Discussion Why do you want to kill yourself?

[etreum]

being on drugs and be a bipolar person got me fucked up af

 

[TheEndof]

There's nothing left at this point in my life. I've tried everything to be just a little happier, a little more well adjusted. I thought getting a degree would make me happy. It didn't. I thought having friends and a normal social life would make me happy. It didn't. I've tried therapy, medication, meditation... still not feeling any better. Some things work for a little while but it's never long before I start feeling like ctb. The reasons behind it change based on my circumstances, I guess. I was betrayed in the worst way possible, and told it would continue to happen because it's what I deserve. Once again, something I thought would make me feel better has ended up making me worse off. I've taken that as a final sign that this life just isn't for me. I'm too exhausted to try anymore.

 

[BabyYoda]

I don't want to experience pain anymore, because I don't know anymore how much I can handle after the last months of 2019. Sorry for the shitty explanation.

Other reasons:
-I don't hold much value to society
-The idea of CTBing after college is comforting to me whenever bad things happen
-I have no purpose in life, mainly because I don't want one. Especially if it means that I have to destroy myself for others
-Life in general doesn't get better, I just become more cynical each day
-I am not fond of life. I don't grow from experiences, I instead am reminded of how fucked up this world is
-I don't really like a lot of social interaction these days because I already can see how people really are. I can't expect everyone to be empathetic, kind or generous

 

[HelpPlease]

Brain damage bad and failure and trauma

 

[Lonely Music]

A sense of no free will or purpose in this world. Having to deal with people in real life who don't see the world like I do. Being a slave just for the sake of surviving

 

[mathieu]

Well mostly because my mental health sucks. I cant live a good life because of it. I'm a recluse. No friends. No job for like nine years. Never finished high school and I'm nearly 30. Every day I'm just miserable and anxious. It's hard to pass the time till I can sleep again. I've also gotten fat and I just hate myself. I don't want to grow old alone and poor.

 

[HopeDiesLast]

- Bipolar disorder
- panic attacks
- PTSD
- Childood trauma
- Memory loss from electro-convulsive therapy (aka "electroshock treatments")
- psychopathic ex-husband who abused and betrayed me in every imaginable way and won't permit contact with my only child. The last time i saw my son was on his 6th birtday, and he just turned 14. 4 more years before I can reach out and attempt to have a relationship with him (if he is even interested in meeting me). My life has mo meaning without him and his father probably poisoned him against me.
- chronic migraines and cluster headaches (commonly referred to as "suicide hedaches") that are so severe that I once tried to relieve the pain/pressure by drilling a hole in my skull with an electric drill
-assorted physical ailments such as spine disease, colon prolapse, allergies, cystic acne
- scar across my face from falling off a cliff as a child