why are you still here

[Jupit3rs]

I don't want to fail... Right now my only option is hanging and yeah... Its not easy.

 

[dead lightbulb]

because i don't want to be alive, but i don't want to be dead. my mind just cant grasp non existence. plus, since ive been taught to fear the idea of dying since i was born and to fight that biological instinct is really hard for me. even when i wake up like today with intense thoughts of killing myself, as soon as i grab the rope and position the chair my will disappears and the idea of non existence sounds unattractive. to put it shortly, i mostly approach suicide with thoughts of not wanting to be alive in my situation, rather than with thoughts of being dead.

ive watched a video of someone hanging themselves against my better judgement and it just looks so unpleasant.

 

[chaosandquiet]

for me? it's fear. fear of messing up. fear of SN not working. fear of harming myself and not being successful. if i wasn't afraid.. i'd be gone.. what about you?

Same. Fear of failure, especially after previous attempts failed. Trying a new method and waiting for all the pieces to fall into place soon

 

[RickSanchez2022]

Fear of failure

 

[Sun n showers]

Cause I am afraid that it will be painful. I plan to use a gun but even with a point blank shot to the head I have fears that I will be the unlucky 1%.

You ard lucky to have a gun

 

[SamTam33]

Scared of messing up my next attempt, as I've failed several already.

This is me. The last time I failed, I knew I only had one more chance to get it right before I majorly effed myself up. One more chance.

And I've been holding on to it for years. Trying to devise a plan with the highest success rate possible. Scared to try and fail because all my chances will be used up.

I don't know where that line of thinking came from, but it's just something that I innately know. I have to get it right the next time.

 

[MetroTransit]

I lacked the courage to go through with it the first time I tried. Still waiting for some catalyst to determine my fate, either "recovery" or suicide. I am honestly indifferent towards which conclusion fate decides, though I would rather have it decided soon so I can at least have a degree of certainty. I still wish I went through with it the first time some days, other days I am glad I didn't.

 

[𖣴 nadia 𖣴]

Three reasons - cowardice, a promise, and the people who love me.

 

[quietam pacem12]

weil ich nicht leben will, aber ich will nicht tot sein. Mein Verstand kann die Nicht-Existenz einfach nicht begreifen. Außerdem wurde mir beigebracht, seit meiner Geburt Angst vor dem Tod zu haben und diesen biologischen Instinkt zu bekämpfen, ist wirklich schwer für mich. Selbst wenn ich wie heute mit intensiven Selbstmordgedanken aufwache, verschwindet mein Wille, sobald ich das Seil greife und den Stuhl positioniere, und die Idee der Nichtexistenz klingt unattraktiv. um es kurz zu machen, ich nähere mich einem selbstmord meistens mit dem gedanken, in meiner situation nicht leben zu wollen, anstatt mit dem gedanken, tot zu sein.

Ich habe mir ein Video angesehen, in dem sich jemand gegen mein besseres Wissen erhängt hat, und es sieht einfach so unangenehm aus.

Diese Methode stelle ich mir extrem schwer vor. Da hätte ich zuviel Angst vor Qualen

 

[miserableforever]

My daughters.

 

[Alcoholic Teletubby]

Fear of failure and bullshit hope.

 

[onetapgandhi]

Look I'm gonna do it one of these days alright.

 

[SadJessu]

I'm pushing six months pregnant with a daughter. That and my husband/family/cats.

 

[Hurt]

Because I don't have the balls to ctb. I hate my existence.

 

[Someday_Somehow32]

Fear it could go wrong and hope that someone could still save me

 

[Sick of it all]

My son and brother. My son because he has mental issues too and I'm afraid of what losing me would do to him. My brother because he cares and because he lives with me so he has to get rid of all my shit and I'm slowly getting rid of stuff to lessen the burden.

 

[EnnuiCat]

It would destroy the last few years of my mother's life and potentially mess up my 7 year old even though his mother could easily raise him on her own. I think he would forget me but my girlfriend swears it would devastate him.

 

[akirat9]

この質問はクライド ・アレキサンダー・マルセンコ・ドクチャエフ のようだ
絶対的な下劣な存在

 

[spectraltease]

for me? it's fear. fear of messing up. fear of SN not working. fear of harming myself and not being successful. if i wasn't afraid.. i'd be gone.. what about you?

Have to wait till my payment arrives

 

[TheManIllNeverBe]

Don't want to abandon my cats. Also stubborn and still think I might be able to sort out my meds. If I can undo the damage they've done, I wouldn't mind another shot at life. But if the hell I'm currently living is what I'm stuck with, well... I can only tolerate that for so much longer.

 

[NeverEndingPain]

I don't want to fail... Right now my only option is hanging and yeah... Its not easy.

This is my only option also and I'm scared. I visualize dying and being left hanging and alone to rot away until someone finds me. Why did it ever have to get this bad

because i don't want to be alive, but i don't want to be dead. my mind just cant grasp non existence. plus, since ive been taught to fear the idea of dying since i was born and to fight that biological instinct is really hard for me. even when i wake up like today with intense thoughts of killing myself, as soon as i grab the rope and position the chair my will disappears and the idea of non existence sounds unattractive. to put it shortly, i mostly approach suicide with thoughts of not wanting to be alive in my situation, rather than with thoughts of being dead.

ive watched a video of someone hanging themselves against my better judgement and it just looks so unpleasant.

I've watched some videos too and it freaked me out. Apparently you are not aware that your body is doing those things though once you are unconscious.
I do not want to be aware of my body convulsing and whatever else it does during hanging

 

[MrOptions]

1. Got my exit plan. 9mm with 147grain hollow point. Point blank shot to the right side of the head.
2. But SI is strong.
3. Cancer survivor, but other health issues are always effecting me now.
4. Job still pays the bills for now. But, I have mountain of debt.
5. I have others that rely on me for their survival.
6. The world is getting worst by the day. Global recession, Russia threating nukes to the West.

 

[ClownMe]

My dog

 

[NoLightRemains]

My partner mostly.

 

[Blacklight]

Need a way to make it look like an accident so my family doesn't blame themselves.

 

[S like Siren]

Because i'm f trapped at the moment

 

[lifeORdeath]

Dependent Family and a long shot, I think.
And now a need to acquire more supplies, again

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I'm that lucky bastard that still has some hope, I guess. Even if this hope might be delusional.

 

[whatevs]

This is a long term project for me. It's going to take years to either become comfortable in my own skin or to kill myself, so here we are.

 

[myfinalform]

i dont have any methods that i can rely on it