I am truly pathetic

[bl33ding_heart]

I know I have the potential to drastically improve myself and better my life. But it just feels like I'm stuck and physically can't do it. I feel like I'm just spending my days wasting away instead of growing and flourishing into this changed version of me I was always supposed to be. It's like I've just been waiting for someone to come and do it for me. Or forcefully push me into improvement. But no one will and no one can. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel so pathetic and stupid and like I shouldn't even be here. I have hope in very visibly meaningless things, and I just allow myself to get hurt in the most dumb ways possible. Like walking straight into an ocean filled with sharks. I would rather die then spend any more time clinging on to something that's slowly inevitably gonna completely break apart.

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

I can't quite put into words how much I understand your situation, mate. I don't know what advice to give you, but I can offer solace in the fact that you and I are in the same boat. I'm sure you'll find your peace, mate. I should be saying pressure makes diamonds or some shit, but that's not true. One thing I have found to be true is that everyone finds their peace, somehow. Be it ctb or a happy life, everyone does. That keeps me going. It's a gamble. Love and peace, my friend

 

[suncide10]

I can relate to it. I know I have the potential to improve myself and my life, I tried and I know I'm not that stupid. But it drains me so much I don't have energy to do almost anything. I can't imagine myself without these struggles, they've become a part of me, and getting better feels like losing myself. I hate it

 

[CrawlingInMySkin]

I can't imagine myself without these struggles, they've become a part of me, and getting better feels like losing myself.

couldn't possibly have said it better myself.

 

[punyama]

I know I have the potential to drastically improve myself and better my life. But it just feels like I'm stuck and physically can't do it. I feel like I'm just spending my days wasting away instead of growing and flourishing into this changed version of me I was always supposed to be. It's like I've just been waiting for someone to come and do it for me. Or forcefully push me into improvement. But no one will and no one can. I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel so pathetic and stupid and like I shouldn't even be here. I have hope in very visibly meaningless things, and I just allow myself to get hurt in the most dumb ways possible. Like walking straight into an ocean filled with sharks. I would rather die then spend any more time clinging on to something that's slowly inevitably gonna completely break apart.

i feel exactly the same way.