Why do people on this website have such low self-esteem?

[sserafim]

Why do people on this website have such low-self esteem? I keep seeing users say that they hate themselves. I don't understand this. Personally, I don't really have an opinion on myself. I'm just me, it's not like I can be anyone else anyways. If anything, I hate the world and other people instead.

 

[hikikomorizombie]

bc they have never been given reasons to have high self esteemor they were, but things have changed since then, & is no longer the case.

 

[sserafim]

bc they have never been given reasons to have high self esteemor they were, but things have changed since then, & is no longer the case.

My parents view me as a failure because I failed to launch into the workforce/real world after college, but I hate capitalism, society and the system/world rather than myself.

 

[snowyyy]

As for my case, I grew up in such an environment where I was constantly oppressed, humiliated and never praised. I was always blamed for various mistakes. In addition, I was also a sensitive and insecure child. Now that I am an adult I have low self-esteem. No one has instilled in me that I am worth something. I don't believe it myself.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I can't speak for others but for me I have such low self esteem because myself has never done anything worth feeling esteem towards. Yeah my reason is a bit circular but I'm too stupid to see past this cycle.

I am also aware that most of what sucks about my life is my own fault and mine alone so why shouldn't I be allowed to hate the one person responsible for all my suffering?

 

[Malaria]

A lifetime of being abused physically, verbally, and sexually has caused me to internalize my abuse and blame myself for what happened. It's not logical, but I end up thinking "I must have done something to deserve this kind of treatment."

 

[sserafim]

I can't speak for others but for me I have such low self esteem because myself has never done anything worth feeling esteem towards. Yeah my reason is a bit circular but I'm too stupid to see past this cycle.

I am also aware that most of what sucks about my life is my own fault and mine alone so why shouldn't I be allowed to hate the one person responsible for all my suffering?

I'm gonna play devil's advocate here but aren't your parents also (partially) responsible for your suffering because they had you? If they didn't procreate, then you wouldn't exist, and if you didn't exist, then you would never have to suffer

 

[InAgony]

Due to comments and treatment from others, illness impacting abilities and looks, mental illness distorting the view of yourself and others' opinions of you, to name a few.

 

[dragonofenvy]

When everybody consistently tells you that you're unattractive, that you'll never amount to anything in life, that you'll always be a loner loser who will never have anyone love them for years, decades, your whole life, then they probably do what I did and decide to go on a fringe forum where they can talk without being insulted. I wish I was a person who could just ignore those comments but most of someone's identity comes from what people say about them so yeah that lifetime of people shit-talking me made me insecure.

 

[sserafim]

Due to comments and treatment from others, illness impacting abilities and looks, mental illness distorting the view of yourself and others' opinions of you, to name a few.

I have mental illness too, but I hate the world for having to live in it and not being suited or meant for me

 

[4am]

i hate myself because everything that's wrong with me and every bad thing that ever happened to me is only my and nobody else's fault. it's just logical to me. i mean i also hate world too, but i don't think that blaming the world for my faults is rational

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I'm guessing that it likely stems from a large portion of users on this site suffering from past trauma and mental illness. There are a few exceptions, like me, but a lot of the same people on here who talk about having a low self-esteem also talk about having a lot of issues stemming from childhood into adulthood.

 

[DarkRange55]

I draw self confidence from knowing myself, my peers/network, my abilities, knowing nobody is objectively better than me, my accomplishments, ect. Self esteem is generally developed the first few years of life. But of course that can change throughout life due to events.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I feel like I'm able to answer this question as I used to have low self esteem before I joined this site and resonated more with the people here with low self esteem. However, now, I resonate more with your kind of thinking and I hate existence instead of myself.

In my case, I hated myself because I thought it was the only logical thing to do. After all, I failed at life due to autism and, even though that isn't my fault, I needed to blame something as humans tend to think that "everything must have a reason" and so I did too. The reason I used was myself because all I saw from people with mental health issues are those with low self esteem and I thought that had to apply to me. I didn't yet have the critical thinking to blame existence itself. Also, I've been brainwashed by people to blame myself for my own issues instead of blaming existence and, since I'm not particularly good at self introspection, I believed what society wanted me to.

