Why do you think sites like this have a large incel population?

[hrsprayqn]

Hello SS.

For note, I'm a trans woman, but I do find it very interesting just how many on this forum make posts around wanting to ctb because life is not worth living without sex with, how one user described it, "young beautiful women". Are you too of the opinion that personality is in fact not relevant and looks are all-encompassing?

I personally find that take to be bullshit. I am not particularly good-looking but I have had no problem finding partners in the past, yet a huge amount of suicidal ideation here seems to stem from what I can only personally describe as misogyny and a longing for a connection with a woman. What should people do to tackle this problem in the "manosphere", is there anything that can be done?

 

[Suisushi]

I definitely agree that misogyny is shockingly common in suicide discussions, but I'm not sure what can be done. The only saving grace for these guys is to go outside and make friends with real women, but even that is difficult because they do it with the intention of finding a partner, which makes it nearly impossible to have a legitimate friendship.

I fucking wish men would change their attitude about making friends with women. I can't tell you how many times I've avoided grabbing dinner with a friend just because she's a straight woman out of fear I give her the wrong idea. If men stopped being so damn obsessed with thinking sex will make them happy, women would have an easier time opening up in a platonic relationship, and men would be better off for it. Admittedly though, it's not an easy task for men since society glorifies sex virtually everywhere, but it's such a fucking embarrassment. Sorry I don't have an answer and this came off as a rant--just wanted to share some thoughts.

 

[resolutory]

how one user described it, "young beautiful women". Are you too of the opinion that personality is in fact not relevant and looks are all-encompassing?

I remember that post, assuming it's the same one. To quote the post (although not exactly/directly in case the user doesn't want me to name them):

'38 Male. This is why I'm going to CTB, there's no reason to be alive for me if I can't have sex and affection from young beautiful women. The frustration I feel every time I see one is ineffable. Only death can free me from this curse.'

I related to this statement a lot, although I'm an asexual (or something to that degree) with no interest in sex. I guess this puts me in a relatively unique position to explain, at least, how it is for me. A cel, as opposed to an incel lol.

(TL;DR below. EDIT: Apologies, even the TL;DR is long...)

This quote sums up probably the reason that I most desire to CTB too. Not the sex, I have no interest in that. If the most attractive girl in the world, with the best personality, threw herself at me begging to have sex with her, I really wouldn't want to, or even know how to tbh. I've always said I'd give it a go if I had a girlfriend that really wanted me to, as I think it's only fair to compromise in a relationship. She'd have needs, I presume, and I would be a bad boyfriend if I didn't at least try to meet those needs. But I'm saying this just to stress that I don't want sex, have no interest in it and never have done.

Consequently, I can't really say how it is for unasexual guys but, for me, even I still get this feeling of... I'm not even sure how to describe it, but it's the worst feeling I ever mentally experience. I call it 'horniness' but naturally I'm not quite sure if that's an accurate comparison to what unasexual people experience as horniness. For me it's just like a great depressing feeling. I'm told horniness feels good, so I'm not sure if it really counts as actual horniness because this feeling really feels awful to me.

But the feeling is most frequently triggered by seeing women that I find attractive. I suppose I can understand why from the perspective of (I have to presume) people that don't experience this same feeling, this may seem superficial. But the only way I can describe it is... a very primal or natural feeling. It's an emotion, I suppose. I've even blocked people on websites before for frequently posting pictures of girls I find attractive. Not in a malicious way, but merely because I don't want to see those pictures because it hurts to be reminded that girls I find attractive exist and I can't be with them. It can legitimately ruin my day, my mood completely sinks. This probably sounds bad or pathetic, but I'm just saying as accurately as I can how it feels. And I think people that experience this feeling probably agree that it's bad and pathetic, which is yet another reason to want to CTB because of it, I suppose.

This being said, I'm not sure if this is an incel thing. Or, rather, a thing that's caused by being an incel. I think most of the people that post pictures of attractive girls are incels. Yet, they do it because they enjoy it. I ask them 'don't you feel agony at seeing the most beautiful girls on the internet and knowing that you can never be with them?' and they just tell me that 'these girls have brought me immense joy and pleasure!'. So maybe it's just a different mindset or mentality thing, as opposed to an incel thing.

TL;DR:

But I think it's a miscalculated jump to make the correlation between having this feeling and believing that looks matter over personality. This isn't to say many guys don't favor looks over personality, I'm sure they do, but I believe this is separate from the particular agonizing feeling that I believe the person you mentioned was expressing. The agonizing feeling that propels so many people, or me at least, to want to die to be relieved from it. This being said, please keep in mind it maybe different for guys that are after sex, I'm just saying my own perspective.

