Venting Why you want to CTB?

[lostinmythoughts]

I want to ctb because if my parents, they are divorced and I live with my mom, she's very selfish she turns the lights off to save money. I tried to kms earlier last year but they put me in the psych hospital. I simply do t want to live, get married, have kids or work 40 hrs weekly. This all boring for me. I'm looking for resources to kms asap

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I consider CTB bc after a big failure in life a few years ago my personal expectations for my future are terrible, recovery in for a life I really want to live is almost impossible from my personal point of view and I prefer to CTB instead of becoming a min wage slave.

There's a Suicide Resource Compilation with lots of info and most common methods are discussed in their respective mega threads.

 

[lostinmythoughts]

I consider CTB bc after a big failure in life a few years ago my personal expectations for my future are terrible, recovery in for a life I really want to live is almost impossible from my personal point of view and I prefer to CTB instead of becoming a min wage slave.

There's a Suicide Resource Compilation with lots of info and most common methods are discussed in their respective mega threads.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this experience in life. Do you have a plan? I saw the resources but it sounds complicated I'm looking for something less painful and easy…

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Do you have a plan?

My plan is CO (with charcoal). Everything is easily available, not restricted and it's the most peaceful method which is easily available for me.

 

[lostinmythoughts]

I feel like we can't buy anything here in the US but Co with charcoal is easily available.. I'm going to read about it. My friend died while sleeping from a generator he had outside his house. He didn't plan or anything it just happened that he never woke up

 

[Lloydbro]

Because there's nothing in life to achieve

 

[lostinmythoughts]

Because there's nothing in life to achieve

I know right? I feel the same way

 

[nothinggoldcanstay]

I have a severe incurable illness with zero approved treatments that has turned my life into a waking nightmare.

 

[FuneralCry]

Basically because existence is just undesirable in general, no matter what I'll always see it as better to cease existing. I personally only wish for the peace of eternal nothingness, I don't see any value in having the ability to suffer in this hellish reality, wanting suicide is all that feels rational to me to escape from the futility and cruelty of existing. Existence is burdensome, all that it does is create problems that there never was a need for with no limit as to how much one can suffer.
Existing just isn't for me and I find it tiring simply just being conscious and aware, and anyway only the existing are capable of suffering, not the dead which is why I envy those who die.

 

[Lloydbro]

I know right? I feel the same way

It takes some actual intellectual to understand this

 

[lostinmythoughts]

I have a severe incurable illness with zero approved treatments that has turned my life into a waking nightmare.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this illness. Life is very cruel!!! I wish you the best with your plans

Basically because existence is just undesirable in general, no matter what I'll always see it as better to cease existing. I personally only wish for the peace of eternal nothingness, I don't see any value in having the ability to suffer in this hellish reality, wanting suicide is all that feels rational to me to escape from the futility and cruelty of existing. Existence is burdensome, all that it does is create problems that there never was a need for with no limit as to how much one can suffer.
Existing just isn't for me and I find it tiring simply just being conscious and aware, and anyway only the existing are capable of suffering, not the dead which is why I envy those who die.

Agreed!

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Because I'll always suffer no matter what and I can't obtain things that would make said suffering more bearable

 

[Dizzylady80]

Severe chronic pain and poverty as a result of not being able to work due to the pain.

I have a severe incurable illness with zero approved treatments that has turned my life into a waking nightmare.

I'm in a similar boat, I'm so sorry you have to experience that

 

[VioletNight]

I just don't like living, I've wanted to since I was a kid

 

[BlazingBob]

Severe chronic pain and poverty as a result of not being able to work due to the pain.

I'm in a similar boat, I'm so sorry you have to experience that

Same. My body is torturing me. The worst part is how it impacts my sleep and the constant unrelenting exhaustion. And getting treated like dog shit and being called lazy.

 

[nothinggoldcanstay]

Severe chronic pain and poverty as a result of not being able to work due to the pain.

I'm in a similar boat, I'm so sorry you have to experience that

Thank you, I'm so sorry you do as well. I honestly didn't know this level of suffering was possible

 

[Dizzylady80]

Same. My body is torturing me. The worst part is how it impacts my sleep and the constant unrelenting exhaustion. And getting treated like dog shit and being called lazy.

