Why is ctb harder the older I get?

[Weebster]

Early 20s was the time. But I thought I should wait til my 30s. My 20s ended up being painful and now I'm a shell. I've improved some but the pain has increased too.

 

[Red Scare]

I'm the same age, and I don't know. I think after a while people just become so numb to life's bullshit that they become complacent or just accept its a part of life. Maybe they have enough good things still in their life, things aren't so bad that they are actively considering suicide.

Maybe it's the same for you, and you have not hit that low or rock bottom where you are ready to go through with it. I think for most of us, we're just waiting for things to get bad enough. The people who go through with it either do so on impulse, or they have just reached the end of their threshold of patience for dealing with life's bs and they see no redeeming qualities left in living out the rest of their life.

 

[Starinsky]

They say as long as you are young .you dumb and no fear of death as you grow up its more painfull

 

[Al Cappella]

I heard a joke once, it wasn't said in a set-up joke sort of way, and I can't remember for the life of me where or when I heard it, but it went "the older I get, the less of me there is to kill". It always stuck with me…

 

[gianni rage]

I I started to answer this, then deleted my reply I am a writer, and I am now middle aged. I have spent most of my life wanting to die
Over the last 10 years, the question you ask has been something I have ruminated on more and more intensely, probably every day…

So when I saw this heading, I eagerly reached back into one of my mental folders for the appropriate words.

But then I deleted it.Why?

Because the scant handful of times I have either posted here, or replied to someone, while some members are very appreciative, there's always somebody, SOMEBODY, who honed in to make a particular point about how I "Use too many words" or that "They don't feel like going to look for a dictionary "…

One member informed me that I used "way too many words" with a reply that was wordier than anything in my post.

As I say above, most members who read the words were positive, but there was always someone who felt motivated enough to be critical.

I am not an over-sensitive individual.
It was incredibly demoralizing

The only reason why I am posting this comment is because I saw the heading, and, as I say, it interested me.

Then I remembered those earlier attempts.

It makes me very sad. And I feel like there is nowhere to go but in my head, Because people seem to "just do not have the time".

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

As someone mentioned, and I concur, in my case, I've adapted to this miserable condition. I don't want to live but ending things requires so much effort.

 

[Istanbulite]

Cuz you get used to the feeling of being alive

 

[CowsAreCool]

This is my very anxiety. I'm in my early twneties, and I feel I am out of time. I gotta either CTB or improve my life, but in no case can I just wait it out.

It's easy to CTB in your youth. You're impulsive and hormonal. When you get older, the misery is still there, but the forces that push you over the edge aren't. It takes a lot of energy to CTB.

If your life improves, you'll be thankful you held out.

 

[lili]

I think the majority of suicide attempts I did in my early to mid 20s. I feel maybe because I was more impulsive.

Now I think I've been through the consequences of failing the attempts too many times. I feel I've been to the emergency room and hospitalized too many. Additionally, I did experience a short period of three years were I wasn't suicidal after being suicidal for so long.

I think the fear of the hospital makes me think things through a lot more, knowing that if I fail I'll have to go to the emergency room immediately if I do SN. I think it's ironic because I feel so depressed, but in a way I'm so deeply tired of it all, that I feel too tired to even consider going to the emergency room if it fails.

 

[Graytaichi]

I heard a joke once, it wasn't said in a set-up joke sort of way, and I can't remember for the life of me where or when I heard it, but it went "the older I get, the less of me there is to kill". It always stuck with me…

I dont get the joke its not funny at all

 

[Insomniac]

Early 20s was the time. But I thought I should wait til my 30s. My 20s ended up being painful and now I'm a shell. I've improved some but the pain has increased too.

irrelevant but do you have a descent job?

the older I get, the less of me there is to kill".

beautiful.

 

[wljourney]

I think the majority of suicide attempts I did in my early to mid 20s. I feel maybe because I was more impulsive.

Now I think I've been through the consequences of failing the attempts too many times. I feel I've been to the emergency room and hospitalized too many. Additionally, I did experience a short period of three years were I wasn't suicidal after being suicidal for so long.

