Venting Will I ever just get it over with?

[M48 Patton]

im so totally buggered, through and through. Why then won't I just get on with it? I think it really is just because I don't have what I need in front of me. I know full well if I had N or something of an equivalent type I would be gone within hours. I would probably do a couple more things. But overall I wouldn't linger any longer than I need too.

I shouldn't envy people who have those peaceful choices, but I do. I'm left with hanging or some other gruesome means.

I can't cope. I'm not coping. My mind is broken, my body as well, I'm trapped.

I come here for something?

I believe there is nothing when we die and that's that. I'm fine with it, I've fully accepted the concept of mortality.

Why do I still hold on? I can't get any more broken surely?

 

[FuneralCry]

I also envy those who have access to the means to die peacefully and reliably, to me it'd be such a relief if Nembutal became accessible, all I wish for is a painless death like never waking again. The fact that there isn't the option to just easily die in peace is extreme cruelty to me but anyway best wishes.