why are you still here?

[bluevalentine]

wishful thinking that one day ill wake up and things will be different but unfortunately things dont change cuz i dont change lol

 

[bellaisdonewithlife]

I'm hoping it's my last month, but I'm struggling to find someone in BC in the underworld that I could pay to help me exit or a partner to exit with.

 

[systemic_livestock]

Frankly, I'm scared shitless of death but i'm also afraid of continuing to living a horrible life and wishing ive done it sooner. I'm at a point in my life where I can fix things with the community college method and go to a 4 year to have a good life, I'm just always been a horrible student, I wonder if I'll ever fix things so I do have some hope even if it feels like its fleeting especially because even if I do well at college what if I dont find a good job. I'm currently waiting things out but I still cant stop thinking about death. for most of my entire life ive always wished for things to get better, they haven't and Frankly I wish I killed myself sooner before I transitioned somtimes because I dont want people to think I only killed myself because I'm trans. Although I don't think I'll be able to care after I CTB.