I think that, ultimately, a big part of where the feeling comes from is a feeling of uselessness and having missed out. Relationships, etc, are a part of life. A big part. Some consider them to matter more than anything else. The user I quoted was 38 and had never been able to experience this. That doesn't feel good, to know, for whatever reason, you've been incapable of experiencing this, normally natural and inherent, part of life. Knowing he missed out on the ability to experience those normal things that people generally do is awful, and seeing 'young beautiful women' is a reminder of this and brings with it the agonizing 'horniness'.

I relate to this, it's an agonizing feeling to know you missed out on those experiences/connections and are unable to have them. Despite what people say, there's obviously a time limit on these things, on having those connections that most people do growing up. If you don't get to experience that, you missed out and you're going to feel terrible and like there's just no point anymore.

You said you have no problem finding partners in the past, so imagine if you'd been unable to. Imagine never having experienced that and never being able to, even if you wanted. And being unable to know why you can't have them, as I suspect is the case for most people in this situation. And there's probably many potential reasons for why that is, dependent on the individual. For some, they might just have a terrible personality. For some, they might just not be good-looking enough themselves. Some might have confidence issues. Some might be autistic, or something like that, and just have immense trouble with social relationships in general. Some of these things can be improved, and others can't. They're all walls, whether collapsible or indestructible, around a person's ability to live a normal life. It's consequently no wonder, at least to me, why so many people feel trapped with death as their only relief.

To be involuntarily celibate, or just to not have had any connections you desire, while most other people around you are having them is agony.

And I say this as someone who can get partners. My problems are quite separate and way too complicated, I won't go into it here because this comment is already ridiculously long LOL.

But I believe I relate to the feeling that the person you quoted expressed, so I just wanted to give my perspective on it. It's primarily a feeling of having missed out. It's not about favoring looks over personality in a partner. It's simply the looks that evoke the pain.

 

[Gloom]

I'm a 19 year old virgin, I wouldn't describe myself as a femcel though but I kind of understand where they're coming from. I think some assume that the hotter and younger person they fuck means the connection with that person mut be better and this is also a way to gain status in society. but i think most yearn to be desired because if you're not then are you much of a person? does anyone value you? when you're undesirable (or exaggerate how much you are) it makes you feel like you're nothing, like you're not worth the effort of cherishing. so maybe it wouldn't be a big deal if you died.

my instinct was to say that incels are the product of our societal values, which is if a man isn't of a high status in terms of his looks or money then he's deemed useless. and that's true to a certain extent. the polarisation between the two genders doesn't help either, i think especially heterosexual men and women struggle to form healthy relationships that are not romantic and I find that dangerous. when you place so much importance on romance and earning a woman it can get very toxic.

I think this boils down to being in an unfortunate situation, leading to unconfidence, and having a bad personality/values. you can obviously still find partners with bad looks but I do think it's way harder to get started at first when you have the mindset of an incel. i imagine this problem gets worse over time and if you're chatting with other incels on here.

 

[hrsprayqn]

I remember that post, assuming it's the same one. To quote the post (although not exactly/directly in case the user doesn't want me to name them):

'38 Male. This is why I'm going to CTB, there's no reason to be alive for me if I can't have sex and affection from young beautiful women. The frustration I feel every time I see one is ineffable. Only death can free me from this curse.'

I related to this statement a lot, although I'm an asexual (or something to that degree) with no interest in sex. I guess this puts me in a relatively unique position to explain, at least, how it is for me. A cel, as opposed to an incel lol.

(TL;DR below. EDIT: Apologies, even the TL;DR is long...)

This quote sums up probably the reason that I most desire to CTB too. Not the sex, I have no interest in that. If the most attractive girl in the world, with the best personality, threw herself at me begging to have sex with her, I really wouldn't want to, or even know how to tbh. I've always said I'd give it a go if I had a girlfriend that really wanted me to, as I think it's only fair to compromise in a relationship. She'd have needs, I presume, and I would be a bad boyfriend if I didn't at least try to meet those needs. But I'm saying this just to stress that I don't want sex, have no interest in it and never have done.

Consequently, I can't really say how it is for unasexual guys but, for me, even I still get this feeling of... I'm not even sure how to describe it, but it's the worst feeling I ever mentally experience. I call it 'horniness' but naturally I'm not quite sure if that's an accurate comparison to what unasexual people experience as horniness. For me it's just like a great depressing feeling. I'm told horniness feels good, so I'm not sure if it really counts as actual horniness because this feeling really feels awful to me.

