Venting why is it so hard to die

[Aleksandra]

I mean I've suffered enough, my brain really doesn't work anymore after I tried to kill myself twice with carbon monoxide I'm even more of a weirdo. No concentration or memory I should b dead I don't deserve life anymore

i feel you.. even after the helium and exit bag, i have minor brain damage. i cant think as fast and i'm a lot slower than what i was a few days ago

 

[woxihuanni]

i will, i'm giving it about 2-3 days if anything comes up. but i'm sure this will get lost among other posts. so i'll keep looking around

Meanwhile just look around the resources/previous discussion threads. Don't worry, you can make a new thread with a specific question, pm people (soon), etc.

 

[No hope]

i feel you.. even after the helium and exit bag, i have minor brain damage. i cant think as fast and i'm a lot slower than what i was a few days ago

Its awful. I'm going to sleep now, another day of hell 2moro

 

[Aleksandra]

Meanwhile just look around the resources/previous discussion threads. Don't worry, you can make a new thread with a specific question, pm people (soon), etc.

i will, but i made a promise i wouldn't procrastinate this time. i'm in a very sticky situation, my ex doesn't get paid until the 5th and will send some money my way to help buying food and water. i'm not allowed to leave the house for food until 12am and i can't make any noise during the day. because legally my lease ends 17th of september, but my landlord hates me and is forcing me out this week. so all i can do is stay quiet till my ex comes back from poland to move his stuff to his new place. but i don't think i'll be here by the time he's back. but i can't live like this. i'm very hungry and i'm gunna resort in drinking bath water.

Its awful. I'm going to sleep now, another day of hell 2moro

goodnight, if you must and need someone to talk, i'm around for a little bit more i suppose

 

[eve2004]

Dehydration sounds like a terrible method ;)

When you're desperate, you're desperate!

 

[woxihuanni]

When you're desperate, you're desperate!

Ah, glad you showed up again. Was worried about you...

 

[Aleksandra]

just did another research and found someone had died using citric acid mixed with baking soda and a plastic bag. how on earth does that work?

 

[woxihuanni]

just did another research and found someone had died using citric acid mixed with baking soda and a plastic bag. how on earth does that work?

Wow, maybe make a thread about the method? Double check the rules, but I think you can link research (but not companies/shopping sites).

 

[Aleksandra]

Wow, maybe make a thread about the method? Double check the rules, but I think you can link research (but not companies/shopping sites).

yeah i'll check and link the source if allowed

 

[Centerism]

Hey, I hear your pleas. I have been in your situation. I lost my partner quite recently also. He died from a overdose. We were together for 9 years. He was the world to me. I was so list without him fur the first few months he was gone. Slowly the hurt did subside though. Still I feel lost without him. He was the only person that loved me, cared for me, understood me...

Also I faced eviction numerous times. I actually have been evicted twice. I wanted to ctb so bad, I was so afraid of being homeless. But I stood up and toughed it out. I was homeless for months. Back then I didn't know what I know now. You can always go to a local hospital, tell them your suicidal and they will admit you. It's not as bad as it seems. Just tell the doctors what they want to hear and you will soon be out. Butt if you need housing they will help you find somewhere to go. There are group homes, nursing homes (not the kind with old people) and shelters. They're not glamorous but they help people in our situation.

Also I have been through a lot. I was sexually and physically abused as a child by my father. I was outed fur being gay by a leaked video of me using drugs and having very taboo sex. The video made it around social media platforms and some free porn sites. My mother eventually see the video and she along with the rest of my family shunned me. I was threatened, harassed, and jumped three times. There was graffiti of the word fa@#ot written on my house. I mean it was bad. Eventually The heart died down but the hate and disappointment people felt for me exists to this day. My family still won't talk to me and my father is doing life in prison. I also broke my bank and am crippled from that. I have a terminal illness and I live in pain eve second of my life. I'm diagnosed with border line personality disorder, severe depression, situational anxiety and agoraphobia. I can't seem to get right...

Trust me. I know what your going through and I am here for you. No matter what you do, take time to think it through. Please. I've spent 21 years suicidal. It's a daily chore to get through every day but I do it. I have some glimmer of hope. So I do understand you, and I love you for your faults. You can always count on us to help you through your worst of times.

Btw, those pills would take some extreme effort to keep down. And if you did the success rate of an overdose is low, to Stu the least. You will just cause yourself some extreme pain and possible stomach ailments. Please don't do it that way. Find another method of you are set on ctb.

I just want you to know I to cry, a lot. I'm holding back tears now thinking about your predicament.

I could be able to help you if you want. I have money, in willing to travel and I can be of great assistance. I'm not pushing myself on you, in just tying to save a life worth living. Your so young, you doing need to go out yet :)

Pm me and we can talk if you'd like.

