Why I Have Come To CTB

[huffyhenry]

Just after I turned 16 in 2004, my father shot himself after showing no discernible signs of depression. Very recently I discovered through a family member that he was trying to divorce my abusive mother and she threatened that he would never see me or my brothers again if he filed for divorce, also my father left a note and letter detailing exactly where he was going and that he was going to kill himself. My mother found it in the morning, ripped up the notes, and did not report it to the police until 10pm that night, effectively assuring his death.

This news shattered my entire world. It was like experiencing it all over again and I essentially had a nervous breakdown.

Shortly thereafter my fiance left me, as she could not handle my mental breakdown and subsequent depression.

When I thought it couldn't get worse, I lost my entire life savings (over half a million) when I attempted to mail it to a friend on a usb drive in bitcoin, thinking I would be dead soon anyway, and he accidentally wiped it, erasing everything.

I have struggled with depression for well over a decade, and everything has crumbled to dust in a matter of months, leaving me with genuinely no options.

Even if I wasn't facing eviction and running out of food, the emotional and existential pain is unbearable.

I intend to go via partial, with padding over my carotid arteries. I will attempt to go tonight. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Stan]

I am so sorry for your pain. I have not researched but if you go to the Resources part of the forum, go down to the books section and the Peaceful Pill, there is a video from the author talking through it. Using the search button on the top right of the screen will take you to a number of posts on the method.

I can only wish you luck in what you do and that it leads you to the peace that you are looking for. My hopes and thoughts are with you

 

[huffyhenry]

I am so sorry for your pain. I have not researched but if you go to the Resources part of the forum, go down to the books section and the Peaceful Pill, there is a video from the author talking through it. Using the search button on the top right of the screen will take you to a number of posts on the method.

I can only wish you luck in what you do and that it leads you to the peace that you are looking for. My hopes and thoughts are with you

Thank you. I believe I've found the artery locations thanks to this.

 

[Tom9999]

I'm very sorry all that happened to you and that you have suffered so much because of it.

I hope whatever path you choose next improves things for you.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

If you aren't around anymore, I hope that you found peace. Sorry for everything you had to do through that brought you to this.

 

[TAW122]

That is indeed a rough life and I'm sorry to hear for all the suffering you went through. If you are going through with the attempt, then I wish you peace and an end to your suffering.