But the feeling is most frequently triggered by seeing women that I find attractive. I suppose I can understand why from the perspective of (I have to presume) people that don't experience this same feeling, this may seem superficial. But the only way I can describe it is... a very primal or natural feeling. It's an emotion, I suppose. I've even blocked people on websites before for frequently posting pictures of girls I find attractive. Not in a malicious way, but merely because I don't want to see those pictures because it hurts to be reminded that girls I find attractive exist and I can't be with them. It can legitimately ruin my day, my mood completely sinks. This probably sounds bad or pathetic, but I'm just saying as accurately as I can how it feels. And I think people that experience this feeling probably agree that it's bad and pathetic, which is yet another reason to want to CTB because of it, I suppose.

This being said, I'm not sure if this is an incel thing. Or, rather, a thing that's caused by being an incel. I think most of the people that post pictures of attractive girls are incels. Yet, they do it because they enjoy it. I ask them 'don't you feel agony at seeing the most beautiful girls on the internet and knowing that you can never be with them?' and they just tell me that 'these girls have brought me immense joy and pleasure!'. So maybe it's just a different mindset or mentality thing, as opposed to an incel thing.

TL;DR:

But I think it's a miscalculated jump to make the correlation between having this feeling and believing that looks matter over personality. This isn't to say many guys don't favor looks over personality, I'm sure they do, but I believe this is separate from the particular agonizing feeling that I believe the person you mentioned was expressing. The agonizing feeling that propels so many people, or me at least, to want to die to be relieved from it. This being said, please keep in mind it maybe different for guys that are after sex, I'm just saying my own perspective.

I think that, ultimately, a big part of where the feeling comes from is a feeling of uselessness and having missed out. Relationships, etc, are a part of life. A big part. Some consider them to matter more than anything else. The user I quoted was 38 and had never been able to experience this. That doesn't feel good, to know, for whatever reason, you've been incapable of experiencing this, normally natural and inherent, part of life. Knowing he missed out on the ability to experience those normal things that people generally do is awful, and seeing 'young beautiful women' is a reminder of this and brings with it the agonizing 'horniness'.

I relate to this, it's an agonizing feeling to know you missed out on those experiences/connections and are unable to have them. Despite what people say, there's obviously a time limit on these things, on having those connections that most people do growing up. If you don't get to experience that, you missed out and you're going to feel terrible and like there's just no point anymore.

You said you have no problem finding partners in the past, so imagine if you'd been unable to. Imagine never having experienced that and never being able to, even if you wanted. And being unable to know why you can't have them, as I suspect is the case for most people in this situation. And there's probably many potential reasons for why that is, dependent on the individual. For some, they might just have a terrible personality. For some, they might just not be good-looking enough themselves. Some might have confidence issues. Some might be autistic, or something like that, and just have immense trouble with social relationships in general. Some of these things can be improved, and others can't. They're all walls, whether collapsible or indestructible, around a person's ability to live a normal life. It's consequently no wonder, at least to me, why so many people feel trapped with death as their only relief.

To be involuntarily celibate, or just to not have had any connections you desire, while most other people around you are having them is agony.

And I say this as someone who can get partners. My problems are quite separate and way too complicated, I won't go into it here because this comment is already ridiculously long LOL.

But I believe I relate to the feeling that the person you quoted expressed, so I just wanted to give my perspective on it. It's primarily a feeling of having missed out. It's not about favoring looks over personality in a partner. It's simply the looks that evoke the pain.

This was a well articulated reply, I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for your insight!!

I'm a 19 year old virgin, I wouldn't describe myself as a femcel though but I kind of understand where they're coming from. I think some assume that the hotter and younger person they fuck means the connection with that person mut be better and this is also a way to gain status in society. but i think most yearn to be desired because if you're not then are you much of a person? does anyone value you? when you're undesirable (or exaggerate how much you are) it makes you feel like you're nothing, like you're not worth the effort of cherishing. so maybe it wouldn't be a big deal if you died.

my instinct was to say that incels are the product of our societal values, which is if a man isn't of a high status in terms of his looks or money then he's deemed useless. and that's true to a certain extent. the polarisation between the two genders doesn't help either, i think especially heterosexual men and women struggle to form healthy relationships that are not romantic and I find that dangerous. when you place so much importance on romance and earning a woman it can get very toxic.

I think this boils down to being in an unfortunate situation, leading to unconfidence, and having a bad personality/values. you can obviously still find partners with bad looks but I do think it's way harder to get started at first when you have the mindset of an incel. i imagine this problem gets worse over time and if you're chatting with other incels on here.

I (even before transition) never had a problem holding platonic relationships with women. My best friend (still) is a woman.

That's the problem with whom I was referring to in the OP. Women are not the villains here because you aren't owed sex, but sex is also not only limited to "high value men and women" or whatever you want to call it. That's simply a projection from certain people who prize sex above all else.

