Venting Why is it so difficult to find a good therapist?

[HorfPill]

I've been stuck in a depressive spiral for the past year, and each month it just seems to get worse.
I'm more than eager to start therapy, so I can start unpacking issues formed in my developmental years, get nuanced advice on specific symptoms, and maybe learn something about myself.
But it seems like every time I try a new therapist, they're young, they don't have much experience/education (at least I'm assuming), and they respond to everything with the same formula of letting me know that I'm heard/repeating what I said in other words, expressing empathy/sympathy, and then asking me how I felt and how I dealt with it. Like I don't need you to tell me "Oh, that must've been so hard :(" Like yeah, I was there.
I discussed this with my psychiatrist, and she said she'll put through a referral in the university's healthcare channels, which is the largest/most prestigious industry in my city. But so far, I haven't heard anything, even though it's been months.
I know its cliche, and it shows that I'm definitely taking away the *wrong* lessons from the show, but ever since I started it, I've wanted a therapist like Dr. Melfi from The Sopranos. Somebody who's confident, well educated, and knows how to get their client talking. Obviously there are flaws with her approach, and a lot of the time she's just indulging Tony. But at the moment, she's the only image of a competent therapist I can conjure in my mind. I feel like it's been so long without proper help.

 

[Rouge4000]

I've always wanted the same therapist brother. But therapy in the real world? It's a scam I tried 13 different ones at least in my entire life time and they ether moved to another company didn't understand me or just brushed off my emotions as bs my last one talked shit with my mother about me I come from a bloodline of deadbeats and disgusting feminist and my mother found my therapist socials and they had a hour and a half conversation just talking shit about me

 

[chuckapalahniuk27]

i've had a similar experience with therapy. i think a lot of them straight up aren't trained for anything beyond surface level problems. i'm sure a good match for you is out there, you just have to sift through the ones you're incompatible with, as annoying as that is.

i used to qualify for a program that allowed for a case worker along with a normal therapist, who would come to my house to talk to me. the case workers always seemed better informed and more invested in my treatment than any of my therapists, maybe because we had more time to meet and weren't in an office. they were also still able to diagnose me/assess my symptoms and offer resources if i needed them. you could try looking into something like that? i hope you get the help you need.
(also, i love the sopranos lol)

 

[voc_89]

Sopranos was the best. In terms of while the mc issues weren't 'world ending' (shit he had a bad upringing... shit mom and dad... but u could pull it together... once u became varsity lol) he had a GREAT therapist. Idk if people like us will get that cause we are extremes. And most professions are prepared for but never really face extremes. Keep trying. I hope u one day meet that one who can handle your pain indiscriminately

 

[piger]

I've been stuck in a depressive spiral for the past year, and each month it just seems to get worse.
I'm more than eager to start therapy, so I can start unpacking issues formed in my developmental years, get nuanced advice on specific symptoms, and maybe learn something about myself.
But it seems like every time I try a new therapist, they're young, they don't have much experience/education (at least I'm assuming), and they respond to everything with the same formula of letting me know that I'm heard/repeating what I said in other words, expressing empathy/sympathy, and then asking me how I felt and how I dealt with it. Like I don't need you to tell me "Oh, that must've been so hard :(" Like yeah, I was there.
I discussed this with my psychiatrist, and she said she'll put through a referral in the university's healthcare channels, which is the largest/most prestigious industry in my city. But so far, I haven't heard anything, even though it's been months.
I know its cliche, and it shows that I'm definitely taking away the *wrong* lessons from the show, but ever since I started it, I've wanted a therapist like Dr. Melfi from The Sopranos. Somebody who's confident, well educated, and knows how to get their client talking. Obviously there are flaws with her approach, and a lot of the time she's just indulging Tony. But at the moment, she's the only image of a competent therapist I can conjure in my mind. I feel like it's been so long without proper help.

I'm in this field, most training has them disassociate and talk in certain ways because its "the most effective" or neutral. There's no training that will make them a good conversationalist, nor get hindsight of having shitty experiences to at least be able to be real with a client. in my experience its really demoralizing to not be able to get hard people to talk or feel understood, but many therapists may get into the mindset that they'll just be able to move on and its the client's fault. Turnover and burnout comes very easily and new therapists have to scrape by or deal with large caseloads sometimes where they did not before.

 

[HorfPill]

I'm in this field, most training has them disassociate and talk in certain ways because its "the most effective" or neutral. There's no training that will make them a good conversationalist, nor get hindsight of having shitty experiences to at least be able to be real with a client. in my experience its really demoralizing to not be able to get hard people to talk or feel understood, but many therapists may get into the mindset that they'll just be able to move on and its the client's fault.

Very interesting insight, thank you for sharing!