Why am i excluded? I swear I must have gotten cursed or something when I was real young because i can't remember a single solid long friendship i've had since middle school. One platonic real true friend has always felt like the only type of person you could call a friend. Online friends are just too far away and uncertain, i wanna be physically close to someone and do spontaneous impulsive things and have a REAL connection, online friends might as well be dming someone else while your chatting : ( Can't believe i thought high school would be my big break, it ended up with me sitting by myself quietly or just staying home for the most part since no one wanted to talk outside of class or ever hangout. I REALLY gave it a try but ended up empty handed. It really sucks to have missed out on all those memories that you are supposed to make, and i have this feeling that any friend that i make now that is my age will already have made this memories with somebody else, making it impossible for us to be true friends. How can you possibly cope with this? Knowing that you will not be somebody elses only and (maybe a little to ambitious) FIRST friend hurts so bad. Am i being possessive? Obsessive? Maybe narcissistic, whatever the word is, cause i really can't tell. I know that this way of looking at friendship is a "red flag" but there must be someone somewhere that thinks like me.
I really really REALLY don't understand what's wrong with me, it's gotten to the point that i blame everyone else instead of looking inwards. I hate feeling like such a misanthrope whenever i see people having fun since i know in my heart i am as far away from a misanthrope as can be, but at this point i can't help but feel extreme jealousy and anger when I see someone laughing and smiling with their bff. I constantly yearn for a fresh start and that makes me doubt the innocence and high opinion i have of myself at times.
Idk anyone else feel like they have been cursed lol? Because I legit do at this point. Maybe this is more common than i think and people just bite their tongue and continue with their life but i seriously don't understand how someone could do that. I am so miserable because of this i can hardly get out of bed. We are made to express our emotions after all not hold them in.
Also i guess being a neet sure as hell don't help my situation so i'm planning on making a last effort soon that involves attending a dumb university pursuing a real dumb degree but the main goal will be making a friend. Maybe we can dropout together : ) One can dream! If that fails I don't understand how I could possibly continue living if I am forced to do so alone. The only thing keeping me alive is this last hoorah.
Anyone else feel this way when it comes to friendship? That it can only be you two and nobody else? Do any of you have a real friend or maybe friends? Good or bad? I hope you do!
btw are my ideas and what i'm saying insane? pls give me an opinion
I really really REALLY don't understand what's wrong with me, it's gotten to the point that i blame everyone else instead of looking inwards. I hate feeling like such a misanthrope whenever i see people having fun since i know in my heart i am as far away from a misanthrope as can be, but at this point i can't help but feel extreme jealousy and anger when I see someone laughing and smiling with their bff. I constantly yearn for a fresh start and that makes me doubt the innocence and high opinion i have of myself at times.
Idk anyone else feel like they have been cursed lol? Because I legit do at this point. Maybe this is more common than i think and people just bite their tongue and continue with their life but i seriously don't understand how someone could do that. I am so miserable because of this i can hardly get out of bed. We are made to express our emotions after all not hold them in.
Also i guess being a neet sure as hell don't help my situation so i'm planning on making a last effort soon that involves attending a dumb university pursuing a real dumb degree but the main goal will be making a friend. Maybe we can dropout together : ) One can dream! If that fails I don't understand how I could possibly continue living if I am forced to do so alone. The only thing keeping me alive is this last hoorah.
Anyone else feel this way when it comes to friendship? That it can only be you two and nobody else? Do any of you have a real friend or maybe friends? Good or bad? I hope you do!
btw are my ideas and what i'm saying insane? pls give me an opinion