You're only 19, plenty of people are 19 and virgins. But when you get to your late 30s I think maybe (just maybe) these people need to look inwards. If you stop going into conversations and situations with people with the expectation of sex it's a lot easier to converse and maybe even end up with a partner.

"Young beautiful women" are not to blame, it's often that their personality completely stinks. I just find it bizarre how much misogyny I've found here, especially considering that this is not a mens-only forum (though I do have my own concerns with the other forums the site admins here run - primarily those concerned with the manosphere which only allow men in. Bit weird the only one that allows women is the one giving advice on how to ctb, but maybe I'm just being cynical).

 

[lionetta12]

Hello SS.

For note, I'm a trans woman, but I do find it very interesting just how many on this forum make posts around wanting to ctb because life is not worth living without sex with, how one user described it, "young beautiful women". Are you too of the opinion that personality is in fact not relevant and looks are all-encompassing?

I personally find that take to be bullshit. I am not particularly good-looking but I have had no problem finding partners in the past, yet a huge amount of suicidal ideation here seems to stem from what I can only personally describe as misogyny and a longing for a connection with a woman. What should people do to tackle this problem in the "manosphere", is there anything that can be done?

I haven't really noticed a big incel population here, but that might be because I don't use the chat feature and I also don't read the few threads on virginity that pop up every so often.

As for the question on «are you too of the opinion that personality is in fact not relevant and looks are all-encompassing?», no. I care more about personality than appearance, so much so that my recent ex made that an issue for some reason and constantly called me non-shallow and somehow that was a problem? He was one of those people who only like someone for apppearance so he didn't understand my logic of liking someone for their personality first and foremost. I don't know why it was an issue, I told him long before we even got romantically involved that my longest relationship was with a virgin who was missing 5 teeth and who was 5'6 feet so appearance is the last thing I care about if you're charismatic and funny. I even find such physical «flaws» interesting and unique, it adds character and so I usually like that to some extent. My most recent ex was the first person I've been with where I instantly liked their apppearance and preferred their appearance over their personality because his personality truly sucked eventually and I think that was the biggest mistake I have ever made romantically, to try to be shallow for once, but now I know how it's like and how that's just straight up a bad idea for me and that I need someone with a good personality again in the future like I usually go for anyway. It was not worth it, but I learned to not repeat this mistake ever again. I also find that when someone has a great personality, but an appearance I'm not very drawn to, their appearance becomes very appealling to me once I fall in love with their personality so appearance is just never really an issue for me then like I just randomly then view them as the most attractive person in the world and nobody compares.

 

[Noisemaker]

I think you answered part of your own question with the title, lots of incels don't really enjoy living.

 

[TooConscious]

Can anyone link me to an incel.board please?

Here were kind enough to link me.before.a.couple.of.years ago but I lost it. And think it's changed. I used to go to keep up to date on what's happening in the world. I believe incels are a massive part of the future.

And tbh it sounds a bit like obvious answer to me. If you aren't living as you wish with women, money, you end up having suicidal feelings sooner or later.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Can anyone link me to an incel.board please?

Politics & Philosophy

Discuss the intersection of mental health, politics, and philosophy. Connect with others and share your perspectives here.

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[H.O.Xan]

sex is more important as a desire to men than women due to higher levels of testosterone

 

[Roseate]

Honestly I can't get with those comments cuz what I have to say in this topic would trigger them. They make it seem like a relationship will fix their shitty personality because the truth is they are single because they are probably shitty people or don't care for themselves or going for girls that are unattainable. Like if you're average, go for average women. Guys will beg for a girl for years then when they finally get a girl, they will treat them like shit and hurt them… those losers deserve to be single.

 

[KarmicRain]

I think a lot of the incels who are driven toward this site are here due to being unable to achieve the unrealistic societal values expected of them. This in turn causes insecurity to grow to the point where they blame themselves for being unable to attract others. Where things especially go wrong, especially with misogyny is their misplaced anger. They in turn blame women for what is actually a problem not with their body, but their mind. On the other hand, it is the hell of a society that is our reality that drove them there.

I do also want to argue that misogyny isn't the only issue with incels since you can be female and still be an incel (or femcel ig). But it does seem like "it's a woman's fault they don't like me" is wayyy more common then "it's a man's fault they don't like me."

Also, the concept of romance is as a whole given wayy to much credit like it'll solve all the worlds problems once reached. But since an incel would assume they won't ever reach it, they should just ctb. I personally think this logic is completely wrong but I don't have the experience to argue otherwise.

