Why you wanna die? (concise answer)

[Fragile]

I tell people this.. they don't believe me.... They have been brainwashed by an "Oprah/ Inspirational Speaker Culture" that rejects the idea that just like there are PHYSICAL TERMINAL ILLNESSES, there are MENTAL terminla illnesses..... I mean sure, we could reduce our standard of our quality of life to the dust...... but why bother when we could just stop existing? I'm sorry you suffer freind. Hopefully in the future humans will develop cures for the ailments that today sends us to our graves... :(

I completely agree, today's society needs to accept that some mental illnesses are terminal and can kill you the same way physical ones do all the time.

I'm sure that in the future there will be both cures for those illnesses and also acceptance to the decision to end one's life because of them. sadly this is for the future generations and not for us who are suffering right now and probably will die before that world becomes a reality.

 

[CozyTime]

I just want to sleep.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I completely agree, today's society needs to accept that some mental illnesses are terminal and can kill you the same way physical ones do all the time.

I'm sure that in the future there will be both cures for those illnesses and also acceptance to the decision to end one's life because of them. sadly this is for the future generations and not for us who are suffering right now and probably will die before that world becomes a reality.

Exactly it's just like how the medical profession is evolved over the decades back in the day people used to die from s*** like the flu so similarly I believe they just like how we're dying from these mental illnesses and personality disorders and all they do is throw all these ridiculous medications at us and lock us up in psych wards will evolves from the Dark Ages and then soon they'll be treatment that can actually cure and heal

 

[Fragile]

Exactly it's just like how the medical profession is evolved over the decades back in the day people used to die from s*** like the flu so similarly I believe they just like how we're dying from these mental illnesses and personality disorders and all they do is throw all these ridiculous medications at us and lock us up in psych wards will evolves from the Dark Ages and then soon they'll be treatment that can actually cure and heal

yeah, psychiatry is specially bad, i know that future generations will look down upon this medical school and the terrible practices that they are putting people through. just the way we abandoned practices such as lobotomy, which was prescribed by many psychiatrists in the previous century.

i really hope that future generations don't have to deal with that kind of barbaric treatment.

 

[StillWaiting]

Endless loop of waking up and doing things that drain me entirely scares me . Knowing that it only get worse as I get older , just makes me think I won't regret if I choose to leave earlier.

 

[Sweet emotion]

For the past 14 years, since I was 20, I have had Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, which is the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. I have no quality of life anymore and it's a progressive condition and I've gotten so much worse over the years. I can't do much for myself anymore. The pain is too much and the isolation plays hell with your mind. I don't want to suffer anymore physically or mentally.

Chronic, Progressive Nervous System Disease

What is your disease called?

Endless loop of waking up and doing things that drain me entirely scares me . Knowing that it only get worse as I get older , just makes me think I won't regret if I choose to leave earlier.

Is there anything you can do to make your life better? Change it around so that you can be happy?

A progressive illness that will eventually reduce me to an invalid mentally and physically. I don't want the responsibility for my care to fall on my children and I want to leave on my terms.

What is your physical illness? I have an awful one myself for 14 years since I was 20. Awful age to get sick because I missed out on my young adult life. Any age is an awful age to get sick though. But I never got to experience or know anything about life. I'm so sorry you're suffering.

 

[Chronicillness]

I suffer from complex alien illnesses that are a result of medical intervention, also known as iatrogenesis. < That is my tipping point. I've completely lost my creativity and intellect. Life is void of all pleasure and it's simply a continuum of escalating and torturous pain (emotional and physical). I'm mostly bed/couch-bound and I am literally fighting to keep my body alive everyday. Every moment of conscious life for me is about disease management. Due to insufficient funds for medical coverage, I am now bankrupting my parents and I will eventually be homeless soon as I will be left to fend for myself.

I don't want to kill myself, but I have little choice now, this is the most rational decision for my personal circumstances. I think life can be bountiful, joyous, enchanting and constructive if you're not unlucky enough to be afflicted with seriously debilitating chronic illness or an overwhelming sense of extreme melancholy or terrorizing panic.

Sometimes I feel like I deserve all this inexplicable and inhumane suffering; I was a little piece of shit growing up and did terrible things as I evolved through childhood with no regard for how it would affect others. I was cursed with an overwhelming sadness and treatment resistant depression as young as 8. I believe that my medical conditions that started at birth and have snowballed up to where they are now may have contributed to the terrible things I did as an adolescence. I just had no awareness of how my chronic illnesses/inflammation/suffering was affecting my behaviors because I was being dominated by it, almost as if I was possessed.

