Discussion Why do most conversations with people trying to understand/be empathetic end with "life is hard, just get over it"

[leopard_gec]

Yes life is hard, that's the issue

 

[LastFlowers]

Because it's not their life, so they don't have to "get over it".

 

[blackroseRM]

Because it's easier for them to say something like that than to actually address the societal conditions that make life difficult for most people. I forget the term, but there;s a word for phrases like that, meant to shut down conversations and be meaningless at the same time. "It is what it is" is another phrase of this type or "c'est la vie." Shut-down phrases that add nothing to the discussion and are instead dismissive of your real and valid concerns.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Because it's easier for them to say something like that than to actually address the societal conditions that make life difficult for most people. I forget the term, but there;s a word for phrases like that, meant to shut down conversations and be meaningless at the same time. "It is what it is" is another phrase of this type or "c'est la vie." Shut-down phrases that add nothing to the discussion and are instead dismissive of your real and valid concerns.

Platitudes.

 

[blackroseRM]

Platitudes.

I was thinking that, but then I could have sworn there was a more specific term for those phrases in particular. Platitudes is a more broad thing that has other phrases, right? I could be wrong, and I'm just trying to over-complicate things in my own head. Either way it gets the message across all the same. People saying seemingly "nice" things that aren't nice at all in effect.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it goes hand in hand with other not so supportive things like- We all have problems/We all have our crosses to bear- what makes you so different- ie. Why can't you cope?

I agree with others- it's a way of shutting the conversation down- they don't seem to want the details- life sucks but we all have to get on with it- type thing.

 

[newave3]

I've learned not to complain in the first place. Nobody truly cares anyway.

 

[SeeminglyFine]

I've learned not to complain in the first place. Nobody truly cares anyway.

It gets hard to not sound like a complain when you're being asked or demanded something, like even an explanation for why you're unable to do the most basic minimal things

its ridicilous though that people consider an answer to a question as a complain, why ask if the answer is being dismissed, and why give an opinion when really not being asked

 

[newave3]

It gets hard to not sound like a complain when you're being asked or demanded something, like even an explanation for why you're unable to do the most basic minimal things

its ridicilous though that people consider an answer to a question as a complain, why ask if the answer is being dismissed, and why give an opinion when really not being asked

This is true.

 

[Rainy_days]

It's interesting how the same words can have different meanings depending on who's saying it. Life is hard (suck it up) is very different from life is hard (I understand, it is for me too).

 

[MentalStefan]

Because their lives are not THAT hard so they conclude that the problem isn't life itself but you.

 

[lionetta12]

Yes life is hard, that's the issue

When I was raped that was the reply my family and teachers gave me lol as a suicidal 11 year old.

 

[FuneralCry]

I believe that comments like that come from the fact that people don't really care and they don't even want to try to understand. The opinions of people who say ridiculous things like that don't matter and are insignificant. Nobody should have to 'get over it' in the first place, I see no value and benefit to being trapped in an existence not worth enduring.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

People who don't understand what we are going through have never gone through the same shit. It is VERY easy to be dismissive and brush off our problems. They don't want to hear about it because they cannot fathom the reality that some people just don't find life worth living.

 

[_Kaira_]

"It is what it is." "That's life." "Everyone is depressed." "You don't do anything to improve yourself." "If you have it so hard, why are you still here."

Then they ask questions on why I never talk about what I'm going through or mentioning that I'm about to implode or have a breakdown...

I personally love that someone I know is constantly trying to one-up me on how hard her life has been, and justifying that I shouldn't be depressed at all. Yet still keeps telling me I can go to her about my issues. Laughable.

 

[chloramine]

Because those people either aren't interested in or aren't good at helping. As others have pointed out it's a dismissive way to shut down the conversation. Some people may not mean it to be hurtful, but it's not hard to see that it is. Granted we're never really taught how to respond and help people so it can also just be something people in lieu of anything else.

For what it's worth there are people who won't respond that way. Most people here won't and there are others in general who would care. Finding and connecting with those people is often tough. People who know what it's like seem like they're less likely to be dismissive, but even among people who haven't hurt that way there are those who will at least be sympathetic. Keep in mind that response is more revealing of them than it is whatever you've told them.

 

[Givenuponlife]

I've learned not to complain in the first place. Nobody truly cares anyway.

I've come to this view as well. I think people may be willing to lend an ear if one vents occasionally. However, if it's constant, then it ends up being a drain on people's mental resources, even if those people are well intentioned. Hence, I rein my darkest thoughts inwards.

 

[newave3]

I've come to this view as well. I think people may be willing to lend an ear if one vents occasionally. However, if it's constant, then it ends up being a drain on people's mental resources, even if those people are well intentioned. Hence, I reign my darkest thoughts inwards.

Exactly, it's question of balance. IRL, if all you do is piss and moan nobody is going to want to be around you. We all vent our frustrations to each other. It's human nature to do so. It's also human nature to avoid people that are too negative.

That's the magic of SS. We are not dealing with each other face to face. Here we can express our darkest thoughts and not have to worry about being ostracized.

 

[rationaltake]

I forget the term, but there;s a word for phrases like that, meant to shut down conversations and be meaningless at the same time. "It is what it is" is another phrase of this type or "c'est la vie." Shut-down phrases that add nothing to the discussion and are instead dismissive of your real and valid concerns.

Conversation stopper? Throwaway remark?

 

[sevenkarmas]

When my father passed a little over 11 years ago, my kids' Principal called me to let me know that we could take as much time as needed for the kids and they would work with them to stay current. He then told me that he lost his dad and he knows it's a tough thing go through. He then said "I won't say I understand how you feel, because we all deal with things differently, we all grieve differently, and our relationships are different." It was extremely profound and it let me know that other people did go through similar events without being dismissive of my loss. I wish more people were like that.

 

[aticeret]

Wow, this topic resonates with me on a personal level.

Recently I had a very unpleasant interaction with someone who has never had any mental illnesses or significant struggles in their life. For me and people over here it is an unattainable luxury. In my humble opinion, an average person, unless they are incredibly empathetic, would never ever have the ability to understand any of us until they gaze into abyss which is suicide. This experience cannot be described with words.

 

[leopard_gec]

Exactly, it's question of balance. IRL, if all you do is piss and moan nobody is going to want to be around you. We all vent our frustrations to each other. It's human nature to do so. It's also human nature to avoid people that are too negative.

That's the magic of SS. We are not dealing with each other face to face. Here we can express our darkest thoughts and not have to worry about being ostracized.

I agree, I personally never complained about those things in real life only online, in groups where people are supposedly there to help/listen/talk.