 

[NumbItAll]

I don't get why it's so hard to believe that someone can feel despair over being lonely and unwanted. Humans are social creatures and there is nothing wrong with craving love, sex, validation. I am tired of reading lectures about what I should actually want and seeing people get berated and belittled for being suicidal for the "wrong" reasons, and it usually comes from someone who is either in a relationship or has no problem getting into one. There have been rare times in my life where I had a connection with someone and those needs were fulfilled, and those were by far the happiest times, and I find life to be horrifying and pointless without that. It's nobody's fault and I agree with pushing back against the misogyny that often comes with it. But there should still be room to (tactfully) discuss these issues. Assuming that someone is a bad person just because they can't get into a relationship (as seen in this thread) is quite shitty imo.

 

[Roseate]

I don't get why it's so hard to believe that someone can feel despair over being lonely and unwanted. Humans are social creatures and there is nothing wrong with craving love, sex, validation. I am tired of reading lectures about what I should actually want and seeing people get berated and belittled for being suicidal for the "wrong" reasons, and it usually comes from someone who is either in a relationship or has no problem getting into one. There have been rare times in my life where I had a connection with someone and those needs were fulfilled, and those were by far the happiest times, and I find life to be horrifying and pointless without that. It's nobody's fault and I agree with pushing back against the misogyny that often comes with it. But there should still be room to (tactfully) discuss these issues. Assuming that someone is a bad person just because they can't get into a relationship (as seen in this thread) is quite shitty imo.

We understand people get lonely like it's common sense. When you're depressed, being lonely makes it so much more unbearable. But to have that be the main reason is kind of ridiculous because the truth is they aren't lonely. They just want to have sex. Like that's the main drive and that's what makes it pathetic really. To have that be the driving force. And usually people like that get into relationships and completely fucking ruin their partners life because the truth is they are losers who deserved to be alone. To be lonely. I mean they are alone for a reason sometimes. Because their personalities is simply awful. Because they are manipulative, misogynistic assholes. And if they have a problem with it so much, they could just idk work on themselves. Instead of complaining and seeking women out of their reach. Like they go for unattainable attractive women when they are clearly average… what do they expect? And they feel like they deserve to have a girl… well that's just not the case. It's not a necessity. It would be nice but not everyone is going to find love. And no one problems is going to get fixed by suddenly getting into a relationship. That's just not reality. They need to get serious, open their eyes and work on themselves before ever even thinking about a relationship. Guys like that cause the most hurt and they usually have no moral values and do that care about the women they hurt in the process. It's all about them.

 

[borderline-feline]

sex is more important as a desire to men than women due to higher levels of testosterone

That's not true. Sex is just as important to women as it is to men. Testosterone has an impact on libido, but largely if it seems like women don't have a lot of interest in sex, it's because most men just don't know how to properly please a woman in the bedroom. Most women aren't capable of achieving orgasm through penetration alone, and most men don't have the greatest understanding of female anatomy.

The problem is when people allow their lack of sex appeal to color their self-worth or when they feel entitled to sex. Many incels are too busy being nihilistic to realize that women don't want to fuck them not because they're physically unattractive, but because they're thoroughly unpleasant people to be around. These kinds of people take their self-esteem issues and project them onto the world, playing the victim while espousing misogynistic ideology.

At the end of the day, no one is owed sex, and to be so bent out of shape because of not getting laid is pretty pathetic.

 

[resolutory]

We understand people get lonely like it's common sense. When you're depressed, being lonely makes it so much more unbearable. But to have that be the main reason is kind of ridiculous because the truth is they aren't lonely. They just want to have sex. Like that's the main drive and that's what makes it pathetic really. To have that be the driving force. And usually people like that get into relationships and completely fucking ruin their partners life because the truth is they are losers who deserved to be alone. To be lonely. I mean they are alone for a reason sometimes. Because their personalities is simply awful. Because they are manipulative, misogynistic assholes. And if they have a problem with it so much, they could just idk work on themselves. Instead of complaining and seeking women out of their reach. Like they go for unattainable attractive women when they are clearly average… what do they expect? And they feel like they deserve to have a girl… well that's just not the case. It's not a necessity. It would be nice but not everyone is going to find love. And no one problems is going to get fixed by suddenly getting into a relationship. That's just not reality. They need to get serious, open their eyes and work on themselves before ever even thinking about a relationship. Guys like that cause the most hurt and they usually have no moral values and do that care about the women they hurt in the process. It's all about them.

I experience the feeling and I'm an asexual with no desire to have sex so that debunks this idea that everyone always throws up.

Not saying people like you're talking about don't exist, but you're massively generalizing there with harmful assumptions.