I think the fear of the hospital makes me think things through a lot more, knowing that if I fail I'll have to go to the emergency room immediately if I do SN. I think it's ironic because I feel so depressed, but in a way I'm so deeply tired of it all, that I feel too tired to even consider going to the emergency room if it fails.

I can so very much relate to this.

Many attempts, never successful, the last one severely injured my shoulder and showed me how hard it is to actually die and how easy it is to get disabled ("end up a vegetable").

I am not grateful or happy that it didn't work. Never was. But I am now more careful and deliberate in what method I choose.

The urgency from acting immediately is mostly gone. It comes and goes. But I never want to end up in the ER or psych ward or worst case: long term care.

So, I try to get through each day, one day at a time, while preparing for a fail safe exit. Just knowing that it's "available" makes life better overall.

I heard a joke once, it wasn't said in a set-up joke sort of way, and I can't remember for the life of me where or when I heard it, but it went "the older I get, the less of me there is to kill". It always stuck with me…

It's funny because it's true.
The more life takes out of you, the less there seems to be worth killing.
Very profound really.

 

[Weebster]

This is my very anxiety. I'm in my early twneties, and I feel I am out of time. I gotta either CTB or improve my life, but in no case can I just wait it out.

It's easy to CTB in your youth. You're impulsive and hormonal. When you get older, the misery is still there, but the forces that push you over the edge aren't. It takes a lot of energy to CTB.

If your life improves, you'll be thankful you held out.

It's been 10 yrs. I've improved a lot but my troubles have gotten much worse as well. I hate how resilient I am

I dont get the joke its not funny at all

I get it but it's more fucked up than anything.

irrelevant but do you have a descent job?


beautiful.

Lol how is it irrelevant? No I'm on disability

 

[FuneralCry]

It is very difficult to exit this world, and maybe as people get older they get more tired and they lack the desperation to make plans to ctb and leave this world. I never want to reach an old age, I am already so tired of living now and at this point I have suffered enough. To me, the thought of getting older is horrifying as things can only get worse for me.

 

[Red Scare]

"the older I get, the less of me there is to kill".

The older I get, I feel like a husk, a shell of the person I used to be in my youth. It's true, there is less of me to kill. Almost makes it easier to ctb.

 

[Al Cappella]

The older I get, I feel like a husk, a shell of the person I used to be in my youth. It's true, there is less of me to kill. Almost makes it easier to ctb.

In many ways it does, we're just more susceptible to harm now…

 

[BrokenBliss]

I I started to answer this, then deleted my reply I am a writer, and I am now middle aged. I have spent most of my life wanting to die
Over the last 10 years, the question you ask has been something I have ruminated on more and more intensely, probably every day…

So when I saw this heading, I eagerly reached back into one of my mental folders for the appropriate words.

But then I deleted it.Why?

Because the scant handful of times I have either posted here, or replied to someone, while some members are very appreciative, there's always somebody, SOMEBODY, who honed in to make a particular point about how I "Use too many words" or that "They don't feel like going to look for a dictionary "…

One member informed me that I used "way too many words" with a reply that was wordier than anything in my post.

As I say above, most members who read the words were positive, but there was always someone who felt motivated enough to be critical.

I am not an over-sensitive individual.
It was incredibly demoralizing

The only reason why I am posting this comment is because I saw the heading, and, as I say, it interested me.

Then I remembered those earlier attempts.

It makes me very sad. And I feel like there is nowhere to go but in my head, Because people seem to "just do not have the time".

You'd be surprised. I think if you have something to say, you should feel free to say it. Ignore the critics. They're just rude. There are plenty here who would support your feelings.

 

[ornitier199]

It's not, rather you can endure the pain that comes with it/fight the SI.

 

[summers]

You can't really say it's harder to kill yourself as you get older. You didn't kill yourself when you were younger, so you don't actually have anything to compare the si to.

Maybe you mean less things make you want to ctb as you get older. That's just you being more patient.

 

[NoLightRemains]

I think for me, having a few year period where I wasn't actively suicidal makes it harder to CTB. I know that is likely my suffering will not always be this bad. But every time my suicidal ideation returns, it just takes more out of me and I want to be here even less.
Catching the bus feels like an overdue appointment, but one I keep postponing for various reasons.