Discussion Why did you start sh?

[poplover]

curious to hear about other people's stories. when i was little, around 6 or 7 years old (im sorry), i would pinch myself really hard when i thought that i had done something bad and deserved punishment. hadn't done it since then until i was about ~18. i started cutting my arm because i wanted a girl i liked to give me attention (didnt work, unsurprisingly lol). now i mostly just do it whenever i feel lonely/stressed or when i've done something to wrong someone.

appologies if this has already been asked before. lmk and i'll take down this post, thanks.

 

[SkeletonFlower96]

to deal with numbness, anedonia, depression and pssd. started at 29 years old, but i'm not doing it too often right now.

 

[imsorryspike]

I honestly don't remember I think I was just emotionally numb and wanted to feel something, now it's all can think about, stressed, numb, tired, excited, anything

 

[Meru]

growing up I saw my sister self harm at the ripe age of like 7 or 8, she didn't really care that I would see her cut her arm like crazy. Eventually when i was like 11 I started cutting myself, around 6th grade. I was caught and got in trouble, so in 8th grade i tried being more sneaky but I was caught again by my school and was forced into a mental facility. Then I just picked it back up all throughout high school and now throughout community college. I used to cut deeper on my arms and thighs, but now its just cat scratches until i bleed on my left arm whenever i need to let frustration out. What i dont understand is why is it taboo? Im not hurting anyone else but myself, and if anything its helping me to keep pushing. the rush of constant slices makes me feel alive, and i do admit its a cry for help. I want someone to notice and ask if im okay but it doesn't happen < / 3 im lucky i haven't been "caught" again but at the same time I want someone to care, i understand when people say they want attention, even if its bad attention….

 

[waitingroom]

curious to hear about other people's stories. when i was little, around 6 or 7 years old (im sorry), i would pinch myself really hard when i thought that i had done something bad and deserved punishment. hadn't done it since then until i was about ~18. i started cutting my arm because i wanted a girl i liked to give me attention (didnt work, unsurprisingly lol). now i mostly just do it whenever i feel lonely/stressed or when i've done something to wrong someone.

appologies if this has already been asked before. lmk and i'll take down this post, thanks.

started at 10-11, choking myself over getting introuble and all over an argument with my friends, and a mix of the abuse i suffered from my dad. then again at 12, i think i bled so much i almost passed out which is crazy considering it was just an eyebrow razor! dont know where i got that idea in my head though

 

[imagonner]

i started sh as an outlet for my anger, stress and frustration

 

[suncide10]

I started at 20 I was just curious because some people said it might help to cope. I don't know if it helps honestly. I can't do it when I feel really bad to see if it helps so I just wait until I'm home alone and safe then I do it, but when that time comes I don't feel so bad. It just became a bad habit for me.

 

[endlesschatter]

I used fresh syringes that were kept at my home.
I used to inject it in my chest or tummy to see how does it go inside and i would notice blood drops coming out
Once, i dared to use a razor, it was so sharp, the moment it touched my skin, it managed to cut through and blood started coming through.

Then, I had a weird way of SH, i used to take small red ants, and i would make them bite me. It was fun to see the small itchy bulges that would sting for some time

 

[Nat.]

I started doing it when I was eleven, one day when I was shaving with a razor blade. I don't know if it started with an accidental cut,I don't remember, but it gave me some relief, so I kept doing it. I do it when I don't feel anything, as a form of punishment, or to relieve stress.

 

[kvkv2307]

curious to hear about other people's stories. when i was little, around 6 or 7 years old (im sorry), i would pinch myself really hard when i thought that i had done something bad and deserved punishment. hadn't done it since then until i was about ~18. i started cutting my arm because i wanted a girl i liked to give me attention (didnt work, unsurprisingly lol). now i mostly just do it whenever i feel lonely/stressed or when i've done something to wrong someone.

appologies if this has already been asked before. lmk and i'll take down this post, thanks.

I was struggling with a lot of anxiety and had just gotten out of a relationship that left me with immense guilt and depression because of somthing that I had done, and I ended up making a new friend, they would talk about thier sh a lot with me and even showed me their fresh cuts a few times and one day I had gotten curious and tried it myself. The adrenaline rush that I got from it was so addicting and the wave of relief that it gives made me continue.

 

[DewDr0p]

as a kid i always picked at scabs. especially when anxious, then in like high school? i would do it when stressed like a LOT, my hands were covered in little scabs. after highschool my mental health improved, but a couple months ago it crashed and i started using a knife to open more wounds to pick at, and in the last few weeks ive given up on the scab bullshit and have just been creating cuts so i have pain to ground and distract myself from social anxiety.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

as a really little kid i used to hit my head against the wall. the first time i self harmed in a way that i thought of as self harm though was sometime in grade school (i dont remember which grade exactly) when a classmate told me about cutting and i tried it to try and understand why someone would do it.

 

[sferic]

as a really little kid i used to hit my head against the wall

same but i've kept the habit up to 22 years old among other things. i don't recommend it

 

[midwallace]

The first time I did it consciously was after a friendship breakup lol, I'm not really sure what happened, but I started with intense scratching and then cutting myself. Now I just do it when I'm bored, sad, angry, when I need to punish myself or sometimes when I notice the scars are starting to fade

 

[Rev346]

I was 26. I thought to myself "I'm not able to kill myself now. What if I started cutting myself in non vital areas to desensitize myself so that I can build up to slicing a major artery?" After cutting my bicep a few times I found that cutting was addictive. Generally I use a sharp kitchen knife (not serrated) but my favorite part is putting alcohol on the cut to sanitize it. I just love that cold burning sensation.