 

[NumbItAll]

We understand people get lonely like it's common sense. When you're depressed, being lonely makes it so much more unbearable. But to have that be the main reason is kind of ridiculous because the truth is they aren't lonely. They just want to have sex. Like that's the main drive and that's what makes it pathetic really. To have that be the driving force. And usually people like that get into relationships and completely fucking ruin their partners life because the truth is they are losers who deserved to be alone. To be lonely. I mean they are alone for a reason sometimes. Because their personalities is simply awful. Because they are manipulative, misogynistic assholes. And if they have a problem with it so much, they could just idk work on themselves. Instead of complaining and seeking women out of their reach. Like they go for unattainable attractive women when they are clearly average… what do they expect? And they feel like they deserve to have a girl… well that's just not the case. It's not a necessity. It would be nice but not everyone is going to find love. And no one problems is going to get fixed by suddenly getting into a relationship. That's just not reality. They need to get serious, open their eyes and work on themselves before ever even thinking about a relationship. Guys like that cause the most hurt and they usually have no moral values and do that care about the women they hurt in the process. It's all about them.

That is a lot of assumptions though and it doesn't line up with my personal experience. I agree with you that there is shitty conduct out there but I don't like over-generalizing it towards everyone with these issues. Like I've never done any of that awful behavior and I'm badly afraid of ever hurting anyone. I'm repulsed by incel forums so we have plenty of common ground. Saying that not everyone is going to find love is factually true but just sounds like "life is tough, get over it" and seems cold for a site like this. Maybe that's just me being "pathetic" but it's by far my top reason for despair so I'm sensitive to it. Also people value different things and want different things out of life, whether it's sex, drugs, a relationship, a family, career, doing nothing, it's all fine as long as they're not hurting anyone. I know there is bad behavior that causes harm so again I agree with you there. Here is someone I can relate to.

 

[Roseate]

I experience the feeling and I'm an asexual with no desire to have sex so that debunks this idea that everyone always throws up.

Not saying people like you're talking about don't exist, but you're massively generalizing there with harmful assumptions.

No offense but generalizing comes from a place of truth. And you may close your eyes to that fact but I see it every single day. Every other day. All the time. I rarely ever not see it.

That is a lot of assumptions though and it doesn't line up with my personal experience. I agree with you that there is shitty conduct out there but I don't like over-generalizing it towards everyone with these issues. Like I've never done any of that awful behavior and I'm badly afraid of ever hurting anyone. I'm repulsed by incel forums so we have plenty of common ground. Saying that not everyone is going to find love is factually true but just sounds like "life is tough, get over it" and seems cold for a site like this. Maybe that's just me being "pathetic" but it's by far my top reason for despair so I'm sensitive to it. Also people value different things and want different things out of life, whether it's sex, drugs, a relationship, a family, career, doing nothing, it's all fine as long as they're not hurting anyone. I know there is bad behavior that causes harm so again I agree with you there. Here is someone I can relate to.

Not everyone will find love that's a fact. Why do you think there are people that go through life never ever finding it? Because the reality is it's not for everyone. Everyone feels like they are entitled to it but we aren't. And if we're being honest here, most people just settle. And sex is a pathetic reason to want to die. There is a difference between being lonely and depressed and just wanting fucking pleasure for five second.. like sex is not love. It's just not. And sex isn't going to solve anyone problem. And people need to stop complaining about it. And notice how it is mostly men who complain about things like that? If you're willing to kill because you got rejected then you don't deserved to be loved. Because no one is entitled to it. It sounds cruel but life is cruel and honestly if that's the only reason for wanting to die, then just pay someone. It's not hard to find prostitutes to sleep with. Jesus it's not a priority and it will not keep anyone alive. And I truly truly believe these kind of people cause more harm. I've seen every time. I've never NOT seen it. These people never truly work on themselves, they just expect a relationship to fix everything and by the time they realize it doesn't, someone is already hurt. Oh and they're always so specific about the kind of person they want too.. like beggars can't be choosers. And honestly if a single one of them truly wanted love, they wouldn't have so called types. Everyone of those incels are idiots who feels entitled to love but doesn't believe in working for it, or idk working on themselves or just working on not being weak minded for a change. Because anyone who wants to kill for getting rejected is weak. Anyone who makes relationship and sex their only priority or way of living is weak minded.

 

[Leeroy14R]

I think its absolutely disgusting for any person who is suicidal to have children. I will do everything is takes to not have children even if it means hating woman and forcing myself gay.

 

[ManchildLoser]

Honestly I can't get with those comments cuz what I have to say in this topic would trigger them. They make it seem like a relationship will fix their shitty personality because the truth is they are single because they are probably shitty people or don't care for themselves or going for girls that are unattainable. Like if you're average, go for average women. Guys will beg for a girl for years then when they finally get a girl, they will treat them like shit and hurt them… those losers deserve to be single.