Peaceful wishes :)

 

[BangBangBang]

Ja się osobiście zastanawiam nad Beachy Head, nie wiem czy słyszałaś o tym miejscu.
Jest to klif niedaleko Brighton ponad 150m wysokości w najwyższym punkcie + niesamowity widok
Metoda bardzo skuteczna no ale niezbyt przyjemna cóz... coś za coś

 

[Aleksandra]

Ja się osobiście zastanawiam nad Beachy Head, nie wiem czy słyszałaś o tym miejscu.
Jest to klif niedaleko Brighton ponad 150m wysokości w najwyższym punkcie + niesamowity widok
Metoda bardzo skuteczna no ale niezbyt przyjemna cóz... coś za coś

och, mieszkam w Brighton lol

 

[BangBangBang]

och, mieszkam w Brighton lol

Ojej to daleko nie masz w takim razie. Zazdroszczę

 

[oopswronglife]

because legally my lease ends 17th of september, but my landlord hates me and is forcing me out this week.

Not legal. Contact the police if the landlord is doing this. Yes it will be a fight but they cannot do this without repercussions. Just stay calm when talking to them. Don't give them any excuse to look the other way. Put on a game face and do what you have to...powodzenia.

 

[Aleksandra]

Not legal. Contact the police if the landlord is doing this. Yes it will be a fight but they cannot do this without repercussions. Just stay calm when talking to them. Don't give them any excuse to look the other way. Put on a game face and do what you have to...powodzenia.

long story short, he doesn't like me because he thinks i'm a threat to his great granddaughter. whom i never see. all because i attempted suicide once 2 miles away from the house. he found out because my ex came home and asked if her mum called an ambulance. ever since he's threatened to call social services. i don't interact or talk with them yet i'm a threat. might add she's a drug dealer too, which is why they don't like police. my partner managed to milk them out to let me leave this week and not a few weeks before but they make our lives a living hell, so i'm just gunna act like i'm not living here till he gets back, that's if i decide life is worth living. dzięki

 

[oopswronglife]

, which is why they don't like police.

That's a major plus on your side. Stay calm, try to appear as rational and "normal" as possible with the coppers...and his and his families behavior and activities will stack up in your favor in this issue.

 

[Aleksandra]

Ojej to daleko nie masz w takim razie. Zazdroszczę

mieszkasz w polsce?

That's a major plus on your side. Stay calm, try to appear as rational and "normal" as possible with the coppers...and his and his families behavior and activities will stack up in your favor in this issue.

i'm just unsure if it's worth the hassle. i just called my friend after 4 months of isolation i feel a little better now

 

[oopswronglife]

i'm just unsure if it's worth the hassle. i just called my friend after 4 months of isolation i feel a little better now

Glad you feel better in some way. Whenever you are making excuses to yourself not to do something because "its not worth the hassle" remind yourself thats your mind trying to avoid acting. It's almost NEVER the truth. You lose nothing by trying, and might gain. If it doesn't work you are still in the same shit situation and no more dead then than now.

 

[BangBangBang]

mieszkasz w polsce?

Tak. Będę musiała przylecieć.
Stwierdziłam, że jeżeli mam już zeskoczyć to tylko w tak pięknej sceneri a nie na beton czy asfald z widokiem na bloki czy autostradę
Poza Beachy Head zastanawiam się również nad N ale jak już wiemy też różnie to z tym N bywa.

it's so hard to die

 

[Aleksandra]

Tak. Będę musiała przylecieć.
Stwierdziłam, że jeżeli mam już zeskoczyć to tylko w tak pięknej sceneri a nie na beton czy asfald z widokiem na bloki czy autostradę
Poza Beachy Head zastanawiam się również nad N ale jak już wiemy też różnie to z tym N bywa.

it's so hard to die

N jest naprawdę drogi xd sigh

 

[BangBangBang]

N jest naprawdę drogi xd sigh

Niestety. Jedna wypłata w Polsce. I jeszcze nie wiadomo czy nie scam.

 

[Aleksandra]

Niestety. Jedna wypłata w Polsce. I jeszcze nie wiadomo czy nie scam.

well... masz broń w polsce i guess haha
@BangBangBang wiesz, to forum przypomina mi o sala samobójców haha

 

[eve2004]

Glad you feel better in some way. Whenever you are making excuses to yourself not to do something because "its not worth the hassle" remind yourself thats your mind trying to avoid acting. It's almost NEVER the truth. You lose nothing by trying, and might gain. If it doesn't work you are still in the same shit situation and no more dead then than now.

I'd like to add that planning and executing a CTB is much more of a hassle and the consequences of failure can be way worse than simply being no further ahead... so there is no bigger hassle than CTB until you decide and know it is the right time ans choice. Anything else is worth a try if there's nothing to lose... Motivation is usually the main issue, use this forum and everyone here who will encourage you to keep on trying despite the feelings of hopelessness ans helplessness.

 

[Aleksandra]

I'd like to add that planning and executing a CTB is much more of a hassle and the consequences of failure can be way worse than simply being no further ahead... so there is no bigger hassle than CTB until you decide and know it is the right time ans choice. Anything else is worth a try if there's nothing to lose... Motivation is usually the main issue, use this forum and everyone here who will encourage you to keep on trying despite the feelings of hopelessness ans helplessness.

too much hassle as in, i'll make my life a living hell more than it already is by calling the police, two drug dealers in the family and i overhear about people who have been beaten up over telling police info, i'm too anxious and everytime i speak to the police it never works nicely for me. my last rape incident i was blamed and they said it was my own fault for being out so late alone. when i was out because i used to work twilight hours