Venting Lost in my thoughts, debating ctb

[musie]

My boyfriend of 4, almost 5 years and I went long distance this year. He's not going to be back for another year or maybe even longer. I've noticed him being increasingly more distant. What upsets me the most is that I always inquire about his day and how he's feeling, yet he never asks me about mine. It feels one-sided, like he doesn't care about me. He's the only person I have to talk to, so I've been lost in my thoughts. I haven't had a good day in a while. I feel like life isn't worth living anymore. What's the point? I've been thinking, maybe I should ctb while my boyfriend is still away, while he's more distant than ever. I love him and I don't want him to hurt, even if he hurts me. I was planning to ctb regardless, so maybe now is a good time. I have no idea, though, and I don't even know what a good method would be. Even though I'm suicidal, I'm incredibly scared of death.

 

[RoseGirl]

:c
This post is so so real... Tbh.. No matter what your probably gonna end up traumatizing ur bf. I guess it might dampen the guilt for him if he was away. Since if u don't say anything there's nothing he could of done to stop it.

As for methods it's best not to try and of the non methods uhm listed here. https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/non-methods-that-should-not-be-attempted.177799/unread
It's super tempting to try them but they just don't work super well.

Uhm imo generally when ur scared of death it probably means ur still bound to this world. Or it's just survival instinct. I have to wonder with jumping if u could just pretend that ur hopping over a fence to avoid it... Uhm I'm getting side tracked.

Uhm i really hope that ur able to work things out tho. Pls take care