That is not true at all. On the contrary, the nice guys always finish last. That's why you see a lot of women going out with badboys and assholes, and then complain about men being assholes and generalize the whole gender.
That is why the good guys are frustrated, because they tried to be a good decent human being, but girls find that boring and rejects them.
By reading your comment i can assume you have been hurt by men in the past. These men definitely were NOT incel.

 

[ManchildLoser]

I don't get why it's so hard to believe that someone can feel despair over being lonely and unwanted. Humans are social creatures and there is nothing wrong with craving love, sex, validation. I am tired of reading lectures about what I should actually want and seeing people get berated and belittled for being suicidal for the "wrong" reasons, and it usually comes from someone who is either in a relationship or has no problem getting into one. There have been rare times in my life where I had a connection with someone and those needs were fulfilled, and those were by far the happiest times, and I find life to be horrifying and pointless without that. It's nobody's fault and I agree with pushing back against the misogyny that often comes with it. But there should still be room to (tactfully) discuss these issues. Assuming that someone is a bad person just because they can't get into a relationship (as seen in this thread) is quite shitty imo.

Exactly i agree 100%. These people trying to invalidate your feelings are the worst. Like they tell you the "right" way to feel about this.

 

[redbathingduck]

I think its absolutely disgusting for any person who is suicidal to have children. I will do everything is takes to not have children even if it means hating woman and forcing myself gay.

I agree with you that suicidal people shouldn't get children, mostly because I think they aren"t really in a position where they would be able to take care of them. But it's really weird to hate women because you don't want to have children whatever it takes?? And no such thing as 'forcing' your sexuality. If you're that worried you could just like not have sex or use birth control? Bit of a weird conclusion you have come to imo

 

[violetchiwawa]

Honestly I can't get with those comments cuz what I have to say in this topic would trigger them. They make it seem like a relationship will fix their shitty personality because the truth is they are single because they are probably shitty people or don't care for themselves or going for girls that are unattainable. Like if you're average, go for average women. Guys will beg for a girl for years then when they finally get a girl, they will treat them like shit and hurt them… those losers deserve to be single.

This is exactly it but let's not say it to their face because they might commit a hate crime. /hj

 

[Roseate]

This is exactly it but let's not say it to their face because they might commit a hate crime. /hj

Right??!! And everyone tries to excuse their shitty behavior like no there is no excuse. We all feel lonely but we don't go around committing hate crimes.

That is not true at all. On the contrary, the nice guys always finish last. That's why you see a lot of women going out with badboys and assholes, and then complain about men being assholes and generalize the whole gender.
That is why the good guys are frustrated, because they tried to be a good decent human being, but girls find that boring and rejects them.
By reading your comment i can assume you have been hurt by men in the past. These men definitely were NOT incel.

Honestly you are so wrong. First of all, there is a huge difference between nice and good guys. A nice guy will usually act nice to get something in return. A good guy is nice without expecting or wanting anything in return. And women are usually hurt by these so called nice guys which is why they would rather date a known bad boy than a fake nice guy. One is honest and true about who they are and the other is a front, an act. Real good guys aren't frustrated because they know when they find an actual good girl, it will just happen organically without the need to force anything. If you are a good decent being, you shouldn't expect a reward for it. If you expect to be rewarded for being good then you truly aren't good. And incels are too busy committing hate crimes and being misogynistic. I don't allow those kind of people in my life. Btw, I have not been hurt by guys. Bold of you to assume my sexuality. I am very observant and I see the way the world works unfortunately. Also, we all get rejected. It's part of life. I am literally as basic as it gets. And if I can find a guy, I'm sure these so called good guys can too.

 

[ManchildLoser]

Right??!! And everyone tries to excuse their shitty behavior like no there is no excuse. We all feel lonely but we don't go around committing hate crimes.

Honestly you are so wrong. First of all, there is a huge difference between nice and good guys. A nice guy will usually act nice to get something in return. A good guy is nice without expecting or wanting anything in return. And women are usually hurt by these so called nice guys which is why they would rather date a known bad boy than a fake nice guy. One is honest and true about who they are and the other is a front, an act. Real good guys aren't frustrated because they know when they find an actual good girl, it will just happen organically without the need to force anything. If you are a good decent being, you shouldn't expect a reward for it. If you expect to be rewarded for being good then you truly aren't good. And incels are too busy committing hate crimes and being misogynistic. I don't allow those kind of people in my life. Btw, I have not been hurt by guys. Bold of you to assume my sexuality. I am very observant and I see the way the world works unfortunately. Also, we all get rejected. It's part of life. I am literally as basic as it gets. And if I can find a guy, I'm sure these so called good guys can too.

