Venting Why haven’t you done it yet?

[Spite]

Scared of surviving my suicide attempt. Scared of hurting my wife and family.
False hope. I keep deluding myself thinking things will get better.

 

[Aflame5926]

planning. i plan this things ahead.

near the end of the year is my goal.

 

[Cyaneed]

Because my body is way too strong, despite all my self destructive intentions.

 

[AgnesTachyon]

i don't have easily accessible methods, besides overdosing ...and what stops me of trying to overdose again and again until i get lucky is my emetophobia ...this is hell.​

 

[boilingfishcakes]

I don't have a reliable method that is accessible to me. If I failed a suicide attempt, I'd get stuck with a 50k hospital bill that my husband is going to stress over. Failing is embarrassing as well.

 

[Kokonoe]

i keep failing. SI is a large factor. i don't have reliable methods, even less so after failing my fsh attempt a while ago. lots of things got taken away from me. it's either pray psh or night night works, which is doubtful, or figure out by some miracle some way i can acquire something that will support my weight (not hard because i'm light, but the only ropes i could get have a load limit of like 70lbs., so i don't trust them..), but also find a way to reach an anchor point after losing every ladder and stepstool i had. or find a differsnt anchor point, probably outside somewhere, which is very risky. or i can try jumping again, but i already got caught doing that once so i'm afraid to go back, plus i doubt i can overcome SI. and the height is barely enough to kill me so i'm scared it will fail.
it's also a matter of unpredictable schedules and that's out of my control. i live alone, but my family often shows up and will stay for days at a time, and i'll only get like a 1 hour heads up...so it's hard to ctb when i can't have predictable and reliable time to do so. there's also cameras around all the entrances in my house, so ordering anything or buying stuff and bringing it home is difficult. i wish ctbing wasn't so hard. i want to die already so badly. i just have to hope i luck out with psh or night night and it finally works at some point.

 

[glided~hydrangea]

There are no ways for a person like me to succeed.

I'm 26 and I can't drive, and I haven't worked in 5 years. I was married, but I'm in the middle of getting divorced which means I'm about to lose my insurance. Too bad my tooth just began hurting too… My ex has been kind enough to let me stay where she lives in the basement until next year, and then I need to be out. But I live in the Midwest America, and I can't drive, nor do I have a car if I could. I don't have a job because there's no way I can get to most jobs.

I don't know how people did it back in the times of like the Great Depression. What kept them going? And what has failed to keep so many of us going? What is the fundamental difference? Is it brain chemistry? Some of us were set up for failure. It is genuinely a fluke that I even got this far. All things considered, I shouldn't have.

Even with people who care about me, and someone who seems to love me, and I love them, it feels like I will never be able to accomplish the basic things in life, and therefore, I should just die. I mean, it's not like I'm doing anything for society. Humans always move on.

I'm in high positions in extra curricular activities at uni and I worked hard to get here but I don't want any of it at all.

 

[Pulse9477]

Haven't found a viable SN source.

 

[justasmalltowngirl6]

my girlfriend would be devastated if i died. no matter how bad the pain gets that and my SI are what keep me around. i hope i can build up the courage to ctb one day.

 

[Bitter Almonds]

Fear. I want to do it, but I'm scared of failing, and I'm scared of what comes next if I fail OR if I live. Afterlife considerations scare me. quantum immortality scares me. neoplatonic ideas scare me.

I struggle with uncertainty more than anything else. I'm wanting nothing more than to change the past or see the future.

I am so incredibly tired. I want to spend all the money I have left and then die. let my mom get my life insurance and sell all my shit and hopefully not ctb herself.

 

[pk@2001]

Haven't tried till yet, but yeah probably living this place by the end of this year

 

[KatalinaKrimson]

Guilt, survival instinct
Maybe when my sn comes in the mail I can finally ctb. I finally ordered some yesterday.
Maybe when my sn comes in the mail I can finally ctb. I finally ordered some yesterday.

 

[DarkFriend.]

My hologram in space will ideally end by my own hand, but I oft think that perhaps there are yet mysteries, be they of thought or adventure, to uncover.

 

[Canto XIII]

I'm gonna do it! ... after another little bit of doomscrolling

 

[MakinItHappen111]

There are no ways for a person like me to succeed.

I'm 26 and I can't drive, and I haven't worked in 5 years. I was married, but I'm in the middle of getting divorced which means I'm about to lose my insurance. Too bad my tooth just began hurting too… My ex has been kind enough to let me stay where she lives in the basement until next year, and then I need to be out. But I live in the Midwest America, and I can't drive, nor do I have a car if I could. I don't have a job because there's no way I can get to most jobs.

