What can I do to protest against living or to "spite" life?

[ChildrensITV]

I've been looking for fulltime work for years. I am volunteering part-time to have something on my CV. I tried to go into a different sector but still somewhat related to my degree. I wasn't into it at first but it began to feel like this was my next step. Then today, I got an email that after this 2nd stage, I didn't make it to the 3rd.

I can't work. I can't date like most men these days. I can't have hair. I can't do anything on this fucking planet except wake up every day.

Nothing works. All I can do to change my situation is ration myself food. I love food. But eating prolongs my suffering. I am keeping myself here with every bite. I get why anorexic girls do it: to feel control. Cuz I can't control anything else on this piece of fucking shit planet. I feel like rationing food to myself is a protest. I wish I could protest by not eating at all but that never works.

Is there anything I can do to "spite" life? If I had the money, I would go skydiving often, seen as I can't seem to die. There are people with fulfilling lives, who are loved and needed - they die every day. Yet people like me who are just a walking shitstain won't die young. We're "lifers". I don't want to do anything risky that would end in me becoming paralysed and having an even shittier life. I keep thinking of the Spanish guy here who lept from a height, landed, fucked up his leg and lost the leg. So his life is worse now.

I'm not even asking for a good life. I just want what everyone around me has or if not that, then can't I just die in my sleep? Why do I have to live so long when it's obviously not worth it. I think I cheated death at some point in my life. I wasn't supposed to live this long. That's why nothing works for me. Cuz I fucked the law of physics up by surviving.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Depends what you want to 'rebel' against. In a way, you're already rebelling against societal and biological expectations of you- not working full time (even though you're trying.) Not dating (even though you want to.) Will rebelling actually make you happy?

A hunger strike will make a statement of sorts I suppose but eventually, I imagine they'll chuck you in a psyche ward and force feed you.

Maybe that's the 'problem' with all forms of extreme protest- people think the people doing them are crazy. It's easier to just dismiss 'crazy' people.

I suppose I see my potential suicide as a protest against life but again, I doubt it will be interpreted as such- if I even have the guts to do it.

 

[ChildrensITV]

Depends what you want to 'rebel' against. In a way, you're already rebelling against societal and biological expectations of you- not working full time (even though you're trying.) Not dating (even though you want to.) Will rebelling actually make you happy?

I'm not rebelling against working. I'm unable to find fulltime work. I'm not rebelling against dating. I'm not goodlooking enough to get a woman to say yes.

My life is just misery and needs to end. It's like I'm forced to drink my SN. I didn't really want to but there is no other choice.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm not rebelling against working. I'm unable to find fulltime work. I'm not rebelling against dating. I'm not goodlooking enough to get a woman to say yes.

My life is just misery and needs to end. It's like I'm forced to drink my SN. I didn't really want to but there is no other choice.

I guess the 'rebelling' bit would be to start enjoying those things/ feeling relieved about them. But, I can understand why you feel you can't. We want what we want.

Personally, I 'rebelled' against the regular 9-5. I'm freelance. To some extent, being single went from feeling sad and bitter to feeling relieved. I look at how many people are in abusive relationships for example.

That's not trying to convince you you need, should or can feel the same. It's just suggesting how the idea of rebelling can empower us.

I suppose I feel like while there's still things people want and, they still have the energy to pursue them- it's still worth trying. Not to say they'll get them of course but then, we can all judge for ourselves the probability of success vs. effort required.

I hope you are rewarded with something more positive soon though.

 

[feakfjnkje]

Honestly, I tried to enjoy life but it seems that life doesn't want to me. So in order to "spite" life, I'm probably going to CTB since I had enough of this bullshit.

 

[Ambien addict]

I'm not rebelling against working. I'm unable to find fulltime work. I'm not rebelling against dating. I'm not goodlooking enough to get a woman to say yes.

My life is just misery and needs to end. It's like I'm forced to drink my SN. I didn't really want to but there is no other choice.

my life is torture, too. i am too sick to eat, drink, work....i want sn but can't find a source. i may have found one..hoping it's legit

 

[PI3.14]

I see my suicide as a protest against life. Not that I tell u to do the same, but it's how I personally look at it.