 

[adamantc]

curious to hear about other people's stories. when i was little, around 6 or 7 years old (im sorry), i would pinch myself really hard when i thought that i had done something bad and deserved punishment. hadn't done it since then until i was about ~18. i started cutting my arm because i wanted a girl i liked to give me attention (didnt work, unsurprisingly lol). now i mostly just do it whenever i feel lonely/stressed or when i've done something to wrong someone.

appologies if this has already been asked before. lmk and i'll take down this post, thanks.

I love the taste of blood. I just couldn't get enough from licking wounds, and graduated to cutting. Soon after, I was extracting it with a cannula. Very tasty stuff.

 

[CareLessMeaningLess]

Around at 11-12 I would sometimes strangle myself, hit myself and slam my head against the wall. I was still scared of doing actual damage so most of the times I held back. I needed someway to punish myself and handle my anger. Later on at 14 I started to cut. Mostly my wrist, sometimes my shoulder, hand and chest. It worked for a year as I found away to actually hurt myself while handling my anger. Though later on it also got addicting. I stopped after my parents took away one of my knifes but I still harmed myself by starting to hit myself. Unlike when I was younger this time it left my cheek numb for several days and sometimes would leave me a temporary bruise. I still hit myself now when I feel really bad.

 

[delinquentsandwich]

I started off mostly out of curiosity- to see if the physical pain and sensation during emotional overload would help
and yeah, it worked like a charm

never did anything crazy, don't do it anymore cause it's a hassle to clean up and hide
but I just love seeing myself bleed.. the razor sharp blade cutting my skin like it's nothing
I was too scared to go deeper haha

 

[rllymiserable]

for attention lol i was 9/10 and my home life was really miserable and abusive , but then the reasons kept changing, i was bullied, at some point i got addited to it too one when i was 15/16 ig, i hate my body, i hate myself, interactions with people, isolation, life situation, some times the voices and thoughts made me do it

 

[cantthinkofusername]

i started when i was a kid because i couldnt regulate my emotions and it helped me not break down crying at school

 

[BunBun]

I accidentally got mild hypothermia at one point and kinda got addicted to the uncontrollable shaking feeling, and the feeling of my hands burning from the cold. I would also pour salt water on small paper cuts. Though I do not recommend doing this because too much salt in a saltwater mix can cause tissue damage, if I remember correctly.

 

[iwantangels]

I don't remember exactly why I started, but the reason I continued was just because I enjoyed it. It has always been rare that I would hurt myself over being upset or stressed. I would usually do it if I felt very happy or excited actually.
For me it is not something I view as needing to recover from. In practice I do it very carefully, sterile, and assure that it will not leave permanent damage.

 

[darksouls]

I have been self-harming for as long as I can remember
because my mother abused me
I started with cigarettes and razorblades when I was about 12 years old

 

[deadngoresurgery]

curious to hear about other people's stories. when i was little, around 6 or 7 years old (im sorry), i would pinch myself really hard when i thought that i had done something bad and deserved punishment. hadn't done it since then until i was about ~18. i started cutting my arm because i wanted a girl i liked to give me attention (didnt work, unsurprisingly lol). now i mostly just do it whenever i feel lonely/stressed or when i've done something to wrong someone.

appologies if this has already been asked before. lmk and i'll take down this post, thanks.

it just comforts me a lot. i used to try and self harm by scratching my arm once when i was in middle school because my mom made fun of me and took my phone away and punished me for crying and screaming while they drew my blood (i have a huge fear of needles) and then i would also pinch myself really hard in high school. now im 19 and since last year i would bruise my arm and then cut my stomach (so no one can see my cuts lol). theyre not super deep cuts or anything, i just want something to sting to distract me from emotional pain. i use my eyebrow razor to give myself cuts on my stomach. i also like doing it to like punish myself for existing. i just want to die so badly now. i dont bruise myself anymore, but i think im gonna go do it today again lol.

 

[desiderium]

Self-harm serves two major purposes for me:

1. To make me feel nothing when I feel everything all at once.
2. To make me feel something when I feel nothing at all.

I started cutting when I was around eleven, and my 'girlfriend' at the time recommended it to me. I had a lot of undiagnosed issues (that are now diagnosed) and was severely struggling to cope with them. I still struggle to this day, and self-harm has never left my side.

Sometimes I have breakdowns and bad days. My emotions hit me all at once, and I feel like I'm suffocating on them from the inside out. I can't breathe. I can't even cry enough to make a dent in them- it's just a knotted, throbbing mess of feeling that's scraping away at my chest. I can't see straight or even think over the cacophony of voices and emotion rattling around inside my skull. So, obviously, I grab a blade and fix it. The pain is immediate and grounding. Maybe I can't decipher the tangle of emotions that are screaming in my body, but pain doesn't need deciphering. I know what it is. I know how it feels. With every cut, with every voluntary swipe, that knot of emotions begins to untangle until there is nothing left but emptiness. Blissful emptiness.

Conversely, I have days where I feel nothing at all. I don't even feel emptiness, or feel the lack of emotion. I wake up some days and stare blankly at the ceiling, unable to care about anything at all. My job? I can't be bothered to get out of bed for it. My friends who are messaging? Couldn't care less. I can't even remember what 'caring' feels like. Of course, unfortunately, I can't live my life in complete and utter apathy. Bills need paid. The fridge needs stocked. The garbage has to be taken out. My solution is to simply grab a blade and force myself to feel something- pain. I can feel the sharp sting of slicing myself open. I can feel how badly it hurts, or how satisfying it is to see blood welling on my skin. Then, all at once, I'm feeling something again! Now I can go to work. Now I can get groceries. Now I can talk to my friends, because apathy has been replaced by pain.