why keep living if………

[starboy2k]

i only feel safe when im rotting under my dark blankets

i only feel confident when taking my clothes off

im only happy when i resort to self pleasure for the umpteenth time in a day

i only gain a sense of optimism when im imagining my suicide

i only feel creative when thinking about and researching my possible methods

i only feel passionate when yelling at myself things I wish I could've said to people in the past

i only feel peace when i sleep

and worst of all……….

i only feel seen and understood on a damn suicide forum

why must I keep going?
I don't want nor need to keep going.