Venting Why haven’t you done it yet?

[Spite]

Scared of surviving my suicide attempt. Scared of hurting my wife and family.
False hope. I keep deluding myself thinking things will get better.

 

[Aflame5926]

planning. i plan this things ahead.

near the end of the year is my goal.

 

[Cyaneed]

Because my body is way too strong, despite all my self destructive intentions.

 

[AgnesTachyon]

i don't have easily accessible methods, besides overdosing ...and what stops me of trying to overdose again and again until i get lucky is my emetophobia ...this is hell.​

 

[boilingfishcakes]

I don't have a reliable method that is accessible to me. If I failed a suicide attempt, I'd get stuck with a 50k hospital bill that my husband is going to stress over. Failing is embarrassing as well.

 

[Kokonoe]

i keep failing. SI is a large factor. i don't have reliable methods, even less so after failing my fsh attempt a while ago. lots of things got taken away from me. it's either pray psh or night night works, which is doubtful, or figure out by some miracle some way i can acquire something that will support my weight (not hard because i'm light, but the only ropes i could get have a load limit of like 70lbs., so i don't trust them..), but also find a way to reach an anchor point after losing every ladder and stepstool i had. or find a differsnt anchor point, probably outside somewhere, which is very risky. or i can try jumping again, but i already got caught doing that once so i'm afraid to go back, plus i doubt i can overcome SI. and the height is barely enough to kill me so i'm scared it will fail.
it's also a matter of unpredictable schedules and that's out of my control. i live alone, but my family often shows up and will stay for days at a time, and i'll only get like a 1 hour heads up...so it's hard to ctb when i can't have predictable and reliable time to do so. there's also cameras around all the entrances in my house, so ordering anything or buying stuff and bringing it home is difficult. i wish ctbing wasn't so hard. i want to die already so badly. i just have to hope i luck out with psh or night night and it finally works at some point.

 

[glided~hydrangea]

There are no ways for a person like me to succeed.

I'm 26 and I can't drive, and I haven't worked in 5 years. I was married, but I'm in the middle of getting divorced which means I'm about to lose my insurance. Too bad my tooth just began hurting too… My ex has been kind enough to let me stay where she lives in the basement until next year, and then I need to be out. But I live in the Midwest America, and I can't drive, nor do I have a car if I could. I don't have a job because there's no way I can get to most jobs.

I don't know how people did it back in the times of like the Great Depression. What kept them going? And what has failed to keep so many of us going? What is the fundamental difference? Is it brain chemistry? Some of us were set up for failure. It is genuinely a fluke that I even got this far. All things considered, I shouldn't have.

Even with people who care about me, and someone who seems to love me, and I love them, it feels like I will never be able to accomplish the basic things in life, and therefore, I should just die. I mean, it's not like I'm doing anything for society. Humans always move on.

I'm in high positions in extra curricular activities at uni and I worked hard to get here but I don't want any of it at all.