Discussion Why live if I can't control myself?

[Quantum Particle]

To carry on from my earlier story my ex who went with the 43 year old when she was 27 finished up having 2 children with him and gave me custody of my 2 sons. That would be a win, win for you. Loads of people start training and then pack it in, go on diets then pack it in and this does not make you a failure my friend. Am I allowed to ask what country you live in

 

[DyingEmperor2]

I live in Germany at the moment.

And it absolutely does make me a failure.

Fat=disgusting=no love=no family=no reason to live.

Therefore, fat=no reason to live.

As I am, I'm the laughing stock of the world.

I do not care what a few people do in their 40s, it's their fault that they wasted their best years, I won't make the same mistake.

If that other guy is so insanely attractive that he could get a 27 year old at 42, then he could have obtained a 21 year old trophy wife who loves him when he was 31.

I don't have that luxury. If I can't find a beautiful partner now then by 42 it will only be so, sooo much worse.

Right now I still have a full head of colourful hair, no wrinkles and my cock isn't completely impotent yet. I still don't creep out beautiful young women with my age. There would be hope here if I wasn't a worthless incompetent fuckup.

 

[Neowise]

This is the point: I cannot control myself. The part of me that acts is like an incredibly stupid flesh robot, meanwhile, the actual me who is writing these words is simply stuck as a spectator. I cannot make the flesh robot exercise, learn or practice anything. I've tried and tried and tried and every single time it backfired in my face or was a waste of time.

Oh wow, that's the same sentiment I have towards myself. I love your choice of words, it really hits the bull's eye on why I want to die. It feels like my subconsciousness has declared war on me and makes me forget important things, makes my body tired and keeps me from improving skills. It keeps telling me I am worthless and disturbs the overall functionality of my consciousness and makes me stupid. It's like it's deliberately sabotaging me to finally get rid of me.

Fat=disgusting=no love=no family=no reason to live.

So having a family is your ultimate goal? Or could you also imagine another life goal, such as getting a good career, making a living from what you love, social engagement etc.?

 

[DyingEmperor2]

The parasite that controls me isn't so elaborate: it just wants to suck the life out of me. It just wants to do the bare minimum and nothing more, consequences and unfulfilled dreams be damned.

 

[Neowise]

I edited my message to add a question at the same moment you answered so you might have missed it, that's why I ping you again @DyingEmperor2.

 

[Painfu.Ll.suffering]

With adhd, chronic pain and depression plzs social anxiety and fear of anything i do and it's consequences i feel there will never be anything I will find motivation for anymore... Before my accident i felt that vaping could help me with my adhd... But now, everything's down the drain..

 

[DyingEmperor2]

I edited my message to add a question at the same moment you answered so you might have missed it, that's why I ping you again @DyingEmperor2.

Yes, that's the only thing I care about: A worthy spouse and a large family.

After I die, no career, no personal engagement and no "fun" or "wealth" that I've attained will follow me to the afterlife, nor will it remain here (except for a house, but even if I had one I'd sooner burn it to the ground then let the government inherit it).

So what was the purpose of my life then? Why did I exist, what was the fucking point?

The only indisputable "meaning of life" is to make more copies of ourselves: through my children, a part of me will live on.

Although I don't have the faculties to change the world for the better, if I take good care of my children they will become good people who will do good things for humanity, far outsizing any impact I could have had myself.

That would be a life worth living. I could live my life without regrets and die knowing I did my bit for humanity.

I want to find a freaky young girl, fuck like rabbits, have threesomes, orgies, go to raves, do hippy substances, enjoy life to the fullest, experience all of its buzz and FEEL ALIVE. Then a few years after we've calmed down, we make the healthiest, most wholesome family of 4 children there has ever been. I want to be a good father to these kids and I want to make sure they crush the competition and live better than I ever could have.

I'm low maintenance myself, I just need sex, food, weed and video games.If I just wanted to live for myself that would be a sad and pathetic existence. In the context of a family however, if I could limit my consumption to one Friday afternoon joint, this would make me the perfect provider.

I also think the current day fad of "no kids" is extremely dangerous and toxic and most (not all) who buy into it will deeply regret it in their 50s or if not then, than on their deathbeds. It's like you've never existed.