Discussion Why do you want to go? Do you really have no hope for the future?

[TeflonMummy]

In the I don't want to live camp as opposed to the I want to die camp, I just don't see a world in which living is going to be a possible outcome for me going forward. But besides that I've been aimlessly drifting here for my teenage years. The so called "peak" of life is coming up rapidly ahead of me and I don't really have anything to show for it. I didn't preform well enough in school to really qualify for anything other than a life of entry level jobs. All of my friends have moved on to better things.

In my last relationship, the "it gets better" part never came. I don't think I'll ever have another one again. I'm trying to go through all my opportunities before I finally call it quits though. That way I really know there isn't a chance in this hell for me, so I can move on to the next.

 

[Aliceinborderline]

Life is just hard like yeah things may get better but things may get worse im still seeing but like what is it im fighting for the world isnt compatible with me

 

[UKscotty]

Life is pointless, unless you are in the 1% with over 10m in ready cash, you are just a slave in the matrix.

We are here to breed and raise yet more slaves to feed the greed.

 

[LittleJem]

I would like to start off with, I am the farthest thing from a pro-lifer & I hope you don't take offense to anything I say. I am not good with my words. I understand you replied with what you feel is right, now I'm going to reply with what I feel is right.

Suicide is not self care. Suicide is a terrible, horrible thing for ANYONE who doesn't have unfixable problems in their life such as chronic illness like cancer or things similar to those situations. Suicide isn't a terrible thing for you. I don't think you have the right to speak on if suicide isn't "terrible" for others. Nobody should suffer a loss, nobody should die from suicide, nobody should lose a loved one to suicide. My brothers and sisters almost lost me to suicide not too long ago and I'm so glad I stayed here on this earth. The mindset "nothing will ever get better, I will just sit in my own sadness and sulk" is the entire reason you will never get better. Hope and happiness are not delusions, they are the farthest from delusions. You thinking hope and happiness being delusions is a delusion itself. Not everyone is sad like us people on these forums. Wanting to live a long life is not irrational in the slightest bit. I don't want to live right now but I have hope things will get better. I WANT to get better. I don't want to die, I WANT to see myself happy.

FuneralCry, I don't know what you've been through and it's not my business but I genuinely hope you get the help you deserve. You seem to be very far gone and I've seen you basically copy and paste the same thing on so many posts. I'm sorry you're going through whatever you're going through and I hope you never get the chance to CTB.

Sent with love

While some people do enjoy life, having hope in itself does not make anyone get better. Sadly. The reality is that however much we try, some of us will never get better. That is both what life has done to us and how our minds and bodies are made.

My mind is made to make me suffer every day. Today just low level 'I want to die' thoughts all day long. Crying walking down the street. Crying in a cafe. Because this is what my mind does to me today.

Tonight in tears to the Samaritans. This is my day.

I have had 'help' in the past week. From a support worker at Mind, from my key worker, from a psychiatrist. Has any of that help changed my day of suffering? No. I have had years of 'help' in the past from therapy. I have had 'hope' in the past that I would find a therapy or medication to help me. Has any of that changed my day of suffering? No.

I hope you find your happiness @floaxed and wish you a long and happy life but this side of the forum is the suicide side. Just saying.

I do have a little help. I don't have much hope. But I do have a lot of cockroaches.

 

[BlazingBob]

I have zero hope because of a progressive incurable debilitating physical illness that makes everyday life absolutely unbearable. Zero quality of life. Abusive and exploitive living situation. Just getting out of bed is a massive struggle.

 

[Kerrtu]

I would like to start off with, I am the farthest thing from a pro-lifer & I hope you don't take offense to anything I say. I am not good with my words. I understand you replied with what you feel is right, now I'm going to reply with what I feel is right.

Suicide is not self care. Suicide is a terrible, horrible thing for ANYONE who doesn't have unfixable problems in their life such as chronic illness like cancer or things similar to those situations. Suicide isn't a terrible thing for you. I don't think you have the right to speak on if suicide isn't "terrible" for others. Nobody should suffer a loss, nobody should die from suicide, nobody should lose a loved one to suicide. My brothers and sisters almost lost me to suicide not too long ago and I'm so glad I stayed here on this earth. The mindset "nothing will ever get better, I will just sit in my own sadness and sulk" is the entire reason you will never get better. Hope and happiness are not delusions, they are the farthest from delusions. You thinking hope and happiness being delusions is a delusion itself. Not everyone is sad like us people on these forums. Wanting to live a long life is not irrational in the slightest bit. I don't want to live right now but I have hope things will get better. I WANT to get better. I don't want to die, I WANT to see myself happy.

FuneralCry, I don't know what you've been through and it's not my business but I genuinely hope you get the help you deserve. You seem to be very far gone and I've seen you basically copy and paste the same thing on so many posts. I'm sorry you're going through whatever you're going through and I hope you never get the chance to CTB.

Sent with love

Maybe you're trying to help, I don't know, but your description of FuneralCry's mindset being "nothing will ever get better, I will just sit in my sadness and sulk" gave me "my way or the highway" vibes. Felt like my abusive, estranged father infiltrated the site for a second - he talks like that, he's got that mindset.

Try checking out the recovery section some time. I haven't as I don't want to live much longer, but you do, so go for it.

 

[Bigsmoke777]

What if the problem with me is me? Things cant get better when you have no sense of self or self control. I'm a monster, and I've always been embarrassing. I'm stupid. I was always stupid. I'm always hurting and getting enraged. I dont want to be this ugly person inside and out. Why would I? I shouldnt feel comfortable in my own skin. I've always been horrible and stupid and weird. It's like I was fine being all alone, never watching my mouth, never looking at myself. I thought I did. I did not at all. I was always horrible. I feel like I'm every ugly, cringey, stupid, horrible thing. Theres not anything good from me. I deserve to be alone and miserable and suffer, but I'm selfish, so I rather ctb.

 

[donniedisposable]

being queer and in the closet where our rights are getting worse by the day, early onset schizophrenia or something similar to it, constant delusions and dissociation, feeling this way since i was about 10. i have no plans for the future, nothing i want to study, no career in mind. i dont even like the idea of moving out and living on my own. im seriously considering ctb after i graduate because after all everything feels just like a game to me. nothing feels real or worthwhile so i might as well stop things before i get worse.

 

[peachchildtenshi]

I can relate to being hopeful at times, but in the end I would just relapse to being in a state of being regressive and overwhelmed with guilt.
No matter how much I seem to try and force myself to change, I just seem unable to move forward with the amount of guilt that I have brought upon myself, I truly hate myself for what I am and I could never forgive myself.

 

[Challu]

I want to go because I'm tired of working and striving for a life that never existed. I'm tired of living an existence which it feels like life is always telling me "just be glad you're here". As if I asked to come. I look around at a world that's crumbling, no matter where you go. The delusions of youth are giving way to the dystopian fantasies of the elite part of the human race. I'm on the entire planet alone. I'm sick of living in a constant competition for nothing. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of needing money to live. I'm tired of my suffering. I'm tired of seeing suffering. I'm tired of society trying to put me in a certain box so it can tolerate me. I'm tired of feeling left out, only to discover that all I'm being left out on is glorified and sparkling distractions that keep me docile and part of the human herd. I'm tired of being hated for no reason. I'm tired of living in a decaying meat avatar.

No, I have no hope of it ever getting better.

Exact exact same thoughts. Well said.

 

[blue_muse]

Health mainly and realising the people I once thought were worth sticking around for aren't worth it after all.