Discussion Why haven’t you CTB?

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Honestly, for me I think it's because I lack an easy painless way combined with I feel bad knowing that it's going to cause so much hurt to my family. I'll miss my family and dogs. I'm also scared of the possibilities that lay on the other side of death.

But with that being said I still actively seek death and most likely will die by ctb.

I'm curious on how it is / why it is for you guys

 

[hoping to lose hope]

Have everything I need but that courage and impulse to just get what is coming over and done with.
In a way it makes little sense to fear death as we die anyway

 

[yive]

just waiting for the right mood to do it

 

[Thrash]

There's still a little bit of fight in me its enough to keep me alive right now but in a couple months I believe I will just finally give in. Honestly what's after death is crazy to think about as well and I still can't fully wrap my head around it.

 

[HenryHobkins]

I am scared

 

[BRAINWORMS]

My parents. They don't deserve that pain.

Also, the thought of whatever comes after, whether it's an afterlife, some kind of indescribable energy pool, or light's out.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

Too chicken, and I also just kind of want to see the end. Like when you're on the couch and you've eaten way too many Oreos and know the rest of the film you're watching will be boring and shitty, but you decide to stick it out anyway.

 

[JustABunchOfAtoms]

My main reason is that I'm in hospital. If I wasn't I would have ordered SN or tried hanging

 

[Studio84]

The biggest reason is the pain it would cause my parents and I'm also slightly afraid sn isnt all that peaceful

 

[Nicebuddimtim]

Huge guilt I've been given so much my family have tried so hard to help and I feel bad but also staying here is making me feel bad so I guess I'm pushing myself to breaking point. I know it's not far away just need some more time for it to be right

 

[ecmnesia]

my family and lack of privacy to do it.

 

[almamuerta]

A mixture of prideful vanity (I've overcome every fucking obstacle in my life, I can beat this) and no easy methods at hand that won't leave a mess behind.

Plus if my brain does want me to ctb, it can do it itself the lazy fuck.

 

[AutoTap]

My parents. They don't deserve that pain.

Also, the thought of whatever comes after, whether it's an afterlife, some kind of indescribable energy pool, or light's out.

Yeh I'm in a very similar situation. I wish us both the best :)

 

[Deleted member 23586]

My brother mostly

 

[Nephthys22]

1. Afraid that I will mess it up and that I will end up as a vegetable, and that my husband would leave me in that state out of spite.
2. Afraid I might succeed and that there is some sort of divine retribution for taking your own life.
3. Reincarnation. If we get reincarnated, I am going to be really pissed. There is nothing that states that we won't come back to an even worse life than the one we decided to end.
4. I think I still have some hope, ...some hope that everything will turn out okay. But I honestly think that is Disney ending brain washing.

 

[next-season .?]

im 100 /100 sure if my family had a gun i whould be dead 2018 all these 3 years just because there is no simple way to go

 

[Unlucky Self]

I tried hanging many times in March but only got to faint three times in which I somehow woke up during syncope thrashing and aborted impulsively. Staff in the group home eventually found out (I had rope marks) and sent me to a mental hospital. I lied my out; as I had learned from past experiences, the road to discharge is paved with hypocrisy. I like to be honest, but honesty in such places never takes me anywhere but backwards. Now I just moved out to an apartment where I have total privacy. In March I tried different ropes and found this one to be the best (most comfortable and quickest to tighten). Next month I'll CTB. I'm getting a pull-up bar to tie the rope on. I've spent the past four years recovering from my failed self-immolation suicide attempt and patiently waiting for another chance to get it right. It will be perfect.

 

[AnOrangeDonut]

I tried (and evidently failed once) and now its because I promised the person I love most in the world that I would at least try finding a coping mechanism before I just give up. but im slowly reaching the point where I dont care anymore. But also if i take a whole bottle of my pills that seems to work for now

 

[goodbyebunny]

I thought maybe there'd be a chance that my life would improve, but I guess not... I think I'm just waiting for enough bad situations to happen in tandem for me to really commit to ending my life. When it's just one or two, the annoying part inside myself that clings to hope, always tries to stop me.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

At the moment I have no idea. Trust me the urge is always there. Grab gun and go. I'm over everything I've been dealing with and have dealt with. Part of it might be because Christmas is coming up

 

[Amumu]

My little sister would follow me

 

[InterstateFlowers]

My family, I love them too much and their hugs but one day I still want to leave.. I'm content knowing family is the only thing I'll ever be loved and remembered by, it's lonely and sad but I'm okay with that.

 

[degeneratewaste]

lack of motivation, hoping for a miracle that I will somehow get some help. I have all my supplies and live alone, which is very convenient for me. I guess I'm scared enough to not do it... for now.

 

[Xdyzine]

My parents and brothers, lack of privacy and viable method..

 

[muffin222]

I dread the steps, logistics, and preparation required to successfully die from my method of choice (SN)

 

[MBY85]

My disability. I am trapped because of it. And I hate that

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I am scared of the void . Let's assume I fail, my method of choice's after effects would likely make my disabilities worse. I also think it would be the last straw for my partner and I would be isolated. Not to mention I'd be around the 9th person in my family to CTB/pass on later in life from complications of failed CBT.

 

[ClairyFairy]

I'm seriously bad at doing it. I think that I don't plan enough maybe and I'm really impulsive . I've got so close a few times but there's no prizes for nearlies

 

[untimelydemise]

waiting for a nearly 100% fatal method. its not from lack of trying that im still alive

 

[finalexit]

Don't want to be apart from my wife and afraid of the unknown after death