Venting Rushing things out?

[other-ghost]

I'm 21. 22 very soon. People keep saying your 20s are when life "begins", but it feels like a slap in the face. I know im young. My brain gets it. But i've already wanted out since 16—planned it, prepped it, wrote the notes. Attempted at 18 and 20, failed. Now these posts make me doubt: Is 21 too soon to call it quits? Am i rushing? Should i gamble on this "hope" they're selling?

Here's the thing. i don't feel like my life's just starting. I feel like i'm gluing shards of myself together every damn day. At 18, i thought things would change. They didn't. Seeked tons of professional help, didn't help like the name suggests. Now everyone says "wait, it gets better" but how long do i wait? How do i trust that? Part of me wants to say "You don't know how heavy it is to stay." Another tiny part whispers, But what if they're right?

And.. the worst part. I hate that i'm even considering their optimism. I hate this.

I'm sorry, this is just a stupid vent of mine that kept seeing posts of adults laughing at people in their 20s. It was really a For You Page lol.

 

[getoutgirl]

Not stupid at all. Been there... rather am there. Suicidal for years, starting in my late teens too. Had my close calls. Had the people saying "just wait around and see" even though nobody says that when there is a fire going on (some people don't seem to even see that fire) so its mighty fine and silly young person thoughts to them. It's not. It's rough.

I also have that part of me that clings to hope and their words. It really feels like a gamble, only in a casino that's actively torturing you. And it takes its sweet time.
I've read of people saying life only got good for them nearing their 30's. Right now I'm holding on to that with sheer stupidity and desperation. For how long, no idea. My plan is to strap myself in and see for how long more I can take on the G's. I know it won't come on its own, but maybe at some point the brain clicks out of some stuff. I repeat, I have no idea. But I related deeply to all you said and I'm sorry you are going through it. It deserves your hate. Lots of hugs at ya <333

 

[other-ghost]

Not stupid at all. Been there... rather am there. Suicidal for years, starting in my late teens too. Had my close calls. Had the people saying "just wait around and see" even though nobody says that when there is a fire going on (some people don't seem to even see that fire) so its mighty fine and silly young person thoughts to them. It's not. It's rough.

I also have that part of me that clings to hope and their words. It really feels like a gamble, only in a casino that's actively torturing you. And it takes its sweet time.
I've read of people saying life only got good for them nearing their 30's. Right now I'm holding on to that with sheer stupidity and desperation. For how long, no idea. My plan is to strap myself in and see for how long more I can take on the G's. I know it won't come on its own, but maybe at some point the brain clicks out of some stuff. I repeat, I have no idea. But I related deeply to all you said and I'm sorry you are going through it. It deserves your hate. Lots of hugs at ya <333

Casino torture is painfully spot on. Hate that you're strapped into this ride too, but it helps to know someone else gets how it feels. The 'wait and see' advice feels like being handed a bandaid while your guts are on the floor. like, thanks.. i guess?

I'm torn between wanting to scream at the '30s might fix it' crowd (what if it doesn't? what if we're just here, older and still shattered?) and clinging to that sliver of desperation.

Thanks for not ignoring how hard it is, and thank you for your reply.. lots of hugs to u as well♡

 

[getoutgirl]

Yup, worst thing is that crowd May be right. But they shouldn't have the right to be right, because they can't know, they don't see the future, so they really are just throwing you a cheap nothing bandaid. Death in contrast sounds so simple and certain. That's its allure against that life uncertainty. That + an end to the pain you'd have to endure while you wait and see if your life does indeed get better or not sometime.
It's awful. But I am choosing to cling on, for whatever reason, but definetly not becasue they are telling me to. Here is hoping it gets easier for us :)