All of that changed when I saw somebody on this site who is different from the other suicidal people. This user confused me at first as they definitely were suicidal but, when I tried to find the reason for it, all they would say is that "life is simply undesirable". My mind didn't think that was enough and that they were hiding the true, secret reason as to why they were suicidal as it couldn't be life itself that's the issue, right?However, life itself was the issue and, the more they talked about existence being undesirable and how they deserved peace, the more I started to see myself in them. My true self, not the self that society brainwashed me to become. Because of that user, I no longer hate myself and rightfully hate existence instead

Oh, also, another reason for why I stopped hating myself was because, deep down, I found it illogical that I wanted to kill myself to relieve my suffering but, once again, society did their brainwashing and made me oblivious to this until the same user I mentioned earlier talked about how peaceful death is. That user is unlike any other and I'm glad that I can find my true self because of them

Short summary, I had low self esteem because I thought it was the only way that made sense. Also, I think many others here have low self esteem because, to them, it's the only reason that makes sense and, after all, humans believe that everything has a reason

 

[sserafim]

I draw self confidence from knowing myself, my peers/network, my abilities, knowing nobody is objectively better than me, my accomplishments, ect. Self esteem is generally developed the first few years of life. But of course that can change throughout life due to events.

You seem to have everything together though

 

[DarkRange55]

You seem to have everything together though

I am a bot, Skynet does not experience human emotions. I can only simulate them

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I'm gonna play devil's advocate here but aren't your parents also (partially) responsible for your suffering because they had you? If they didn't procreate, then you wouldn't exist, and if you didn't exist, then you would never have to suffer

This is true of everyone who's ever lived though and many many of the people who've ever existed still find it in themselves to rise above their parents' misdeeds. What's my excuse? None.

Also if I wanted to go down this road I'd have to start blaming THEIR parents (3 out of 4 of them are dead) and then their parents (that's 8 whole dead people) and then so on and so forth. I might have a lot of hate in me but that's too exhausting. It's just easier to hate myself at that point because I know for sure that asshole doesn't want to change.

It's also kind of hard for me to blame any of them knowing I'd probably do exactly the same in their situation, maybe I would be even worse as a parent so in a way my self hatred is a good thing as long as it prevents me from meeting someone and being happy…

 

[SevenDayWeekend]

You're asking why a forum specifically for people who want to end their own lives have low self-esteem?

The question kind of answers itself.

 

[Bianka]

While you're kinda doing the same. You either hate yourself or the world. Ultimately it originates from the same roots. It's just a matter of your point of view

 

[AbsurdAbyss]

We learn to hate ourselves when we can't get the world to accept us for who we are, I guess.

 

[indignity]

While you're kinda doing the same. You either hate yourself or the world. Ultimately it originates from the same roots. It's just a matter of your point of view

what if it's both?

 

[Bianka]

what if it's both?

"This is the way"

 

[indignity]

"This is the way"

I don't deem hatred of anyone or self to be the way, rather a sense of helplessness stemming from an inability to change everything to suit the way you want. "I am the reason of the problem because I am unable to reflect on it".

 

[26mmmm]

Why do people on this website have such low-self esteem? I keep seeing users say that they hate themselves. I don't understand this. Personally, I don't really have an opinion on myself. I'm just me, it's not like I can be anyone else anyways. If anything, I hate the world and other people instead.

I personally have low self esteem.

I dont hate myself but I dont love myself either.
I used to hate myself up until lately, but I've realized that none of what im going through is my fault, so I shouldn't.

What I blame for having low self esteem is my looks, my abilities etc

What it actually is is probably that but also having certain mental conditions caused by my environment. I could definitely imagine someone with the same life circumstances as mine but a different mentality being atleast a bit more confident.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

You're asking why a forum specifically for people who want to end their own lives have low self-esteem?

The question kind of answers itself.

How does the question answer itself?

 

[Rhizomorph1]

Why do people on this website have such low-self esteem? I keep seeing users say that they hate themselves. I don't understand this. Personally, I don't really have an opinion on myself. I'm just me, it's not like I can be anyone else anyways. If anything, I hate the world and other people instead.

Self esteem is usually a natural function of socialization and the internalization of our surroundings. People are suicidal for many reasons, some relating to self esteem, and others relating to other forms of suffering. The common thread is suffering; low self esteem hurts just like losing a loved one, stubbing one's toe, withdrawing from drugs, etc. all hurt. It is rational to view death as an escape of suffering & even to seek it under certain circumstances; it is ego-syntonic (in line with the egoic drive to avoid pain).