I have to strongly disagree. This is the kind of mentality that makes good men not want to talk to women ever. Your way of seeing the nice guys as just manipulative is a very toxic mentality. I'm not saying they aren't guys like that, they are, but saying the good guys dont expect anything in return is false. They just want to be loved and give love in return. They want a sane relationship and mutual respect. But even when the guys with a good heart tries to find his soulmate and constantly gets savagely rejected, it is soulcrushing for them, because they dont understand why they are treated like this.
The problem in relationship today is that women treat men like garbage, even to those that dont deserve it.
This is why you see a rise in men going incel, going MGTOW, etc. And by the way, suicide rate in men is 3 times higher than women.
Do you even know how hard it is today for a man to just approach a woman? How extremely stressful and fear inducing it is? Of course you dont know, because all you have to do is wait for the good man to come to you, it's very easy for you.
Anyway, i could Go on and on but honeslty i dont have the energy...

 

[ManchildLoser]

I have to strongly disagree. This is the kind of mentality that makes good men not want to talk to women ever. Your way of seeing the nice guys as just manipulative is a very toxic mentality. I'm not saying they aren't guys like that, they are, but saying the good guys dont expect anything in return is false. They just want to be loved and give love in return. They want a sane relationship and mutual respect. But even when the guys with a good heart tries to find his soulmate and constantly gets savagely rejected, it is soulcrushing for them, because they dont understand why they are treated like this.
The problem in relationship today is that women treat men like garbage, even to those that dont deserve it.
This is why you see a rise in men going incel, going MGTOW, etc. And by the way, suicide rate in men is 3 times higher than women.
Do you even know how hard it is today for a man to just approach a woman? How extremely stressful and fear inducing it is? Of course you dont know, because all you have to do is wait for the good man to come to you, it's very easy for you.
Anyway, i could Go on and on but honeslty i dont have the energy...

I just want to specify something. I am talking specifically about modern women, in age between 18 and 35. Older women are much more kindhearted and I respect them so much. My Mother and grandmother are genuinely good persons, and they dont have the vile mentality most young women have these days. They have so much love to give and thats the kind of people we need most.

 

[Roseate]

I have to strongly disagree. This is the kind of mentality that makes good men not want to talk to women ever. Your way of seeing the nice guys as just manipulative is a very toxic mentality. I'm not saying they aren't guys like that, they are, but saying the good guys dont expect anything in return is false. They just want to be loved and give love in return. They want a sane relationship and mutual respect. But even when the guys with a good heart tries to find his soulmate and constantly gets savagely rejected, it is soulcrushing for them, because they dont understand why they are treated like this.
The problem in relationship today is that women treat men like garbage, even to those that dont deserve it.
This is why you see a rise in men going incel, going MGTOW, etc. And by the way, suicide rate in men is 3 times higher than women.
Do you even know how hard it is today for a man to just approach a woman? How extremely stressful and fear inducing it is? Of course you dont know, because all you have to do is wait for the good man to come to you, it's very easy for you.
Anyway, i could Go on and on but honeslty i dont have the energy...

It's hard for men to approach women because of other men. If men would just be good then there wouldn't be an issue. I'm not about to feel sympathy for men. This is a men world. They'll be just fine.

 

[81-Z@P@D]

As a lonely dude I think getting angry on this site is a big no no and will ruin things, I would advise those that joined this site not to get mad and act like your on an incel forum etc.

On why incels act like this, and my general take on things:

1. Sex for money, specifically is not hard to attain. But it is still largely criminalized globally.
2. Given the trend where relationships are increasingly made on dating apps, this has been shown to be a largely lose lose scenario for all but a very small minority of people, since the other side of the coin are men who are attractive that only lead women on for their own gain. It is another example of tech companies acting irresponsibly whilst under the guise of progress.

 

[ManchildLoser]

It's hard for men to approach women because of other men. If men would just be good then there wouldn't be an issue. I'm not about to feel sympathy for men. This is a men world. They'll be just fine.

In what kind of bubble are you living in?
We are not in the 60s anymore, 2023 is a women's world, at least in North America.
Maybe you should be reminded than men kill themselves 3 times more than women. That is a fact.

And how is it the fault of other men for approaching women? That makes no sense and clearly you dont know what you are talking about.

 

[RoundaboutResolved]

All incel issues seem to stem from the man's lack of self worth & confidence & they blame everyone else but themselves. I can see why they are here at a suicide site as most are seriously depressed & suicidal (tbh tho I wish they weren't here).