiritual point of view on this argument.

I know it would be "my fault". I don't have an issue with that. It's just that I can't take myself out in a "conventional" way because I'm too much of a chicken to do something like jumping out of a window, setting myself on fire or even drinking SN.

On top of your present daily pain, anticipate potentially screaming day and night for relief, vomiting every time you try to even take a sip of water, despite a burning thirst and raging temperature, loss of control of your bowels and bladder and being so weak you cannot even move yourself from side to side in bed; which is where ulcerated bed sores come in.
This isn't as an alternative to what you are presently enduring ... it's in addition to it. Ten months is a long time.

Maybe then I would be finally granted euthanasia, wouldn't that be great? Considering it's what I want more than anything? I'm a quitter.

I'm wishing for a stray bullet strike and kill me.

Or maybe just get shot, struck by lightning, hit by car, sudden heart attack, I'll take anything at this point.

I recently had this video flushed into my feed.



She had lung cancer.

Of course, no one can say how long she would have suffered without treatment. But she suffered either way. Imagine your lung filling up with cancer. The feeling of suffocating.

I don't want that.

As someone who has had someone in my family with cancer, I would definitely prepone my suicide if I were diagnosed. I think wishing for cancer or any other fatal disease is easy to say. But the truth is that it's a long, painful ordeal that will probably drive you mad without treatment (even if it's just painkillers, and even those sometimes aren't enough).

Here is another case; she had brain cancer.



I don't want to imagine what would happen if I just let brain cancer run rampant/untreated. No, I wouldn't even wish that on my worst enemy.

Cancer sucks.

I know it's easy to say, that's why I'm saying it. If only I could get so lucky and have a tumor eat my brain and kill me. I would take that 100% of the time over living a depression-ridden life to old age.