God the lack of sleep is awful, I've got meds that usually help with that but sometimes they don't and I'm just up all night. I'm sorry you know what that's like

Thank you, I'm so sorry you do as well. I honestly didn't know this level of suffering was possible

Something I learned the hard way is that there is no bottom floor when it comes to suffering, it can always be worse. A terrifying yet sometimes comforting notion

 

[Shunya]

I feel like we can't buy anything here in the US but Co with charcoal is easily available.. I'm going to read about it. My friend died while sleeping from a generator he had outside his house. He didn't plan or anything it just happened that he never woke up

How does that work with the generator? I live in Indonesia where everything is impossible to find =(

 

[adragonsdiaries]

I just got out of 6 years in a toxic, abusive relationship with a trans partner, who coerced me into having a baby with him despite me not wanting kids over the entirety of that relationship, with one of the main reasons being "I can take care of him, I'm ready for this." After our kid was born, he proved unable to take care of our child, and I've had to take our child and flee to safety because the neglect he was subjecting our child to while I was at work, is inexcusable. Now I'm stuck taking care of a child I didn't want, and am not mentally ready to properly take care of without sacrificing my well being. Every day I just wish I didn't exist, that I was gone since it really just feels like my life is over. I had to give up everything for my ex while he raked in dream after dream, and now I have nothing, not even the person I gave everything up for, just all the scars from the trauma I endured. The only reason I'm still here is most "peaceful" outs are hard to come by or require money I don't have because my ex scammed me out of thousands of dollars.

 

[Shunya]

My plan is CO (with charcoal). Everything is easily available, not restricted and it's the most peaceful method which is easily available for me.

How would you do it with charcoal? Do you live alone and can safely eject Yourself in your chosen space?

I have a severe incurable illness with zero approved treatments that has turned my life into a waking nightmare.

I inherited a genetic illness and existing hurts so much. Like you, I too wish for peace.

 

[Lost cherry]

Because of breaking up after 10 years.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

How would you do it with charcoal? Do you live alone and can safely eject Yourself in your chosen space?

From time to time I have good options, alone, undisturbed, to do it at home, should I have to CTB. Most likely in the bathroom, I also thought of getting a small 1-man tent as an option.

Charcoal method advice

Hi, I somehow came across this site after some furious google searching over the weekend. After trying and failing other methods over the past month I came across back to the idea of carbon monoxide and decided to dig further into charcoal burning, of which there are plenty discussions on this...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[Shunya]

From time to time I have good options, alone, undisturbed, to do it at home, should I have to CTB. Most likely in the bathroom, I also thought of getting a small 1-man tent as an option.

Charcoal method advice

Hi, I somehow came across this site after some furious google searching over the weekend. After trying and failing other methods over the past month I came across back to the idea of carbon monoxide and decided to dig further into charcoal burning, of which there are plenty discussions on this...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I live with my family and only ever have saturdays to myself. Wish I could do charcoal but we live in an apartment.
Have been eyeing a nitrogen gas tank that I've saved up for. Need to figure out if the specs are suitable.

I'd planned on ejecting myself on the 12th (my birthday). Gotten a bottle of sparkling wine ready to celebrate my departure the day before but I may have to put that off. Being sickly, I rarely leave home and have become a NEET, but have now caught COVID from my father. On top of the illness I'd already inherited from him, my already extremely sensitive body is in more pain and I can't swallow. Even if I get over this Covid flu by the 11th, as it turned out, my mother will be returning home on the 12th. My plans will have to be postponed.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

@Shunya I'm sorry you caught the COVID virus, this sucks. I hope you'll be fine soon. Sorry things don't go well for you rn. N2 is certainly a good method and peaceful, however I can't imagine myself wearing a mask/exit bag and pressing the button.

inert gas / N2 useful threads:

GasMonkey Setup [Nitrogen SCBA]

🐵 GasMonkey Setup 🐵 [Nitrogen SCBA] Positive Pressure Self-Contained Breathing Apparatus **images have been edited to ensure anonymity** Front view Side view Back view Pressure gauge Lung Demand Valve and Mask Bluetooth pulse oximeter Cylinder attachment Cylinder's connection...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Exit bag and inert gas megathread

Exit Bag and Inert Gas Basics —A very, very long post, I know, but I feel like I've fielded a lot of questions about this, so I figured I'd spell out everything I know. Others on the forum should please add to this thread whatever reliable technical information they feel is appropriate for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Nitrogen gas with EEBD hood Guide (Inert gas Method)

NITROGEN GAS WITH EEBD HOOD (INERT GAS METHOD) before I start this guide, let’s be honest this method is expensive (approximately 600 to 800 dollars)and you need minimum 1 -2 months to source the equipments and nitrogen gas cylinder. My tip for you to do it cheap, purchase the Chinese products...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[nothinggoldcanstay]

Same. My body is torturing me. The worst part is how it impacts my sleep and the constant unrelenting exhaustion. And getting treated like dog shit and being called lazy.

