Why do you come to this site? Think deep and hard.

[SinisterKid]

I kinda get sick of writing it, but here I go again. This is a PRO CHOICE site, not pro death, pro life, pro recovery, PRO CHOICE. People are here for a multitude of reasons. Hopefully, whatever choices are made after joining this place, they are informed ones. If you want to try and recover and need support in that, hopefully you will find some here. If you want to leave and try to get on with living, hopefully you are more educated and less ignorant than when you arrived. If you are determined that life ends here, I hope you receive support in that choice and support in making your last hours as dignified as it is possible to make them from afar. If anyone suffers in any way, I hope others reach out to them and try to ease that suffering.

That is what this place is about. That is why I am here. Support might well be available elsewhere online, but I have not found anywhere that can cater for all of the above in one place. This place does that and more.

 

[Ghost2211]

I came here for knowledge. I stayed here because I realized I can help since I can empathize, and for support.

 

[nitrogen]

Could you elaborate? I don't quite understand what you mean, so I don't know if I'm troubled, untroubled, or indifferent!

@56709 puts it really well, right after this post of yours. That's what I meant.

Also this from my original post: This place nurtures a dynamic, ironically, of false positivity. It strips away the complexity of real-life with its pre-existing relations and the inescapability of our pasts while fostering selective openness and essentially mandating warmth - the perfect recipe for a 'hug to death' box.

I can see how the supportive atmosphere here is valuable to people who actively plan to ctb soon.

For those who want to gain exceptional friendships, romantic relationships, wisdom, advice for self-improvement, I believe what they need is mutual admiration, self-discovery, reciprocal rationalization, mutual need satisfaction, honesty, etc. I doubt them sucking in cheap artificial sentiments is fundamentally beneficial in the long run.

What's worse, some members go before the moderator and tell other members what they can post and what they cannot post. Often enough, the content they believe shouldn't be alllowed on the site is approved by the moderator.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Most people lack self-approval, aka, they haven't developed a self-image that they can believe is both accurate AND acceptable. Since they lack or haven't figure out the techniques to attain true self-acceptance, they instead seek good opinions on themselves and validation from other people for self-approval, they attempt to present themselves to others in an appealing way.

I agree, from both discussing this with a clinician and being an odd counter example. It's easy to see I'm a pretty self loathing dude who does the opposite of that with what this clinician calls "a nearly delusional level of depression about yourself, Mr unique"

This speaks to what must be a statistically significant, if smaller, and still "dangerous" (if you will, to themselves in the pro life sense) segment of the user base at SS. it's maybe closer to what you called accurate, in the sense of not overly self validating, but in so doing: not acceptable.

the purpose of this site being mainly "to support each other" (is) troubling.

I agree that for a literal life or death decision that an environment of (useful) pushback gets more done. I'm in the middle of a wordy, albeit young, PM with a member who is anything but pro life. I'm not a pro lifer either and I think at least I could be called "one foot in the bus," since I'm not willing to speak for another member. Even then, we are both at a place of advocating CONTINUING to breath to each other: not ceasing. This is because we've both resources the other's not known.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I came to this site in search of reliable ctb methods, perform research, and find the courage I need to finally go through with the act. I do realize that I will at some point need to take matters into my own hands. Either ctb, or try to resolve my issues and get out of this state of purgatory. I can't live on this site forever.

 

[Schadenfreude]

I came here solely so I can find like-minded people who are adamant in their goal to CTB. However, as you said, there happens to be a lot of people who come here seeking emotional support, and its codependent toxicity reaches a whole new level due to that. At the same time, there's no harm in seeking support as long as it doesn't 'cross the boundary', so to speak. I came here recently because I've nowhere else left to go and felt cornered. I've already decided to end my life within this year, so that's my only true solace.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Yeah I mean, I think I need to clarify my position a little bit:

I deal with a lot of ass clowns in my life. They don't give constructive criticism, not that I tell them about being at the bus stop, and in the middle of closing the books. I've mentioned in other posts that an unrelated physical illness interrupted an attempt in May. I've been pretty peeved since.

A person made a false criminal accusation against me in November, I think to stop what that person was an attempt - and the police got in on it, perjuring themselves. So, I mean: I don't know who thinks that putting a suicidal person in the legal system is good medicine, but whatever.

SS is the only place I feel normal, but peer support and a hug box aren't synonymous.