 

[candlebøx]

I've been looking for fulltime work for years. I am volunteering part-time to have something on my CV. I tried to go into a different sector but still somewhat related to my degree. I wasn't into it at first but it began to feel like this was my next step. Then today, I got an email that after this 2nd stage, I didn't make it to the 3rd.

I can't work. I can't date like most men these days. I can't have hair. I can't do anything on this fucking planet except wake up every day.

Nothing works. All I can do to change my situation is ration myself food. I love food. But eating prolongs my suffering. I am keeping myself here with every bite. I get why anorexic girls do it: to feel control. Cuz I can't control anything else on this piece of fucking shit planet. I feel like rationing food to myself is a protest. I wish I could protest by not eating at all but that never works.

Is there anything I can do to "spite" life? If I had the money, I would go skydiving often, seen as I can't seem to die. There are people with fulfilling lives, who are loved and needed - they die every day. Yet people like me who are just a walking shitstain won't die young. We're "lifers". I don't want to do anything risky that would end in me becoming paralysed and having an even shittier life. I keep thinking of the Spanish guy here who lept from a height, landed, fucked up his leg and lost the leg. So his life is worse now.

I'm not even asking for a good life. I just want what everyone around me has or if not that, then can't I just die in my sleep? Why do I have to live so long when it's obviously not worth it. I think I cheated death at some point in my life. I wasn't supposed to live this long. That's why nothing works for me. Cuz I fucked the law of physics up by surviving.

The "things that other people have" are just an illusion. Nobody is truly happy, because life, as we have it now, is flawed by design. You will always caught yourself lacking in some way, because all these people at the "top" want you to feel this way. Technology is only working towards multiplying billionare's net worth, not making an average person's life better. Not living anymore will always be the better option.

 

[WeepingWorm]

Nothing, really. You're already a participant of life. "Life" is not a person and it doesn't care what you do. Only person you'd be hurting is yourself, and since you say you don't want a shittier life, then... why would you?

 

[ChildrensITV]

I guess the 'rebelling' bit would be to start enjoying those things/ feeling relieved about them. But, I can understand why you feel you can't. We want what we want.

Personally, I 'rebelled' against the regular 9-5. I'm freelance. To some extent, being single went from feeling sad and bitter to feeling relieved. I look at how many people are in abusive relationships for example.

That's not trying to convince you you need, should or can feel the same. It's just suggesting how the idea of rebelling can empower us.

I suppose I feel like while there's still things people want and, they still have the energy to pursue them- it's still worth trying. Not to say they'll get them of course but then, we can all judge for ourselves the probability of success vs. effort required.

I hope you are rewarded with something more positive soon though.

I'm glad you feel relieved being single. I would love to give my love to a woman, but as you might know, dating is tough these days. Women are flooded with messages from guys so it's hard to stand out.

I wish I worked freelance or from home. No such luck. I have been trying to feel like I am rebelling from working, to see if I can trick the universe into "forcing" me to have a fulltime job. Like, I am trying to pretend I am happy volunteering part-time while applying for fulltime jobs, to see if the universe is like: "oh, you like working part-time, do you? I'll give you a fulltime job to stress over". Cuz it seems that's the relationship I have with this universe. Adversarial.

Honestly, I tried to enjoy life but it seems that life doesn't want to me. So in order to "spite" life, I'm probably going to CTB since I had enough of this bullshit.

"Probably going to..."

Yep. You're in the same boat as me. Not gonna do it soon. I dunno if you're the same as me, but most likely, I will never LOVE life. But I would be willing to live it without CTB if I could have just a few things in my life to bring it up to the level of most people's.