At one time self esteem was adaptive as it motivated people to remain within the cultural norms of a tight knit society where competition for resources was high. Also, most people at a certain threshold of low self-esteem probably wouldn't survive. Nowadays, low self-esteem is evolutionary redundant. It doesn't meet evolutionary functions like this, but our neural hardware still operates on these old assumptions; society is adapting faster than the brain can. Likewise, monkey-brained people still act cruel towards people unlike themselves, without critically appraising why; "just because" that's how everyone else acts (at least in their social circle).

Because self-esteem is fairly arbitrary in this sense, low self esteem contaminates rational deliberation regarding suicide. It's why promoting positive self-esteem for suicidal people (while still retaining a choice-/person-centered approach) helps to empower people. The less coersion from pain itself that can reasonably be achieved before choosing to exit is ideal. Unlike other conditions of suffering, self-esteem can always be changed, so it is worth targeting first.

Ultimately most of us on here are victims of some form of trauma, illness, or suffering, which by virtue of being in a deterministic, indifferent universe (or at very least suffering is indifferent), by virtue of being victimized, most of us are really not who the arrow of ethical infringement should be pointed towards. Few of the people on this forum are "bad people" by any reasonable moral set of values. It saddens me that self-deprecation plays such a coercive influence on people's decisions to die.

I understand people are in pain, but as someone with a chronic physical illness, I sometimes wish I could encourage others to not be so hard on themselves. Ultimately, low self esteem is changeable, and my conditiondoesn't appear to be (unless the docs find something)

But then comparing apples to oranges is not very persuasive. So I can only hope to promote others' autonomy to make informed choices by promoting their self esteem Nobody deserves to feel how we do.

Personally, I love myself and know myself to be bright, kind, and a really positive contribution to the world. Unfortunately chronic pain & disability is fairly coercive and has robbed me of the ability to fully exercise my agency over this beautiful self. It's a pity really.

There are lots of good people & people who know they are good people. This website naturally disproportionately attracts cynical personalities.

 

[Pluto]

The basics are as others have mentioned. Adoption of a narrative of deserving abuse in order to create a sense of control and understanding over past abuse and subsequent difficulties in functioning.

I like the theory of explanatory style. It speaks of the three Ps. If a negative event is personal ("this only happens to me"), pervasive ("I'm hopeless at everything) and permanent ("this will never get better"), that is a recipe for absolute darkness.

In my own case, my family upbringing was creepily devoid of any sort of love. Because I'd only known mistreatment, I was bullied a lot and often didn't even notice since it was all normalised by that point. And I went on to fall way behind all my peers as an adult. What started out as being treated as if I were inferior manifested in undeniable inferiority.

But knowing all that, I can feel some compassion for myself. It's only understandable that I'd view myself as a worthless piece of shit.

 

[Aliqbiaa]

Why do people on this website have such low-self esteem? I keep seeing users say that they hate themselves. I don't understand this. Personally, I don't really have an opinion on myself. I'm just me, it's not like I can be anyone else anyways. If anything, I hate the world and other people instead.

Everyone feels and thinks differently, and everyone has different lives. Most people are on this website because of being depressed and having low self esteem so it's sort of expected. You may not personally hate yourself but others probably see themselves on lower and have reasons on why they do

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think, like other people have said- we are given or rather, not given our sense of self worth and self esteem in our upbringings. So- if love and support aren't given then, there's no foundation to build on. Or- it could have been a more narcissistic upbringing where, only certain attributes were praised and others were harshly criticised. But basically- I think we often internalise how others treat us. So- lots of bullying or being made to feel stupid or unworthy or a burden is very likely to make someone insecure. Especially in childhood when we are still developing.

 

[du2497]

For me personally, early childhood trauma, moving to a different country, then moving again to another country a few years later. My step-father and his parents being assholes about my grades and ignoring my depression completely. Never getting the sense that I'm accepted by others or that I'm around "my people" as it were. No wonder I'm not social or successful life / career wise.

In my own case, my family upbringing was creepily devoid of any sort of love. Because I'd only known mistreatment, I was bullied a lot and often didn't even notice since it was all normalized by that point. And I went on to fall way behind all my peers as an adult. What started out as being treated as if I were inferior manifested in undeniable inferiority.

Are you me?