Why are you still here?

[Ldog9]

I see that a lot of people are still here because they do not want to hurt their family, at least I'm not the only one, it's really hard to think about the suffering of the family afterwards.

other than some practical reasons and opportunity, only reason i haven't ctb. but i think in the long run, this existence i'm living is even more painful and i'm only delaying the inevitable.

 

[Eren]

other than some practical reasons and opportunity, only reason i haven't ctb. but i think in the long run, this existence i'm living is even more painful and i'm only delaying the inevitable.

I'm in the same situation, it's my main reason why I'm still here, also the instinct of survival and the fear of dying (I know it sounds stupid, but it's really hard to break that instinct) but my main motive is the damage that It will provoke my mother, it prevents me from doing anything.

 

[Dragon]

A mix between fear, uncertainty of peacefulness, and being overly-cautious to ensure I don't fail :-D

 

[azucaramargo]

I deal more with bipolar depression which it is currently in the process of being approved for, and it works wonders. I forget about ctb and self harm. I'm happy, fun. A little spontaneous and it helps my libido. I've been on wellbutrin, Zoloft, seroquel, rexulti, and abilify and none of them did anything for me. With Vraylar withing 2 days, I can tell a difference.

Hi Selfish Mom (though I SO doubt that is an accurate description of you, based on your very kind and thoughtful posts),

I saw your post when I searched for Vraylar. I've just been prescribed it in addition to lamictal. (I take some other stuff too). My main complaint was hypersexuality and some reckless behavior.

Would you mind telling me more about your personal experience on this medication? If you don't want to, that's fine--private message, public message, doesn't matter to me. Thank you for posting about this drug.

Xoxox

 

[SelfishMom]

Hi Selfish Mom (though I SO doubt that is an accurate description of you, based on your very kind and thoughtful posts),

I saw your post when I searched for Vraylar. I've just been prescribed it in addition to lamictal. (I take some other stuff too). My main complaint was hypersexuality and some reckless behavior.

Would you mind telling me more about your personal experience on this medication? If you don't want to, that's fine--private message, public message, doesn't matter to me. Thank you for posting about this drug.

Xoxox

For me, I only experienced 2 symptoms really. Restlessness at night that resolved after around 3 weeks on the drug and difficulty achieving orgasm. It made me feel like what what I imagine I would feel like if I had no mental illness. A relatively low dose of 1.5mg works beautifully for me. The only issue is the hoops I've had to jump through to TRY to get insurance to cover it.

 

[Deafsn0w]

I don't want to leave my family behind

 

[azucaramargo]

For me, I only experienced 2 symptoms really. Restlessness at night that resolved after around 3 weeks on the drug and difficulty achieving orgasm. It made me feel like what what I imagine I would feel like if I had no mental illness. A relatively low dose of 1.5mg works beautifully for me. The only issue is the hoops I've had to jump through to TRY to get insurance to cover it.

Thank you, SelfishMom. You're the first person I've "met" who takes this drug, so I really appreciate your sharing your experience. I wonder why insurance doesn't cover it...I wonder if it's considered off-label use for bipolar and depression because it was initially made for schizophrenia??? I was just given some samples by my shrink, so I have yet to fight the insurance battle. Thanks for the heads up. Xoxoxox

 

[anelakapu]

Is it possible to be a bad person for not killing yourself? Ive become the worst version of myself if im even a self at all anymore. I feel obligated to kill myself because im continuely disintigrating and becoming more toxic. Why am i so fragile? Was it a self fulfilling prophecy? Ive been so hellbent on being a victim for most of my life and ive victimized myself. Have i? I dont know anymore. Im so afraid and floating lost in space. I backed myself into this corner and now that i have to die, i spitefully resist it. Even though other people would be inconvenienced, id ultimately be the one who suffers for not following through. I keep thinking to myself i can just keep going like this, its fine, just wait til the next paycheck, just save more, just wait.. I squandered the last 10 years and now the obstacles are too much.. Im still here because of fear, stubbornness, stupidity and? Selfishness? Am i the sociopath i accuse everyone else of being for not killing myself? Or for not getting better? I dont know anymore.

 

[SelfishMom]

Thank you, SelfishMom. You're the first person I've "met" who takes this drug, so I really appreciate your sharing your experience. I wonder why insurance doesn't cover it...I wonder if it's considered off-label use for bipolar and depression because it was initially made for schizophrenia??? I was just given some samples by my shrink, so I have yet to fight the insurance battle. Thanks for the heads up. Xoxoxox

I got samples at first too, depleted his entire supply. I hope it helps you find peace. Glad I could help!

 

[leaps]

Timing

 

[ReadyasEver]

I see that a lot of people are still here because they do not want to hurt their family, at least I'm not the only one, it's really hard to think about the suffering of the family afterwards.

This pretty much says it for me. Have a few more loose ends to wrap up.

 

[Moth]

Failure, laziness, hatred of the fallout when I inevitably fail my attempts .

 

[BlackDragonof1989]

I'm afraid of what might be on the other side, as well as the process of suicide, mostly the physical side-effects and possible consequences of a failed suicide <3

 

[stellabelle]

I fail st everything, suicide included.

Have been on and off suicidal since childhood, so almost two decades.

 

[Feline]

1. Don't want to break my parents' hearts
2. Don't want to break my partner's heart (& he lost his eldest & only brother to suicide)
3. Not brave enough

 

[azucaramargo]

Wow! I really should ask my doctor about that. I've seen ads for it on tv and I too have been on many, many different meds to try and deal with my bipolar and nothing has helped, not even having ECT. Maybe if that stuff helps, I'll be able to forget about ctb, if only for a bit.

Just FYI, I don't know if this is relevant, but I had to stop the Vraylar because the dry- mouth symptoms were intolerable. I'm used to dry mouth with all the psych drugs, but this was something else. It's really expensive because there's no generic form yet. I was in it for a little over a month; I guess it helped somewhat.

 

[time2go]

Because I know my parents would be heart broken.

Also I don't want my attempt too fail and be labled a crazy person.