 

[vira]

The "things that other people have" are just an illusion. Nobody is truly happy, because life, as we have it now, is flawed by design. You will always caught yourself lacking in some way, because all these people at the "top" want you to feel this way. Technology is only working towards multiplying billionare's net worth, not making an average person's life better. Not living anymore will always be the better option.

this just gets worse if you have a mood disorder. the worse you crave what the 'happier' people have, the more unfulfilled you feel, and the more you want to feel fulfilled. i doubt you will ever feel mostly/completely happy if that applies to you, which is why accepting what you have, or giving up, will always feel better in the end. you'll always feel like you're the one lacking in the bulk of society, when in reality we all are.

 

[ChildrensITV]

my life is torture, too. i am too sick to eat, drink, work....i want sn but can't find a source. i may have found one..hoping it's legit

I'm sorry that you missed the SN boat back in 2023/4. Warning: once you get SN, things are still hard. Things don't get easy until you've drunk it and you're at the point of no return.

 

[candlebøx]

this just gets worse if you have a mood disorder. the worse you crave what the 'happier' people have, the more unfulfilled you feel, and the more you want to feel fulfilled. i doubt you will ever feel mostly/completely happy if that applies to you, which is why accepting what you have, or giving up, will always feel better in the end. you'll always feel like you're the one lacking in the bulk of society, when in reality we all are.

I feel like "happiness" is the true mental disorder, as it requires you to ignore most things life throws at you. I've seen my share of shit, now i crave only serenity. Peace is the ultimate luxury. Good to see another Lain lover btw.

 

[ChildrensITV]

The "things that other people have" are just an illusion. Nobody is truly happy, because life, as we have it now, is flawed by design. You will always caught yourself lacking in some way, because all these people at the "top" want you to feel this way. Technology is only working towards multiplying billionare's net worth, not making an average person's life better. Not living anymore will always be the better option.

Well, there are a lot of people who "don't realize how unhappy they are" cuz they're too busy travelling, working fun jobs, dating, partying, buying luxury items, marrying, having kids, enjoying sunsets, etc. I'm sure that for you, they're secretly depressed - let's just say, I would prefer their "sadness" to mine.

Seriously. What is this coping mechanism that won't let you admit that some people's lives are better than yours? Do you think being on a suicidal website is normal?

 

[ChildrensITV]

The "things that other people have" are just an illusion. Nobody is truly happy, because life, as we have it now, is flawed by design. You will always caught yourself lacking in some way, because all these people at the "top" want you to feel this way. Technology is only working towards multiplying billionare's net worth, not making an average person's life better. Not living anymore will always be the better option.

Sorry about my last reply. I felt like absolute shit this morning. I could have been a bit more tactful. Apologies.

 

[theboy]

I feel you
You want to play with death

 

[ChildrensITV]

I feel you
You want to play with death

I want to play with it forever.

The sad thing is, as much as I hate life, I would be willing to "serve my time" here if just a FEW things went better for me.

 

[candlebøx]

Well, there are a lot of people who "don't realize how unhappy they are" cuz they're too busy travelling, working fun jobs, dating, partying, buying luxury items, marrying, having kids, enjoying sunsets, etc. I'm sure that for you, they're secretly depressed - let's just say, I would prefer their "sadness" to mine.

Seriously. What is this coping mechanism that won't let you admit that some people's lives are better than yours? Do you think being on a suicidal website is normal?

Brother, you're missing my point entirely. The reason I think myself "competent" enought to talk about this matter in such a way, is because my life, from the exterior, can be considered as "successfull". I have a fiance, remote white collar job, that buys me a 6 yo. Audi and a 2 bathroom apartament near the city center of my country's capital. Last year, I went on vacation three times, during which i stayed mostly in a 5 star hotels. Why is this information valid in such context, you might ask? Because, I don't despise life for personal unfullfilment. I hate it for its overall design - the fact that we're all some kind of slaves to the people "in charge", and your position in the social ladder doesn't really matter in the end. You can try to sweeten it up by consuming "luxury" trash, but it will eventually leave you hollow. I've said many times, why i think having children is immoral. You can always check out my previous posts, if you feel like it. I won't even bother with replying to the dating/partying part, because nowadays it's pure misery fuel. Btw. I do not speak for the whole forum. If you think this site nothing more, than a society of death cultists, maybe you should reconsider beeing its member.