why are you still here

[squidhead]

Same reason as you. Im afraid to fuck it up and fail again. First time I failed and I got sent to a hopsital and then a psych ward, of course.
Second time I seriously wanted to attempt, I stopped myself for reasons that elude me still.
Ever since then I havent been able to get to that point again, to let go, to move past the whole survival instinct thing and seriously want to lethally harm myself.
In short, im a coward lol. Hope one day ill be able to do it, though.
Oh, and I regret failing the first time so much... I shouldnt even be here. Not a day goes by without me wishing I did not fail.

Things never get better, only worse. At least for me.

 

[tary]

I have a method ready (I'll long drop hang myself off a bridge), I just want to spend one more Christmas with family. I'll do it in January.

 

[nixxeekes]

i dont want to leave my body here. i want to erase my whole existence before actually dying. thought of deleting my socials, burning my diaries, donating my clothes and going far away to die in a place no one could find me. i dont want my body to be discovered and i hate knowing that people could read my writings. so i cant leave until i do those things, but i dont think its possible... my mind kind of makes me believe im not brave enough to commit, making it worthless to delete my socials and burn memories. im too attached to them, logically.

idk if its a good explanation but thats pretty much it lol

 

[Th1sB1tterEarth0]

My family. They barely tolerate me and I think they resent me in some capacities. However, ending myself would wound irreparably wound them. They're damaged just like me and I wouldn't go peacefully knowing I wounded them so.

 

[Unicornsrnot4dislife]

My kids are literally the only reason. I don't want to be here!

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Failed an attempt and am now afraid of the consequences if I got further with another try at ctb, only to back down and not succeed again.

 

[AlighieriTTT]

I can't find sources to buy the chemicals needed to do it, and every time I approach the bridge my SI kicks in.

 

[willitpass]

fear of failing (again) and being subject to more mental health treatment. it used to be for the sake of other people but i simply cannot live like that anymore, life has worn me too thin. and somewhat for my cat. but almost exclusively of failure. i cannot fathom failing once again. i have been used as a guinea pig too many times. i will either not attempt and keep my feelings hidden, or i will do it with absolute certainty that i cannot fail

 

[Brokensaddle]

Believe me when I say I wish I was dead I truly wish I was dead. I'm my trying to live on my own from my abusers and make sure saving go to someone nice or charity. I'm so tried of life I'm to pack it all in and go to sleep forever

 

[tofargone]

I don't have a way to ctb yet

 

[Callie Arcale]

Because I don't have a reliable method.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

a few reasons...

i have the slightest sense of unwarranted hope that just wont go away. no matter how defeated and hopeless i feel, all it takes is the tiniest shred of hope for a miracle to occur to keep me from wanting to seriously plan suicide. i guess its just natural for humans to hold on to hope that things will change and get better, even when its been made obvious they wont. just knowing how inexperienced in life i am, part of me feels like i NEED to have certain experiences before i go, as unlikely as they seem. i imagine this will eventually crumble, though.

i dont have a plan that im set on. obviously i've looked into methods before, but atm im not completely sure of how i'd go about it since i have to weigh out a bunch of different factors with each one (is it quick, is it painless, is the success rate high, will it make a mess, etc). like i could just shoot myself right now but i'd rather not traumatize my family further by leaving my messy corpse for them. also survival instinct of course plays into this.

and as i just mentioned, my family. i know i'll likely end up doing it while most of my family is still alive which makes it feel pointless to delay the inevitable, but its just hard to get myself into a serious suicidal mode when i know how much it'd hurt them. plus i live with my mom and we get along well, so she helps keep my spirits up a bit.

those are the main things that get me from day to day. sure, sometimes its miserable and i feel beyond empty, but i've made it through so many dark days at this point that unless something gets seriously worse, i can manage to drag myself through each day, as boring, monotonous and painful as they are... at least for the time being. im not sure if i can see myself having this same mentality a few years down the road, but for now thats how i've been trucking along. but i also cant guarantee that i wont do anything in the near future... im not a very impulsive person, but i may snap or just decide i've had enough if i get in bad enough of a mood one day. or, as i said, if things take a turn for the worse.

 

[Hirokami]

Before, it used to be because I had people worth living for. Nowadays, my cats and the fact that I don't have a clear plan yet.

 

[NumbItAll]

I never reached the tipping point in 2 years of active suicidality. Then I improved to the point where I didn't want to anymore and have had varying levels of depression since then. I stick around on the forum because I am bored af and can't relate anywhere else.