I just want to say to all the beings I have hurt in my life: I am truly sorry. I am truly, truly sorry. I think about the injustices I have committed in my life to others on a daily basis and I wish that I could go back in time and correct the instances in which I have wronged others.

 

[Dwna25]

I suffer from complex alien illnesses that are a result of medical intervention, also known as iatrogenesis. < That is my tipping point. I've completely lost my creativity and intellect. Life is void of all pleasure and it's simply a continuum of escalating and torturous pain (emotional and physical). I'm mostly bed/couch-bound and I am literally fighting to keep my body alive everyday. Every moment of conscious life for me is about disease management. Due to insufficient funds for medical coverage, I am now bankrupting my parents and I will eventually be homeless soon as I will be left to fend for myself.

I don't want to kill myself, but I have little choice now, this is the most rational decision for my personal circumstances. I think life can be bountiful, joyous, enchanting and constructive if you're not unlucky enough to be afflicted with seriously debilitating chronic illness or an overwhelming sense of extreme melancholy or terrorizing panic.

Sometimes I feel like I deserve all this inexplicable and inhumane suffering; I was a little piece of shit growing up and did terrible things growing up with no regard for how it would affect others. I was cursed with an overwhelming sadness and treatment resistant depression as young as 8. I believe that my medical conditions that started at birth and have snowballed up to where they are now may have contributed to the terrible things I did as an adolescence. I just had no awareness of how my chronic illnesses/inflammation/suffering was affecting my behaviors because I was being dominated by it, almost as if I was possessed.

I just want to say to all the beings I have hurt in my life: I am truly sorry. I am truly, truly sorry. I think about the injustices I have committed in my life to others on a daily basis and I wish that I could go back in time and correct the instances in which I have wronged others.

I feel you, I think the same, karma maybe or bad luck, I dunno but I think life is good even if it's not good for me anymore.....

 

[Sweet emotion]

I suffer from complex alien illnesses that are a result of medical intervention, also known as iatrogenesis. < That is my tipping point. I've completely lost my creativity and intellect. Life is void of all pleasure and it's simply a continuum of escalating and torturous pain (emotional and physical). I'm mostly bed/couch-bound and I am literally fighting to keep my body alive everyday. Every moment of conscious life for me is about disease management. Due to insufficient funds for medical coverage, I am now bankrupting my parents and I will eventually be homeless soon as I will be left to fend for myself.

I don't want to kill myself, but I have little choice now, this is the most rational decision for my personal circumstances. I think life can be bountiful, joyous, enchanting and constructive if you're not unlucky enough to be afflicted with seriously debilitating chronic illness or an overwhelming sense of extreme melancholy or terrorizing panic.

Sometimes I feel like I deserve all this inexplicable and inhumane suffering; I was a little piece of shit growing up and did terrible things as I evolved through childhood with no regard for how it would affect others. I was cursed with an overwhelming sadness and treatment resistant depression as young as 8. I believe that my medical conditions that started at birth and have snowballed up to where they are now may have contributed to the terrible things I did as an adolescence. I just had no awareness of how my chronic illnesses/inflammation/suffering was affecting my behaviors because I was being dominated by it, almost as if I was possessed.

I just want to say to all the beings I have hurt in my life: I am truly sorry. I am truly, truly sorry. I think about the injustices I have committed in my life to others on a daily basis and I wish that I could go back in time and correct the instances in which I have wronged others.

Let me tell you no matter what you have done you do not deserve this pain and misery you're going through right now. I promise you that. I never did anything to anyone and I'm terribly sick. I can relate to your story so much. About how every minute of your life is dedicated to your disease. Trying to keep it from going out of control. And in the end our bodies just turn on us and our minds are in ruins. I have had this pain for 14 years and it had kept me isolated from the world since one of the major spots I have it in just inside my ears. So I can't take any kind of noise or the pain is brutal. So bad you just want to kill yourself in the moment. I can't talk much anymore. I have to keep my voice low and I can't listen to others talk. Many people in my family believe I'm making this up. Yeah all of a sudden at 20 years old I just felt like giving up on life for no reason. I just turned my neck to the left one more I and got the biggest spasm and that is how this all started. I am the only crps patient that doctors have seen that have it in the ears, head, face, neck, vaginal area. I've never known love and I never will and that kills me because I have a lot of love to give to someone if I ever found the right person but that will never happen if it hurts so badly that I want to cry when I have sex and that I can't even leave the house to meet someone. Plus I'd never want anyone to be with me just because I'm sick. I'd ruin their lives. I'll be honest. I wouldn't want to be with someone like me. This disease is primarily given to women, surprise surprise right? Haha. So many of their husbands leave them because their bodies hurt too much to have sex and they can't live the lives that they fell in love with together.