 

[Green Destiny]

I came to this site because I want to connect with people who have decided to take fate into their own hands and wish to CTB because I'm a firm believer in choosing when it's your time to go be it for physical ailments or mental reasons. Also to get better info on methods to CTB.

 

[KadathianStr1d3r]

To feel belonging among those afflicted with the same life ending ideas such as I.
I came here seeking encouragement to kms before Christmas 2018 but instead I found communion and an indescribable depth of valuable knowledge that overall changed my being.
Now I am just hoping to be brave enough to end it soon, I feel a great deal of hurt rising from the rift of fate and like always I'll be the one to take the worst while the people around me will always belittle my existence, nothing has changed really except my need to leave this life has grown ever so ginormous.
I think God would understand now why we leave this wretched life, his children long abandoned his word of law and sin corrupted everything, now his few little angels want to come home very soon. Even he would tearfully embrace those angels and would understand that life he had created was corrupted beyond recognition, father I am almost ready to come home now!

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

@56709 puts it really well, right after this post of yours. That's what I meant.

Thank you for clarifying.

For those who want to gain exceptional friendships, romantic relationships, wisdom, advice for self-improvement, I believe what they need is mutual admiration, self-discovery, reciprocal rationalization, mutual need satisfaction, honesty, etc. I doubt them sucking in cheap artificial sentiments is fundamentally beneficial in the long run.

Yes, I seek wisdom and advice for self-improvement! I am intellectual and philosophical and thrive on that kind of stimulation, especially when it is reciprocal, and when there is some good back-and-forth. I have had some of those conversations here and love them.

I try very hard to provide for others the things you mention that you believe they need, not just platitudes or some variation of the things everybody says. Sometimes I miss the mark, but I make the effort with every post, and I try to be humble in making it clear my perspective may not be accurate. I never want to define others, I think it's important to let the other define themselves and to be accepting of them as they define themselves. When others do it for me, I am able to relax so much more.

What's worse, some members go before the moderator and tell other members what they can post and what they cannot post. Often enough, the content they believe shouldn't be alllowed on the site is approved by the moderator.

I can see how that would feel not so great. Sometimes I appreciate that the site is self-regulating in that way, sometimes I get irritated. People in every part of life, not just here, do that, and I struggle with learning to just let it go, let them do what people are gonna do, try to remember when I've acted the same. Not advising you, just expressing my own challenges in trying to find balance in myself and in interacting with other humans.


You are very insightful and I see many on this thread have resonated with your perspective. You've benefitted others and hooray if you got some benefit, too. I think there's room on this site for a lot of dissimilar needs to get met if we can tolerate wading through what doesn't meet our own needs.

Thanks for engaging.

 

[TheOA]

For the closure I won't find elsewhere.

 

[SpaceForGrace]

I came here because my medical condition has given me no choice. I am running out of options and CTB seems to be the only way to give my loved ones their best chance. I am desperate for a sure and peaceful stop.

 

[TAW122]

I came here ever since Reddit shut down the SS and TSS subreddit. I was floundering around without a place where I felt like I 'belonged'. At first I was not sure whether I wanted to join, but then over the summer, feeling desolate and wanting to find a method to escape a living hell, I chose the firearm to be my go to method of CTB'ing. It was after reading about firearms that I got on board. Also, knowing that there is simply no other place that is active, supportive, free of judgment, and also allows discussion of methods in which to die reliably, painlessly, and peacefully. I still went for the firearm as my go to method because of it's reliability and accessibility.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

I kinda get sick of writing it, but here I go again. This is a PRO CHOICE site, not pro death, pro life, pro recovery, PRO CHOICE. People are here for a multitude of reasons. Hopefully, whatever choices are made after joining this place, they are informed ones. If you want to try and recover and need support in that, hopefully you will find some here. If you want to leave and try to get on with living, hopefully you are more educated and less ignorant than when you arrived. If you are determined that life ends here, I hope you receive support in that choice and support in making your last hours as dignified as it is possible to make them from afar. If anyone suffers in any way, I hope others reach out to them and try to ease that suffering.

That is what this place is about. That is why I am here. Support might well be available elsewhere online, but I have not found anywhere that can cater for all of the above in one place. This place does that and more.

Can you make some kind of closed for commenting thread where you have standard responses that you can just click-and-quote?

