Life is just so unfair. Since i was really young i had to deal with sadness and depression, it always has been hard, but for over a year now i have been dealing with what is by far the most painful feelings i've ever had, one after the other with no time to breathe.
I became aware that i was on an abusive relationship that lasted for years, dealing with everything that it takes sadly destroyed my life, i lost all my friends, i lost the person that always was there for me because i was both too painful to deal with and made a ton of mistakes on the way.
I just dont know how to deal with it. Hell i don't even know if it is worth it even, why should i fight for me? If the moment i took the hardest decision on my life it instantly backfired and ended up with me being completely alone, mentally destroyed and unable to even express what happened and what im feeling.
I feel rage, i feel grief, i feel remorse.
I hate me, why i let someone abuse me that badly and why i never spoke out. Why i let my emotions froze me after and made so much mistakes, why i let everyone that was important for me just walk away.
I don't want to live anymore, i just can't stand living like this forever, having such a scar on me. I cant take it even less when i think that the only way to continue is just looking down and turning page. I want my life back, not to fight to get a new one.
Suicide for me always felt like an option, just an option, but now feels like the only way out of all this pain, and even my fear of death is starting to fade.
I became aware that i was on an abusive relationship that lasted for years, dealing with everything that it takes sadly destroyed my life, i lost all my friends, i lost the person that always was there for me because i was both too painful to deal with and made a ton of mistakes on the way.
I just dont know how to deal with it. Hell i don't even know if it is worth it even, why should i fight for me? If the moment i took the hardest decision on my life it instantly backfired and ended up with me being completely alone, mentally destroyed and unable to even express what happened and what im feeling.
I feel rage, i feel grief, i feel remorse.
I hate me, why i let someone abuse me that badly and why i never spoke out. Why i let my emotions froze me after and made so much mistakes, why i let everyone that was important for me just walk away.
I don't want to live anymore, i just can't stand living like this forever, having such a scar on me. I cant take it even less when i think that the only way to continue is just looking down and turning page. I want my life back, not to fight to get a new one.
Suicide for me always felt like an option, just an option, but now feels like the only way out of all this pain, and even my fear of death is starting to fade.