Also I understand your fear of lack of funds. I'm on disability. My mother takes care of me because I can't do the simplest things like bend down or pick up a can of soup. Just an example. I can't drive anymore because my mind just isn't as aware as it used to be and my muscles have weakened and my reflexes aren't that fast. I feel like such a burden to her. She's been so wonderful throughout all of it though. I mean we have our fights don't get me wrong. A mother and her daughter aren't meant to live together forever. But for the most part we do alright. It's like us against the world. My dad died of alcoholism. My grandma also died during this 14 year period. My uncle disowned me. So I have my Pop who is going to be 86 in November bless him. He's always been like my father and if anything ever happened to him I don't know what I'd do. I love him too much. And I don't want to leave my other alone. What if she gets sick? No one will be there for her. She has a sister and a brother but her brother is my uncle and he disowned both of us for something so damned stupid that was none of this business.

So let's just say I outlive my mother. I wouldn't have enough money to rent an apartment, buy food and clothing. There's no way I'd even be able to physically take care of myself. So I know eventually one day I'm going to have to say goodbye to this world. I wish Dr. Kevorkian was still around. I never looked at him as a murderer. He knew people were suffering with awful progressive diseases and they didn't want to ride it all the way out. I thought he was more like an angel. You just pull the string and say goodbye to whoever is with you and you go to sleep and your heart stops. Why do we have to go through the fear of failed suicide attempts?

I'm so sorry that you are suffering so bady. I've never heard of your disease as I'm sure you've never heard of mine. I think they should start doing monthly awarenesses for these diseases instead of breast cancer awareness. We all know what cancer is. I mean it's been talked about to death so there is no reason to bring awareness to it anymore. Let's she'd some light on diseases that are worse. I know some people can't believe it but there are a lot of diseases out there worse than cancer. My cousin has multiple sclerosis and diabetes and she just had both legs amputated and can't move a muscle. She's a vegetable almost. Why can't her family sign a paper and have her euthanized? She lies in a bed in a nursing home all day and night and is in the hospital all the time due to infections. It's disgusting how humans are treated. Animals, even though people think they are less important than humans, are able to be out down when they are suffering. So I don't understand why the same thing can't be done for us. I'm so sorry I wrote an essay but your story really got me and I can really relate to the circumstances you're in. I wish you nothing but peace.

 

[woxihuanni]

Life completely fucked. To keep my dignity.

 

[AlmostFinished]

I am not happy with my body.

 

[Aolelife]

Because after 46 years I have realized that I have not been strong enough to end this cycle of bad choices and physical and emotional weakness. I am responsible for every bad decision I have made, and even though I know my weakness, I still fall victim to my fear. I am responsible for my state in life, and it is my responsibility to end it while I still have the strength to make my own choice.

 

[StillWaiting]

Is there anything you can do to make your life better? Change it around so that you can be happy?

Too tired to get myself together to change my life.
I don't even know what does being happy means anymore.
It feels so out of reach

 

[hadenoughthanks]

I have no self-discipline, no focus, minimal work-ethic, low intelligence, low ambition, so basically, no future.

Me too. And the standard intrusive thoughts and MH person. I also either have way too much empathy or completely lack it. I put myself first a lot and have a distored and confused identity... I just hate myself and my personality really.

 

[Boonks]

CONCISE?

- childhood robbed (abuse), adulthood botched as a result, developed a slew of problems AKA "mental illnesses"

- born into poverty and a shit family with shit genes

- ahnedonia, existentialism, nihilism

- a cutthroat worldview I cannot shake after a lifetime of pain and suffering which inhibits me from healthy relationships

- as of today (this may change as I hold onto a thread of hope) I cannot go to work or school

.....

It's really hard to be concise about this but I tried. Lord knows I tried.