Twould make a good resource. "Shit @SinisterKid Says." I'd for sure bookmark it.

 

[Broken Chimera]

At first I just came for the methods. Rarely chiming in or in bursts. Then I lurked for a while. Recently I started to join in and met some cool people. I'm dead set on ctb but I want to support others on their decision. I want others to feel welcomed like I was. To be able to talk with like minded people who been where I am mentally. People that "get me". Ik I'm gonna do it one day unless a miracle happens. But until I do I want to support others here who've been to hell and back. Because ik what it's like to fight with no one in your corner.

It might sound cheesy but I care about this forum, and I will until I ctb.

 

[Whynot32]

I am here to accept that my destiny was not my fault. This is who I am, this is where I need to be. I knew my life would end at my own hands before I was at an age I could comprehend what that meant. I come here to relate, so I can better understand myself and my reasoning. I come here to be OK.

 

[Grandexit]

We are all here for different reasons. I'm sure lots of us are here because we're not interested in people pleasing for just one f'ing minute in our lives. You do you, and let others do their own thing.

 

[HannahB]

Why do humans grasp at any concept? Arent they all ironically a false sense of hope? You imply that one kind of relationship is more valuable than another which I disagree with. Life itself is an addictive cycle of lies attempting to comfort and distract from the human condition. This site lays bare all those preconceived notions of right and wrong and it just 'is' in the same way humans just 'are'. There is no need to justify of explain that as valuable that's why I come here. To support that which is by being non judgemental. Life is not more important than death happiness not more important than sadness but recognition is priceless. Everything that makes up your consiousness is nothing more than a dead man's recognition of somthing. That is what lives on that's what the after life is that is what life and death and everything is and it deserves recognition, all of it, not just parts.

 

[jgm63]

I've noticed that most SS'ers come to the site to seek supportive relationships rather than candid relationships.

I'd like to point out (again) that only the open and candid relationship/friendships can contribute to true self-acceptance. Most people lack self-approval, aka, they haven't developed a self-image that they can believe is both accurate AND acceptable. Since they lack or haven't figure out the techniques to attain true self-acceptance, they instead seek good opinions on themselves and validation from other people for self-approval, they attempt to present themselves to others in an appealing way. They easily get caught up in such quests so they're unable to see an honest reflection of themselves, they're easily affected by other people's opinions on them, they follow the mainstream values and established moral fashions specific to a group of people even if they disagree. Perhaps the biggest irony is that, unconsciously, they don't even believe those "compliments" from others are genuine and should be given full credit, because they know those compliments, validations and approvals are only based on the distorted self-image or only their most flattering angle they try so hard to present on the outside.

People come to this site for different reasons. An SS'er who's been having a deep long PM conversation with me decided to step back from this site a while ago. This is his thoughts: I realized that fundamentally what I was getting out of SS was a stirring of feelings that are very hard to access. That I'd found a shortcut to emotional intensity. But that it exists only in this artificial environment. This place nurtures a dynamic, ironically, of false positivity. It strips away the complexity of real-life with its pre-existing relations and the inescapability of our pasts while fostering selective openness and essentially mandating warmth - the perfect recipe for a 'hug to death' box. If you are going to ctb then that works. But it is heavily expurgated; it's not real. So if you're not going to ctb then it's just inviting a cycle of emotions like a fucking addict trying to escape interminable numbness.

I'm on this site mainly to gain knowledge on ctb methods and cope with my existence while ctb is constantly on my mind. SS is very useful to some people, but may not be so for others, could be especially tricky for those seeking recovery - it really comes down to your needs.

PS, I find certain members who insist on the purpose of this site being mainly "to support each other" troubling.

What follows is (obviously) purely my opinion :

I find your analysis a little intellectual and perhaps slightly lacking in love.
People do the best they can in the moment, in the situations they are in.
Some gestures may only go so far, but maybe help a little bit and are better than nothing.
Other gestures and words may penetrate deeply to the core of someone and touch a deep place.
Analysing and judging these things is meaningless.
Love just gets on with it, as best it can.
And silence is always a higher intelligence than thought.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Life itself is an addictive cycle of lies attempting to comfort and distract from the human condition.

A qualified disagreement: life since the point when the species developed agriculture. Things before that weren't completely dystopic but they kept folks too occupied for many distractions.