I don't know how people did it back in the times of like the Great Depression. What kept them going? And what has failed to keep so many of us going? What is the fundamental difference? Is it brain chemistry? Some of us were set up for failure. It is genuinely a fluke that I even got this far. All things considered, I shouldn't have.

Even with people who care about me, and someone who seems to love me, and I love them, it feels like I will never be able to accomplish the basic things in life, and therefore, I should just die. I mean, it's not like I'm doing anything for society. Humans always move on.

now that i don't believe in god, ill probably commit soon.

 

[icanjustdoit]

Procrastination and fear of pain. Every morning I think of it but I can't. I just don't have the courage or strength. If someone would just shoot me in the head I would be grateful.

 

[tiramisu]

i will do it very soon.

 

[itsgone2]

Purely SI. Have a method, timeframe, right conditions, etc. but still can't go through with it. Only seem to delay it even if I have no hope

Same here. Every day is misery. It will never change. Only SI remains. It will lose one day

 

[Pangs93]

My cat and a hefty dose of guilt about what it'll do to my loved ones. Especially the kids. Part of me wants to wait until they're all adults so its not quite as traumatising for them. Not too much longer now since they're all teens now. My cat is also old (15) so likely she'll die before or around the same time the last nibling reaches adulthood and then I'll be free.

 

[Busridin'26]

I dunno how anymore. From the financial to access to the ability to overcome survival instincts...

Ik I wanna die but despite yrs of info gathering I aint got much to show fpr ot bc im completely lost.

& being also lost in life im losing stamina for it all. Just stuck as hell.

 

[release_me]

Incurable inertia - no will to live no courage to die, total abject failed lump of humanity.

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Other people. I love my family. I think those who survived the Great Depression had that same spirit too. They see their kids, they see their aging parents, etc. and thought, "well shit I can't just disappear now"

We had Great Depression recipes and I think that says a lot. Even in such a state, people were still making food for themselves and others. They could just die but they didn't and I think that's beautiful.

 

[spacefreightergirl]

There's someone I can't inconvenience with my death

 

[hughmun9]

I keep having second thoughts. I go back and forth on it a lot. I think I would be disappointed in myself if I did it since I'm leaving a lot of potential on the table. But I don't understand the meaning of fucking anything at all anymore.

 

[meowpuppy]

aside from my lack of means, it sounds silly, but i'd like to have more fun before i go, since this is supposed to be one of the fun times of my life. also, i have plenty of books to read, but that will of course never change. i haven't had a bad day in a while

 

[ghostingyou]

i still have to sort things out before i ctb so i don't burden the people around me even more than i already do haha.

i have to clean my room and donate so much stuff so my family doesn't have to deal with it. i have to make sure my pets go to a good loving home (or at least have their food & care supplies in bulk if my family were to continue taking care of them). i gotta save my money so my family can use that for whatever funeral stuff.

i guess i'm still waiting for the perfect time, the perfect date for me to end it. i don't want it to be too close to my parents or my girlfriend's birthday, it would just make it worse for them. kinda thinking of doing it on new year's so i don't have to go through the next year suffering through this again.

 

[GoldenTicket]

If I had the SN I'd do it right now, I can't wait to go, I'm ready. Hanging is affordable but the method scares the shit out of me, so the wait game it is

 

[itsgone2]

If I had the SN I'd do it right now, I can't wait to go, I'm ready. Hanging is affordable but the method scares the shit out of me, so the wait game it is

I fear any method has SI. I finally purchased a gun yesterday, after months of wanting fsh. It's just one day but i couldn't do it.
I'm also slightly in a state of disbelief. Even after ten months of anxiety and trauma. Knowing it's the only way out. I still wish this was some nightmare to wake from.

 

[hdead]

I fear any method has SI. I finally purchased a gun yesterday, after months of wanting fsh. It's just one day but i couldn't do it.
I'm also slightly in a state of disbelief. Even after ten months of anxiety and trauma. Knowing it's the only way out. I still wish this was some nightmare to wake from.

I agree wholeheartedly. For me it also feels like a waiting game.

I've spent my chances, and there's really no realistic road to recovery for me left. I already felt life was quite meaningless and tried to have all the fun I could - but it was never enough.

Now, it's withering away until I can't bare it anymore.

 

[UnknownGuy69]

Disgustingly high SI and somewhat fear of pain