 

[Rachel74]

Bipolar for me and the lack of others understanding it plus ME. I'm slowly giving up the fight to for it.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Because I'm slowly wasting away and I don't even have a name for what's doing it. So I'm ignored and left to rot. I'd not wish any cancer on anyone but yeah there's lots of weird conditions out there that really need more awareness.

 

[White_Room293]

I have no self-discipline, no focus, minimal work-ethic, low intelligence, low ambition, so basically, no future.

I'm the same aside from worth ethic and intelligence. I think I know how you feel. It's hard to feel that way when you're told that you're supposed to follow a life script. It hurts so fucking much to remember that you're not acting like everyone should and can't suck it up like you're supposed to.

Endless loop of waking up and doing things that drain me entirely scares me . Knowing that it only get worse as I get older , just makes me think I won't regret if I choose to leave earlier.

It makes me wonder if it's truly ever too late. I feel like I should leave before it gets worse and to stop the pain but I still wonder too, dude.

 

[Trazohell]

No more proud and PSSD since nearly two years, suffering from deptression since 7 years. (see my history in my first presentation thread)

 

[MeltingHeart]

Constantly emotionally abused, hurt or let down by other people; lack of love and care in my life, no parental love/ closeness throughout entire life.

 

[EmptySteph62]

I hurt everywhere and I'm terrified all the time and I need it to end

 

[Midnight_Rambler]

Chronic physical illness
Traumatic past
Mentally messed up
Socially inept

 

[methylene blue]

Too much effort and self-control needed just to sustain basic safety; people are threats, dangers and problems for the most part; long-term to life-term mental instability including addiction requiring strict self-maintenance with little to no worthwhile reward. I am not naturally compatible (mentally) with the world due to my abnormalities making it a more dangerous place for me as it is much more difficult to maneuver and survive. Social selection has outed me. If I do not kill myself life will torture me without mercy and without end until it kills me cruelly and brutally.

 

[JTG1972]

My depression/executive dysfunction/shitty life choices are slowly dragging my wife down into the beginning of depression of her own and she refuses to leave me to my fate. I want to CTB before she runs out of time to find anyone else.

 

[Sadwind]

I have a personality disorder and a very psychotic, insane inner child that is kicking spitting and barking at me when I try to reason with it. I am split in two pieces mentally. One side rational, the other irrational. I am not beg enough to handle my mental problems, they permeate my entire being.

Afflicted with suicidal thoughts, images, anxiety, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness that saturates my life, even my gaze. Things I look upon reflect my sadness back to me, so it feels like reality itself is turning on me.

I genuinely enjoy life and my meager existence. I can accept being a tiny bug. What I can't stand is being mentally ill. I want my thoughts, identity, dreams, and my entire psyche to be reframed, remade from the ground up. It's just not possible so I have to make myself as comfortable as possible until I either die naturally or get the courage to end it.

 

[Enabran255]

Here is a set of attempted short sentences to summarize it:

• Long history of bullying that started with my dad getting screwed over by one and then drinking himself into an early grave, to my suffering from them throughout my life
• Being considered too old to work in the field I got my degree in
• Learning disabilities and aspie traits that make me unemployable
• Related to the above, being a failure NEET the past nine years
• Always being limited with my opportunites because of money
• Never having a normal social life, with one exception that got destroyed by a bully
• Never having a girlfriend, the one time I met my perfect match who actually liked me back, it got viciously destroyed by a bully who turned her against me along with my entire social circle
• My body breaking down and betraying me, so that I can no longer even do the only things I'm good at or enjoy (hand and arm having severe RSI and neurological issues) like programming and gaming
• Spinal problems with multiple bulged discs in my neck and lower back, one of which is degenerate after surgery
• Being cruelly rejected by people who share my interests because the majority of them are under 26 and think a 40 year old wanting to make friends is creepy
• Losing my close online friend of several years who killed herself a couple months ago because of her horrible situation, I could have saved her if I hadn't been such a failure with making an income.

That final one was what really opened my eyes to how pointless anything I do is now.

 

[ScorpiusDragon]

isolation and trauma

 

[DeadPetal]

Because my partner killed himself and left me in this shit world alone.

 

[Lost1804]

Lost my daughter, best friend, soul mate.... Left totally empty.

 

[MichiyoCornell]

Health issues, little support, significant debt, left a trail of destruction that isn't repairable.