Even this board's something of a leisure activity. The price of admission, internet aside, is capability with English, as common as it may be.
I'm gonna respond to that with the sort of pushback I referenced in this very thread, and that's getting me viewed as some sort of Scrooge. Hand to God, I mean this from a kind place.

I find your analysis a little intellectual and perhaps slightly lacking in love.

Harsh love is a thing.

People do the best they can in the moment, in the situations they are in.

The people to whom nitrogen is responding - and with whom I agree so much so that I'm typing this, not to steal thunder from nitrogen - are doing undoubtedly doing their best. However, again, in matters of life, limb, and eyesight, "oh well, we did our best" rings hollow, I hope you agree.

Some gestures may only go so far, but maybe help a little bit and are better than nothing.

Nicht wahr.

Other gestures and words may penetrate deeply to the core of someone and touch a deep place.

Yes.

Analysing and judging these things is meaningless.

That may be the case, but to say shenanigans are what they are might enhance a life about to needlessly snuff itself.

Love just gets on with it, as best it can. And silence is always a higher intelligence than thought.

I want to reiterate everything I'm writing as being from a place of kindness, because as well meaning as I'm sure these last two sentences are? They come off as empty platitudes.

All the best,
unique

 

[WhyIsLife56]

@ctbUniquectb Just cause someone has good intentions doesn't necessarily mean they're all "good"
Harsh love is what also makes a cold world. It can also lead to abuse within a family environment.

 

[ManWithNoName]

Then there are those who are in pain from a terminal illness and seek info on self deliverance. Though admittedly that the more anyone interacts here, the more likelihood of some kind of relationship comes about.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

@ctbUniquectb Just cause someone has good intentions doesn't necessarily mean they're all "good"
Harsh love is what also makes a cold world. It can also lead to abuse within a family environment.

I think you tagged me incorrectly because that was the point of my post

unrelated but I'm glad for the opportunity: your posts are godly. nothing I hadn't discerned but Very Well Said and I'm giving you props if I bother with a goodbye thread

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I think you tagged me incorrectly because that was the point of my post

unrelated but I'm glad for the opportunity: your posts are godly. nothing I hadn't discerned but Very Well Said and I'm giving you props if I bother with a goodbye thread

Well.. That took a different turn but thanks
(Not sure if I should use an emoji) (oh what the hell)
So you're saying you disagree with harsh love?

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Well.. That took a different turn but thanks
(Not sure if I should use an emoji) (oh what the hell) ❤
So you're saying you disagree with harsh love?

more about the badness of good intentions

since I probably phrased it poorly, your affiant sayeth naught about harsh love

 

[WhyIsLife56]

more about the badness of good intentions

since I probably phrased it poorly, your affiant sayeth naught about harsh love

You said that "we did our best" rings hollow. Sometimes that's all we humans can do. Humans do have their limitations after all.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

You said that "we did our best" rings hollow. Sometimes that's all we humans can do. Humans do have their limitations after all.

This is more kludgy than I like to say things when I'm not kidding around, but I remember from the military to lead, follow, or stay the hell out of the way.

I'm really not aiming to be argumentative about this because I see the more empathic view you and jgm63 represent. I tend towards empathy over "results" ::shudders:: on almost any other issue, but I've gotta go with nitrogen's thrust in this.

Same team, and all that, though.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

This is more kludgy than I like to say things when I'm not kidding around, but I remember from the military to lead, follow, or stay the hell out of the way.

I'm really not aiming to be argumentative about this because I see the more empathic view you and jgm63 represent. I tend towards empathy over "results" ::shudders:: on almost any other issue, but I've gotta go with nitrogen's thrust in this.

Same team, and all that, though.

Over analyzing is going to go nowhere. And it doesn't mean that person's pain is going to disappear just because theyre suddenly not allowed to post something. That's being too authoratative.

This will be my last post on this thread so I won't be saying anything else. Peace :)

 

[Shinbu]

To learn about painless methods, or close to painless. I can finally be liberated thanks to SS when the time comes.

 

[ctbUniquectb]

Over analyzing is going to go nowhere. And it doesn't mean that person's pain is going to disappear just because theyre suddenly not allowed to post something. That's being too authoratative.

This will be my last post on this thread so I won't be saying anything else. Peace :)

And peace with you because not derailing is important. My bad on that.

You opened my eyes to what I'd not considered, that it's important to not stifle folks either. I hope it shows that wasn't my angle.

edit: spelling