I completely understand. I have the severe ME/CFS version of long covid and the insomnia, bone crushing fatigue and constant neurological symptoms are a torture I wouldn't wish on anyone. Well…except for the doctors who gaslit and traumatized me even more. So sorry you are going through this.

 

[Shunya]

@Shunya I'm sorry you caught the COVID virus, this sucks. I hope you'll be fine soon. Sorry things don't go well for you rn. N2 is certainly a good method and peaceful, however I can't imagine myself wearing a mask/exit bag and pressing the button.

inert gas / N2 useful threads:

GasMonkey Setup [Nitrogen SCBA]

🐵 GasMonkey Setup 🐵 [Nitrogen SCBA] Positive Pressure Self-Contained Breathing Apparatus **images have been edited to ensure anonymity** Front view Side view Back view Pressure gauge Lung Demand Valve and Mask Bluetooth pulse oximeter Cylinder attachment Cylinder's connection...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Exit bag and inert gas megathread

Exit Bag and Inert Gas Basics —A very, very long post, I know, but I feel like I've fielded a lot of questions about this, so I figured I'd spell out everything I know. Others on the forum should please add to this thread whatever reliable technical information they feel is appropriate for...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Nitrogen gas with EEBD hood Guide (Inert gas Method)

NITROGEN GAS WITH EEBD HOOD (INERT GAS METHOD) before I start this guide, let’s be honest this method is expensive (approximately 600 to 800 dollars)and you need minimum 1 -2 months to source the equipments and nitrogen gas cylinder. My tip for you to do it cheap, purchase the Chinese products...

sanctioned-suicide.net

I'd watched this anime some years ago, where in an episode these
folks in Japan got together through a forum (much like this one) and arranged for a group ejecting. They got together, held hands and tried one method after the other. Was always envious of that. But to get understanding & have my hand held even from afar, I am so grateful. Thank you for the links =) you are a godsend!

 

[leavingthesoultrap]

I have BPD, depression, social anxiety and possibly Asperger's. I can't do life anymore and I ran out of solutions.

I just got out of 6 years in a toxic, abusive relationship with a trans partner, who coerced me into having a baby with him despite me not wanting kids over the entirety of that relationship, with one of the main reasons being "I can take care of him, I'm ready for this." After our kid was born, he proved unable to take care of our child, and I've had to take our child and flee to safety because the neglect he was subjecting our child to while I was at work, is inexcusable. Now I'm stuck taking care of a child I didn't want, and am not mentally ready to properly take care of without sacrificing my well being. Every day I just wish I didn't exist, that I was gone since it really just feels like my life is over. I had to give up everything for my ex while he raked in dream after dream, and now I have nothing, not even the person I gave everything up for, just all the scars from the trauma I endured. The only reason I'm still here is most "peaceful" outs are hard to come by or require money I don't have because my ex scammed me out of thousands of dollars.

I'm in similar situation but different. Ex pressured me to have a baby and later when I finally gathered enough courage to leave him and go back to my home country I discovered that I can't leave with my daughter. So basically she's his and I can't do anything to change that since I can't support myself in his country.

 

[L0nely]

I'm useless to the society in every way. I don't see any future for myself. It would be better for every1 if I was just gone, no more disappointment; anger or saddness because of me.

 

[LeperGnome]

I'm neet because of a crippling anxiety disorder. Also messed up my brain because of substance abuse. On top I lost motor function and sensation in my left hand because of a ctb attempt. There just isn't anything left to salvage, I just want to rest.

 

[lostinmythoughts]

How does that work with the generator? I live in Indonesia where everything is impossible to find =(

He had a generator outside his house because he lost electricity and I guess because he left the door open partially in the morning he didn't wake up they said it's from the gas coming out of the generator