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Spike Spiegel

Spike Spiegel

Member
Sep 26, 2022
71
I feel that so many of my problem's are just due to my own weakness of will. Logically I tell myself that if I got eight hours of sleep every night, if I quit smoking and vaping, if I meditated daily, never missed my meds, workout daily, replaced screen time with reading or something constructive, that my mental health issues would all go away. I have been able to live this lifestyle in short bursts maybe for a week or up to a month at a time but I always fall back to my old ways. Also when I do live like this I feel bored and even a little scared that this is supposes to repeat every day and be "normal" basically until I die.
There are so many nights where I will consciously think if I go to sleep now I'll feel better tomorrow, wake up earlier, get more done, feel better about myself and in turn have to rely less on coping methods like smoking or just laying in bed. Yet in those moments when I'm thinking that, I'll instead choose to take another hit and stay up later because in my mind I feel something during those late night hours when I'm by myself that for some reason in that moment I prioritize over the entire next day.
Sometimes I think I want to be down, I feel so much more and think so much deeper when I'm depressed, Its almost a familiar feeling.
Logically it all seems so simple, be strong willed and do what has been proven to help people, do what you know works for you, yet I fail and fail and fail.
 
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sserafim

sserafim

they say it's darkest of all before the dawn
Sep 13, 2023
9,012
I wonder this as well. I wonder why we're so bad at calculating risk. Honestly, the reason why I haven't ctb yet is due to this exact problem. I hate that there are risks and that there's an uncertain outcome. I wish that you could know the outcome before you did anything so you would known whether to make that choice or not. But unfortunately, we can't foresee the future…
 
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